Is my mum wrong about dad??

Question

My mum fights with my dad a lot and then she has a vent at me about him....most of the things she fights about are about the same old thing that happened 20 yrs ago (I'm only 15)!! She says she doesn't want to be with him...but shes only with him 'because of the kids'.....but this is the problem because she makes a huge deal about trivial matters, acts like we (the kids) owe her something for her sticking around, she hates my dad (he used to be abusive towards her, but like 20 yrs ago) and tries poisoning my mind about him. Its like a reversal-my dad is now the calm one and my mum has become the abusive one. Does she have a right to be like this because she was treated like crap by my dad ages ago?

Answer 1

You should not be involved in your parents marriage.

The next time your mother treats you like her girlfriend tell her you really don't want to hear it and then walk away.

This is between the two of them and she's wrong by involving you.

Answer 2

If your mom decided to forgive your dad and stay with him, then she should have done just that. I don't blame her about being resentful about past abuse but she has decided to stay and give him a second chance. She obviously isn't giving him a second chance if she is starting fights all of the time. She is very wrong to poison your mind against him.

Answer 3

Your mom may or may not have a right to be angry with your dad. However, she is definitely wrong for even mentioning it to you! She is also wrong to tell you that she's only in the marriage for you and your brothers/sisters. What does she expect to achieve?

The next time she starts to vent at you, simply say "mom, it's between you and Dad". If she mentions only being here because of 'you kids' tell her that she doesn't have to be here.

Don't put up with it, she shouldn't be doing this.

xx Emmie

Answer 4

My parents were the same. My mum was always winging to us kids about dad. They fought heaps & mum used to always tell us that she would leave him if not for us kids. Now im 31 & she still thinks we owe her for everything she paid for when we were in school. I just distance myself. My dad is now 63yrs old & we had to put him into a nursing home last week for dimentia. My mum doesnt seem too worried. She is a selfish person.

Answer 5

i don't care HOW responsible your dad feels --it is a few poor abuse! he's likewise committing a severe crime and could injure you badly or kill your brother. that is not what a "stable dad" does! you may permit somebody be attentive to what's happening. consult with a relative (although they are much less possibly to prefer to get entangled), a instructor, college counselor or extra advantageous yet, the police. in the adventure that your father is hitting your brother, do not try reasoning with him: call THE POLICE! they are going to be waiting to attend to him or perhaps arrest him. supply up thinking that letting him escape with this could make issues extra advantageous. Abusers continually worsen! in the adventure that your father won't supply up, he would be put in detention center, the place he belongs. Your brother (and probably all the youngsters) can bring about foster care or with a relative. many times, toddler retaining centers won't pass away any youngsters with an abuser who's as undesirable as your father. in case you extremely care approximately your brother, try this for him. call THE POLICE! Be stable.

Answer 6

Oh sweetie I m so sorry! You moms full of it! Take it from an older woman who's been there shes not with him because of "the kids"! You might NICELY remind her shes the adult and you really don't need to know about her problems. Just so you know what your mom is doing is a form of child abuse. I don't know how old she is but she might be going through a form of menopause and is just trippin don't take to much to heart if so she might need meds!

Answer 7

She has a right to be angry with your father. She does not have the right to drag you into it. She does not have to right to try to poison you against your father. Her behavior is abusive. Try telling her how it makes you feel when she says those things to you. You should also encourage her to get therapy. Marriage counseling and family therapy is probably a good idea for your whole family too. Good luck.

Answer 8

My mom was like that a while back and it is almost same thing that was happening to me. Finally, I told my mom that I was tired of it. I also told her not to stay with our dad because of us and to just leave him because she wanted to. If you feel that by them staying together is making things worst maybe you should suggest for them to seperate because its affecting you. Try to talk to your mom and tell her your dad has changed. All she is doing is making the matter worst.

Answer 9

Get her a good book on forgiveness so she can deal with her issue from the past. Tell her lovingly and honestly that you don't want to hear negativity about your dad because it is emotionally destructive for you. You want to love them both and think well of both of them. Get her to talk to someone else about it.....hopefully a counselor. It's not healthy for you to listen to all that. It's not healthy for her to still be hooked to the past.

Answer 10

She could have always been the abusive one. He might have took up for himself about 20 years ago, and it still ticks her off now. Ask him for his opinion on the matter. And ask your mom nicely will she stop putting your dad down to you, that you will always love him regardless.