I should leave him...Right?

Question

I kow this sounds so typical of a question,but i want some feedback.
My kid's father is currently in jail and before he was placed there, we had many disagreements.We have two children together, and he has taken my first daughter as his own.the main problems we face are that he won't take into consideration any advice that I give him, he seems to not want to "grow up"(he wants to change majors in collge even though he's almost done with his degree, he's in jail for allowing some college buddies to put cars in his name,and they had fines and car accidents,whenver we need to dicuss important issuses he says "we'll figure it out" only for me to have to come up with the solution,etc), he's won't tell me the truth on his past unless I find out from someone else, and I don't love him. Everyone we know says he's a great guy, just a little irresponsible,however, I'm sick of feeling like I'm raising four kids instead of three.So should i leave him or should I stay for the sake of the kids?

Answer 1

hells yes!!!!!leave him and take your kids with you for the love of god!!!

Answer 2

I suppose you should leave, but because you said you don't love him,and not for all the other stuff you said. The way he is now isn't necessarily the way he'll be for the rest of his life...he may be changing majors, but at least he's pursuing his education; many people are slow-starters and have difficulty developing focus but with basic integrity they eventually get there. That doesn't make them bad people. And nearly every guy I know has found his *** in a sling a time or two behind something a friend has done; that's a life lesson we don't learn in the classroom. But if you can't or won't stick it out or love him through it, it's a waste of both of your time to continue going through the motions. You do have children to consider, though. They don't deserve to be isolated from an otherwise good father. Make sure equitable visitation is established from the outset.

Answer 3

In a relationship the man and women are supposed to be accepting to one anothers advice, they shouldn't ridicule it even if they don't accept it.
I was raised through a childhood of the sort, not the same but to a point where my mother and father shouldn't have stayed together as long as they did. My mother once said that she didn't know weither it was a good thing or a bad thing to stay in a relationship of the sort which I was exposed to. It actually shaped me to learn how to understand situations and how to deal with them. So really it helped me become more mature and wiser in certain areas. But that's me, not everyone will turn out that way. But I told her that it wasn't bad that she stayed because she stay for the sake of my sister and I. But I think you should pray about it, and start searching in yourself for what will make you the happiest and what will be the best for the kids. Some hurt may come along but in the end God will not leave you and everything will be okay.

Answer 4

How old are the children?

I am most likely voting for you leaving him. My sis-in-law had 2 kids very young and the father turned out to be a creep. They had "friends" who were drug users and she was just in a really bad place. She made the decision to leave and had to struggle for a while. But then, she met my brother (who we had all decided would NEVER get married) and they fell head over heels in love! He took to the children just like they were his own and he married my sis-in-law in 2000. Now, they have a great life together, a great house, the girls are wonderful and they now have added 2 boys to the family. :)

Take a chance and do what's best for the children. It sounds like your man will never get his act together. You are already raising the kids alone, so why do you need him???

Good luck! :)

Answer 5

He may be a great guy but he IS in jail. You should leave and take your kids because your kids should have a good example as a dad, also, you should have some respect with yourself. You have a life ahead of you. Try to make good choices and I truly, truly wish the best for you and your children....:)

I know that it's easy for anybody to give their advice when they haven't been in that situation. I'm sorry that you are going through this....

Answer 6

You know the right answer. You have children - children need guidance and leaders who are role models as parents. You are ready to start a new life as an adult and make the best for your children. BUT, then there's this guy...who happened to make the kids with you. You are trying to be considerate of him, even though he isn't very respectful of you, the kids, or his own life...

Can I stop now and just say "find someone who shares your same interests" and make this thing what you want already? I'm surprised you're still there...

Answer 7

Hi honey,
I think only you hold the answer to your own question. You have to look deep inside yourself and follow what your heart is telling you, and only follow your heart. Cause everytime you ask somebody what to do they are going to give you advices based on their own experiences in life, or they feelings towards men in general etc... and you don't want to make this decision based on somebody's opinion just to regret it. Take your time and think about everything you have or had with him and your kids etc.. if it helps get a piece of paper and write down every good thing that he has done for you and every single bad thing he had done to you. If the list of bad is longer than the good then you may wanna let go, but if the good is longer than the bad than you got yourself a good man. Nobody's perfect.... hope this helps... GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Well first for the ppl who said stay, that is crazy, number1 you said you don't love him, never be with someone if you don't love them i mean it is pointless...number 2 just because you have kids doesn't mean you need to stay, my mom did the same thing because my father was a jerk time's 10 and it just ended up being worse with them and me not liking my father, they ended up getting a divorce once me and my sister were older but they should of done it a LONG time ago..Most likely doing whats best for YOU will benefit your children. As long as the children get visitation rights once he is out of jail things prolly would be better for you. Just because he is a great guy to everyone else doesn't mean he is to you, you are the one living with him.

Answer 9

one never stay because of the children. you can not use them as a crutch. It is not fair that they are the cause of your unhappiness they are only kids. Two, you need to figure out what is best for you and your children and he firm. When you have figured this out confront him about his child like behavior and other faults aka lying about his past. Explain to him how his children are your first priority and you cannot allow his behavior to compromise his family. three if he understands or cares at all he will do the right thing but remember that it is not easy to be firm by your self look to your children in the hardest of times.

Answer 10

Misery loves company and this man seems to be draging you down. I wouldn't just stay in the relationship just for your kid's sake. If you do you are subjecting them to his attitude on life and they will turn out to be like him when they are adults, and then you will have 4 irresponsible adults instead of one. Children need postitve examples in their lives and good decision making to be productive when they are older and he is not setting a good example. You sound like you are miserable with this man and you said you don't love him. So why be in a loveless relationship, when you could move on and find someone with similar goals and life plan? Your only hurting yourself and your kids by staying and subjecting you all to his attitude and lack of maturity. You are a mother of three NOT four.

Answer 11

How are you doing what's best 'for the sake of the kids' by staying with someone who is irresponsible, selfish and obviously not worried about the well-being of his wife & family?

You can not have a marriage by yourself. And, you are NOT setting a good example for your children by putting up with his bad behavior.

If you have the option, stay with your parents for a bit. Let him see that you mean business. He has to make the choice and right now he is choosing everything but you!