I have an ex that just doesn' want to let go. He was a total control freak, controlling every possible aspect of my life. What happened at the end of our relationship is that I slept with another guy. Yeah, I know, I know. I am not the cheating kind and I never did that before. This controlling guy just drove me to the wall after 4 years of hell. I am still struggling with my mistake and have hard time forgiving myself. But I never loved my ex, which I realized at the end.
I told him I do not want to be friends due to his controlling behaviour which makes him appaling to me, but he is having a really hard time getting over me that he thinks he can force me to talk to him by blackmailing me. He says he will tell my boss what happened ( I am a PhD student and the guy I slept with was a project student from another country in our lab).
2007-06-18 04:17:24 · 6 answers · asked by stargazer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not that I am affraid of that, I can easily say that it's none of my bosses business whatever he says, but do you think I am right in not responding to his messages? I just don't want to call him and then he will think there's hope for us when there is no chance in hell. I feel so sorry for him, I know how it is to love someone so much who doesn't love you back. Since I can relate, I wanted to call him and tell him that, but I fear that he will at some point start calling me more and harrassing me. I wanted to make a point by not calling him after he blackmailed me in a text message to prove he has no control over me and that the power is back in my hands in deciding my own life. But, is this correct? Would you lead him on telling him you can be friends and then talk to him maybe once a year? I am lost.
2007-06-18 04:17:32 · update #1
We were never friends. He is too selfish to engage someone else's feelings. And he treated me like ****, btw.
2007-06-18 04:19:46 · update #2
You have done the one thing the a controler can not stand and accept. You have left and broke free of the controll. It appears that he is using every desperate tactic that he can to get you back in his control. When you said that you feel sorry for him, you are saying that he still has some control of your emotions. Rather than respond to his threat of blackmail, you need to tell him that you are keeping record of his calls, his text messages, voice mail...etc. and that if he does not leave you alone you will report him to the police for harassment. Do not admit to anything, just tell him you are done with him, there is no hope, no future and he needs to move on. Do not say sorry or that you feel bad for him, just cut the ties and go. Do not call him back any more, no texting, no voice mails, no emails, nothing.
2007-06-18 04:39:40 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stargazer, I would just politely tell him that you do not love him and that you hope you can remain friends. Tell him you are sorry for how things ended, but that you think it is best for both of you to move on and find someone else. And then...leave it at that.
If he continues to control and blackmail you, then I think you ignore him. He needs time to come to grips with the end of the relationship.
Best of luck.
2007-06-18 04:23:41 · answer #2 · answered by Scott O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a firm beliver that ex's can NEVER be friends and this guy needs to know that he can't make someone be with him weather its just friends or more then just friends you can't control a person like theyre a puppet sooner or later you're going to drive them away ( wich he mangaed to do to you) if i were you i'd tell this guy that what you two had is over and you're moving on with your life and he needs to do the same.
2007-06-18 04:24:44 · answer #3 · answered by cocoprincess83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he goes to your boss, that is pettiness. And if your boss indulges in this gossip, then your boss isn't acting professionally. Just let it go. Don't talk to him, don't worry about the blackmail. Just ignore his calls and attempts to regain control over you. You have more power than that.
2007-06-18 04:22:22 · answer #4 · answered by leeseylou2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were so miserable, you should have ended it before 4 years had passed...by formally telling him you are breaking up...not by sleeping with someone else...Obviously, it is illegal for him to stalk you...You can get a restraining order if you feel it has come to that...Usually there are 2 sides to every story though...He would probably say you treated him like **** too...
2007-06-18 04:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by Terry C. 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Restrainig orders make the point.
2007-06-18 04:22:00 · answer #6 · answered by mediahoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋