How can I face people after I have let my daughter down?

Question

I have let my 15 year old daughter down. Her dad has sole physical and legal custody of her and she lives in another state. He moved due to job reasons and left her in his mother's care

I went to stay with her and came back after 3 weeks. I could not stand the pressure my ex and his mother were putting on me.

Now its the summer and she does not want to have anything to do with me. I understand and agree with her feelings.

I don't know if things will ever be the same. I feel bad and sad about what I have done.

I really can't face people also. I am willing to have her come stay with me, but my ex-husband does not agree. He wants us to get back together and be a family for her sake and both of our sakes. He was controlling and verbally abusive.

If people knew what I did (at work, etc), they would not want to have anything to do with me. So, I don't talk about it.

Yet, I feel terrible each and every day. I don't deserve anything good.

Answer 1

stop right now. your daughter is young but when she grows into an actual adult then she will see why you did what you did. your ex husband is still trying to control you and why the hell should you go back to that? verbal abuse is just as bad as physical. my bet is that she wants you in her life, but she's afraid to go against her father and his mother. dont feel ashamed no longer. you do not have a choice. do you think your daughter would be happy if your not? not a chance. you havnt let her down. her father has by not recognising that a girl needs her mother. he's turned her against you. dont think for one minute about going back to him. you havnt done anything. go and see a counsellor. talk through this and learn to forgive yourself. you do deserve good things and you need to see this isnt your fault. let the blame go.

Answer 2

You deserve plenty of good things!

Don't let your ex persuade you into going back with him. I know that I've said this before, but your life really really reminds me of my mom's.

Her next husband (after my dad) was verbally abusive & controlling. (He was an alcoholic.) If I hadn't been there, she would have gone back with him & would probably not be alive today.

You may want to find someone to talk to face to face that's not involved with everything. (Like a preacher or a fellow single parent.) You did the right thing in splitting. Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but she will later when she has healthy relationships when she's an adult. Staying with him would only have set the stage for your daughter having unhealthy similar relationships later on.

I wouldn't necessarily say that people at work would look down on you. As a matter of fact, I'd bet that they've either been in the same situation or had a close friend/family member that was. When my mom finally admitted to her co-workers that her husband was abusive, they rallied around her--even the ones that she would have sworn hated her.

Again, don't give up. Finding someone outside of your social circle to talk to in person would be the best bet. That way if you don't feel comfortable talking to them, or if they turn into a jerk, you can cut ties with them.

I believe that you are a good person & I believe that you deserve good things in life. I have thought of you & have prayed for you.

Answer 3

You can't be forced to be with someone you don't love anymore especially when that person hurts you. You should start by speaking to a lawyer. Don't stress out... leave it to a lawyer. As long as your not a threat psycally and mentally for your daughter you will have custody. Second you need to see a psychologist and have therapy in order for you to feel more self confidence toward your self and start thinking positive. Tell your self it's not to late. Let your lawyer know you are seeing a psychologist to get your thoughts together it will be another point on your side. Once you have custody and your self esteem is back up your daughter's feelings will change. Good Luck

Answer 4

A mother's love for her children should be unconditional, and vice versa.

We may not be able to forget the mistakes that we have made, but we can and should forgive.

I suggest that you tell your daughter that you have made some grave mistakes and ask her to forgive you.

Parenting is an imperfect task, as is life. We are going to make mistakes, big ones.

But, at the end of the day, we must accept those mistakes as life experiences and move on.

Ruminations of the past will trap us in an infinite cycle of dysfunctional behavior and feelings.

Break away from that drama and live completely in the present. That is where you can find joy and contentment.

Answer 5

Stop verbally abusing yourself! Each day is filled with new opportunties for you and your daughter. Do not give up on her just because she has temporarily given up on you. There are some people who have lost their parents completely due to the death of a parent. You are still alive and have the opportunity to keep trying to reach out to her and be there for her. She still needs you more than you can imagine. Be strong for your sake and hers. Find a support group (listed in your local yellow pages) that will help you. Do whatever you can to get yourself feeling better about yourself. Then you will be in the right mind set to help your daughter too.

Answer 6

Sometimes life doesn't come out how we want it too. I think what you have done is done and now it is time to rationalize what is best for your daughter-not your feelings. First of all, I don't understand what work has to do with it? If you can't face them don't-it's not their business. Why would you even bring that up? Keep you personal life personal. Secondly, I tend to think courts give custody based on good reason. If he got custody there must be a good reason for it. Thirdly, does she like it with him better? It seems so by your description. You have to ask yourself what is good for her. Maybe this is best. You have to objectively decided that aside from your feelings. Also, you are a grown-up so act like one. She may be mad and there may be a lot that is confusing or things that you understand but she doesn't but that's it. You understand and she doesn't. Don't try to force something on someone wh doesn't understand. Set back, be the patient parent, accept responsibility and explain how it is a tricky matter someday when she asks. The damage is done due to your choices in life. Now it's time to owe up to it. No matter what you think you could have known or not about your husband. Even if there is that grey area of "no body's fault" the burden rests on your shoulders over you child's. Remember that. stemming off pain that could affect your children is the parent's utmost responsibility. Lastly, stop the pity party. Life is too short and more horrible things will happen. No matter how a family is structured there is no perfect way. All children are raised with sometime of beef against their parents-that's just how it works. Yours will be theirs, and theirs will be their kids. It just perpetuates itself over and over.

Answer 7

If he is verbally abusive, how did he get full custody? As far as that goes, courts favor the mother wherever possible, so I really don't believe you are telling the whole story here.

Answer 8

all of my toddlers have slept face down and are ok. They enable toddlers sleep face down for years. i think of they got here across a learn exhibiting that SIDS is unquestionably genetically appropriate someway. certainly the youngster does not understand to pass while it is not getting oxygen. Your little boy would be advantageous. do exactly no longer enable him sleep with hide, toys, and so on.. that would get in his face.

Answer 9

dont go back with im for your daughters sake, that never works. just talk to her more often, tell her about your life and ask her about her life

Answer 10

Only person you have to face is your dautgher. Everyone else can wait, and if they say something about it and they haven't been in the situation then put them in there place. (Sorry to be harsh)