men, should you be responsible for "your" women? why?

Question

if you marry a woman, or have a daughter, do you think you should be responsible for her, financially as well as legally (her actions), for her entire life (or until she marries)? and if you do not adequately provide for the family, then there will be legal consequences?

Do you WANT to be the only one working, ever, to support your family? Do you want your daughters to live with you until they marry? Do you think that women should be relegated to the home & not be allowed to work?

Do you think that divorce should be outlawed? but if it isn't, and you seek a divorce, do you think you should have to support your ex-wife for life, to an extent that she need not work?

just wondering. thanks!

i'm all for women supporting themselves, btw. I am the sole 'breadwinner' in my marriage...
just fyi

i ask this partly because my mother was a stay-at-home mom for 30 yrs, and my dad divorced her. she doesn't think she should have to work, and that he should support her fully for the rest of her life. She is being supported by a preacher's wife/ proponent for an organization called Ladies against Feminism. These people think divorce should be outlawed at best, tilted in absolute favor of the wife at worst.

Answer 1

Just my opinion, take it for what you will:

If a man marries a woman, I believe they have equal responsibility for the finances and the household. That being said, however, a woman should do what she can and not be held to an unreasonable standard. My wife has myotonic muscular dystrophy, which makes her quite weak and very tired all the time. I don't expect her to work full-time, but I expect her to do what she can. She has applied for disability and she has a line on a good part time job working as a "roving" notary for local mortgage/insurance companies. She also takes care of what she can at home, so she is definitely pulling her weight.

I don't think women should be forced to stay home, however, I think women should go into a marriage with their eyes wide open. In situations where children are not involved, women should understand that some men may expect them to work outside the home. At the very least, women should understand that a choice to stay home will mean a lower standard of living and may cause resentment on the part of the husband (why does she get to stay home and watch TV all day while I'm out working my butt off, and then she gripes when we can't go to Hawaii on vacation?!?!!?!). Where children are involved, a woman should have the choice of staying home and taking care of household and children full-time (too bad many Moms don't have that choice).

As for the question about divorce and having a daughter living at home until she gets married, I think every woman should learn that they may not always be able to rely on a man (be it a father or husband) to take care of them, and as such should get an education or training so they have some type of marketable job skills. In short, women should be raised and taught to support themselves. There should be no law requiring a husband to support an ex-wife for life, and at some point a daughter has to leave the nest. Divorce should not be outlawed, but it should be much more difficult to get. Divorce for physical abuse is one thing; divorce because "we just don't get along" is quite another.

Answer 2

My husband was raised Orthodox Jewish, and they have an interesting perspective on the matter. May I put in my two cents, although I am female?

None of the men in that community think that women should be prevented from working, or forced to live at home until they are married, etc. His aunt is a well-known psychiatrist, and his sister just finished backpacking through Europe, alone, after completing college. They also occasionally divorce.

What they *do* feel strongly about is that a man is responsible for caring for his wife and children. This obligation does not end if he feels like running off to Bermuda with his secretary. Some couples in the community do divorce, and the man is expected to get the woman "settled" into singlehood. Sometimes this involves just finding her an apartment, selling the house and giving her half the profits, etc. It is by no means a "lifelong" obligation, unless she is very old already. His obligation to his children does not end with divorce.

These ideas are the basis of the tradition of engagement rings, by the way. The man is simply promising her that he is not using her, and plans to provide for her. This idea is at least a few thousand years old.

In this day and age of small families, it seems a common practice that the wife pursues either voulenteer work or paid work as the kids grow into school age. If the wife were independently wealthy, well, I suppose the men would feel less "burdened". As it is, they prefer being the provider to being burdened with doing housework all evening, or facing a crisis when they lose one of two incomes that the bills require. My husband's aunt actually went back to work after her husband lost his job. He'd really be in trouble if their mortgage required two incomes, wouldn't he?

Answer 3

I LOVE this question!!!!
When my husband immigrated from Poland, we pooled our resources, supported each other since at the time I was earning more than he was even though I was working and putting myself through school. We then had two children, and I was back and forth to work because it made more sense for me to stay home instead of paying for child care. We still do not have separate money even though he now earns more money than I do at a great job We've been married forever with joint everything, although I have my own credit (which is vital) because we have had plenty of credit cards, car loans, etc. under my social security number.
Research has shown that the number one argument that couples have is over money. Our daughter and son have seen how we handle our finances, and our daughter is copying our investment policies. Unfortunately, our son lets money run through his fingers like water.

Answer 4

"My" woman, when I find her, will not only be gainfully employed (and remain so after we marry), but she will also have good credit and be out of debt. She will have the ability to contribute to our shared financial obligations because that's what responsible people do. I do not want some wimpy free loader who is dependent upon me 100%. I want a strong, intelligent woman who is capable of supporting herself by herself. This is what women's liberation is all about.

That being said, your question reminds me of a quote from "As Good as it Gets" where a woman asks an author how he writes women so well. His response: "I think of a man...and then take away reason and accountability." If a woman expects to be supported by a man then she is being both unreasonable and unaccountable.

Answer 5

i know i'm not a man but i'm going to answer anyway.
I think, in cases of divorce, that there are some circumstances that a man should support the ex wife. For instance, sometimes the husband does not want the wife to work, he just wants her to stay home and play susie homemaker. so when the woman gets thrust into the workforce, she has no work experience and little if any skills.
in this case, the man should support her until she is able to support herself because it is his fault that she can't.

Answer 6

From a woman's perspective: Financial dependence is an enormous risk for women. Some will be able to do it their whole life without any problems, but they are a minority. Each individual should have their own money to fall back on. I would like everyone to consider this before making an answer.

Answer 7

My compliments on this question and the details.

Even though i'am engaged in a battle on WS i couldnt help noticing your question.

YES MEN SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE!!!

A man is the symbol of strength,protector,provider since times immemoral.

I dont think a real man would ever refuse to contribute to the upbrininging of his flesh and blood even though its a few sperms!!!!

As for the lady is concerned, i beleive that though they might have had their problems, she is still the mother of his children and therefore he should be there for her.

I might sound foolish but when a few moments of passion and lust actually translate into the harsh reality of life and parenthood the man had better do his bit!!!

No matter what happens this is the way it will be,always.

I just wish more of my gender would grow old with their women and bring up their children together and the women would understand them!!!

Answer 8

I told u about me being a gold digger didn't I. geez, my upkeep is vital for the national economy. more bon bons anyone X-)

Answer 9

Women want equal rights then get your asses out there and support yourselves...