He has asked me to make numerous changes for our marriage, home, children, as well as for my own good. I have only asked him to take a bigger interest in the emotional aspect of our marriage but he won't keep it up but for more than 2 or 3 days. He says he just can't make me happy anymore-he's tried. I told him that he does make me happy, but it's only when he reverts to his neglectful ways that I become unhappy, lonely and feel very unloved. He says he just doesn't need all that. I told him that's because I meet all of his needs before they are realized. I am a very loving, supportive, dedicated, hardworking mother and wife. I take my job as a wife and mother VERY seriously and I do not allow myself to neglect any aspect of those jobs. So why is it that he is allowed to choose which jobs he would like to be responsible for as far as his duties as a husband? However, he is a wonderful provider and keeps our yard beautiful and our children happy. What about me-it's all I ask?!
2007-06-18 07:12:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says he loves me, but can't make me happy. As for what I am asking of him, it's simple. If I cry, I want to talk about it and feel supported, not be patted on the head and be told "it'll be ok". I just think, consistently, a husband is expected to put forth a little more effort than that. If I want to talk about something that's going on, I want him to look at me when we talk, not watch tv and listen to me out of the corner of his ear and say "What did you say? I'm sorry, I was listening to the tv for a second." Our sex life is not affected for anyone interested for the purposes of advice, not be a perverted degenerate. I know that once sex is adversely affected, it seems like you can't recover, so I try very hard to not let it affect this area of our life. He says I'm overly needy so he can justify not having to have heart to heart conversations with me. His dad has ignored his mother for years and it breaks my husbands heart. I warned him our marriage will be similar.
2007-06-18 07:39:05 · update #1
Keep on being a good wife and mother and show him that even if he neglects you, you will love your family. be the example to him and even though it might take a while, he will come around, but don't ever expect him to change overnight. cope with him and understand that it might be difficult for him, maybe something in his childhood that makes him uncomfortable being emotional. Always be there for him and soon he will understand that he can trust you whenever and that you trust him. he sounds like a good dad, that should make you happy also right? god bless and i wish you the best. i don't think he is choosing at which jobs to be responsible at, maybe he is just unconscious of it. if he is a good provider and a good father, then he knows his responsibilities but just doesn't probably understand how you feel.
2007-06-18 07:32:15 · answer #1 · answered by England 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" Do what you say, Say what you do, one thing leads to another"!!! He has a problem communicating........try to think of him as a mime, now read the above sentence. You see, he's been acting out the words for 2 yrs, it's you, who refuse to see. All the wanting in the world, will not make this work ! And you do have someone to turn too, the most important person in the world, a person who holds the deams, the intelligence, the intuition, will, power, strength, independence and the answers !! Don't turn your back or put her down, help her, support her, go back to college and chase your dreams. The old one has ended, if it was ever meant to be. Start designing a new one, a better one, something another will find worth giving his life to and for, who's actions and words can not be seperated, but both of which can alway be counted on.
2016-03-14 01:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly are your emotional needs and how extensive are they? Is he not being supportive of passions you'd like to pursue? You're not going into enough detail to determine if you're being overly needy, or if he is just flat out ignoring you during all waking hours of the day. Ultimately, you are responsible for maintaining control of how you feel on any given day. If you're asking him to pull you out of a depression of sorts, I don't see that that is realistically possible. If you're asking that he makes it a point to spend some time with you in a romantic environment away fromt he children on a consistent basis that's a different story and completely within your right to request.
You should talk to him about this and determine if he feels that you are being overly needy, or if he perceives your emotional needs to be insatiable. You need to know if he feels that sating this emotional hunger is possible, or if he feels you're being unreasonable on your requests.
2007-06-18 07:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jason S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
emotionally neglectful husband meet save marriage loves
2016-02-02 04:25:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is not able to be the person you desire. Some people are just not that attentative emotionally. Appreciate the things he does give you because it sounds like you have a better man than most people. Try to find your own happiness and remember that your husband is NOT responsible for your loneliness.
2007-06-18 07:20:17 · answer #5 · answered by aj's girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i had the guts to post this question it would be the EXAXCT SAME QUESTION, SAME SCENARIO,
I am so sorry you are going throught this, the only answer is that women are all emotion, and men are all physical!
that's the simple truth, but i do know what you mean, you almost feel bad for asking for more because to the naked eye it looks like he's doing everything he's supposed to, right i know.
but the truth of it is, we need that emotion, we need the intimacy, ( i don't just mean sex), i mean the closeness, the sharing of feelings, the feeling as though you are one in thoughts and enotion. we won't ever get all the emotion we want, but some is better than none right? i know. we just can't have unrealistic expectations of them. sure, be happy that everything else is getting done, but they need to meet us somewhere in the middle i know. when you find a clear cut answer to your question please message me and let me know.
2007-06-18 07:42:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he needs a wake up call. Tell him how you feel once more but with the emphasis being on that you can't live like this much longer. If he realizes what he could lose in being neglectful, maybe that will snap him out of his funk.
2007-06-18 07:21:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are expecting him to perform in a way that is not part of his nature.
Loving someone is about accepting them for who they truly are and not what we hope them to be.
I wonder if you really love him, because you don't seem to be accepting of anything he does.
If I were to get you have been married 5-7 years and the "in love" feeling is gone. Its normal an many couples have a hard time transitioning from "in love" to "loving".
With all the effort you are doing I think you are too busy to just let him see you for you and allow him to love (accept you for you).
Good Luck
2007-06-18 08:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First most men are like that to a degree. Look at his folks does his dad provide the support to his mom? If they are around I think you may see why he doesnt. He does not know how. When he does, flatter and encourage that behavior. Dont be a doormat- one can chang if one really wants to
2007-06-18 07:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you say that he is emotionally neglectful at the same time that you say he loves you? It might be helpful for you and your husband to go see a counsellor.
2007-06-18 07:18:21 · answer #10 · answered by banana6464 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋