What do I do when the relationship is about to crash and burn?

Question

O.K. links to back story...
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgvdSiX8FrvJ0wUPPKd.1yjty6IX?qid=20070615225153AAn9Nxv
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtyRjs_jB2CwYxGG8Eg4wcPty6IX?qid=20070615151141AA0PJEV
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Avwvi7K4glfmZ4wPcWI1iLjty6IX?qid=20070615144417AAXw73G

That's the little lady's post. (I hate giving 1 side). So now I'm back in the house living with her. She said she hates me when we broke up. And I'm back living with her. I understand her issue with me. I have not been motivated for awhile. Getting fired, quitting one for her, and a series of temp jobs is just not working. I have a degree in computer science and 12 years of exp., but can't get a perm. job. I didn't look after my last job, but I was bring her grandmother to cancer treatment. Away this is the 3rd or 4th break up this year. Even with me changing my actions, the cycle is about to repeat and she most likely will hate me more. Now what?

Well I am bring money in. I sold my rental prop. back in New Orleans and have a note on that. Matter of fact that how we got in this apart. My contract ended without notice, and she lost her job. Me selling it gave us the money to move in and get some things we needed. And I do the chores around the house. Not saying that it's 50/50, but I not just sitting here with nothing coming in.

Answer 1

Thanks for giving both sides. The love is there, you can't take what is said in the heat of anger to heart. When the emotions are running high, we say things we wish we didn't. As for the job, you can get one. You need to be persistant and treat the job hunting as a job. That means a full time job, going out everyday with your resume and a positive attitude. Having a loving wife to come home to that's not stressed out with bearing the brunt of paying all the bills should be your motivation. It's not a fair situation by any means. You need to expand your horizons and look outside the box for a job, find something that is in the periphials of your experience. Don't just narrow your search to a particular job title you've held in the past. In order for your marriage to work you have to approach it as a partnership. When someone is giving 80% and the other is only giving 20%, there's bound to be burn out on the 80% side. It's nice that you are bringing her grandmother to cancer treatments, but it's not pulling your weight at home. Good luck to you both, I hope you can work it out.

Answer 2

I didn't bother to read the back stories, but from what you said, seems like you just can't get it together like a man should. (taking her grandmother to cancer treatments? Nice, but you probably didn't have a job, and since you weren't bringing any money in, she HAD to work and couldn't take time off) If it's not working out with your comp sci degree, look for something else. It doesn't have to pay you $80K a year; just prove you are really trying, instead of sitting on your butt wondering why she's always upset with you. Put yourself in her position. She probably dreamed of finding a man who would help out, you know 50-50. You don't have to maintain her, but she shouldn't be maintaining you. Do her a favor and break up with her for good.

Answer 3

Wow, you better make some changes quick. First of all, if you have been changing jobs a lot, employers are going to look at your resume and think you are a slouch. Second, if you don't bail on the relationship, things aren't going to cycle, they are going to get much much worse. You will never get a permanent job because your life will be preoccupied by the stress of your homelife. Seriously, do whatever you have to, but bail quick. Be a coward and just pack up one day while she is gone and leave a note, or tell her the truth and leave no option but leaving.

Answer 4

let it go. U obviously can't make her happy and one of u needs 2 stop the cycle. Move on, get a job and take care of u and let her go 2 find the person she thinks she deserves b/c u aren't him. U need someone who will motivate u and make u want 2 be a better hard working person 4 them and she's not it 4 u either. Good luck

Answer 5

Stop asking questions here and get some marriage counseling. It is obvious from her posts that she loves you. You can work this out. Relocate and start fresh somewhere else if that's what it takes.

Answer 6

I will tell from experience to move on with your life and try to stabilized yourself. you say u have a computer degree you can apply @ bestbuy.com or go to apple.com and apply to be a computer tech. or go to monster.com or hotjobs.com and look for a job. one thing i will tell u is that it take time to get replies from employers but be consisted and you'll see.

Answer 7

If you think it will happen and can't change to accomodate it , best to get out and let both of you find someone that accepts the other as they are. Good Luck to both of you.

Answer 8

if you two are fighting that much step aside let it crash and burn I know it is eaiser said than done but if there is hate in a relatationship then it was over once the hate showed up

Answer 9

See when you can feel the time has come for break up then listen to what your heart says. If yor heart says to leae him or her then do it. Remember what heart says is actually what god says. With love from Raj

Answer 10

get job,monster.com,get apt., get real girl f