I didnt marry her before because im waiting for the result of my annulment. Now that i am annuled and free. My mom and my gf already is trying to rush me into marriage. Honestly I already have fallen out of love because of qualities I dont really like. My previous wife cheated on me and got pregnant by her co worker while working abroad. What do i have to do? Marry my gf now although i dont want to? Because thats what my mom and my gf want and because we already have a kid. Or should i run away? If i dont marry my gf my mom would definitely disown me and also i may not have a chance to see my daughter again. So confused... Pls help...
2007-06-18 03:47:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thats a tough situation to be in. If you don't want to be married, don't get married. You're going to have to be completely honest with your girlfriend and your mother about these things to try to maintain your relationships with them.
Since you and your girlfriend already have a child, I would encourage you to be sure of your feelings before deciding you do not want to be with her. Perhaps you just need additional time after the end of the other marriage to come to terms with things.
As far as your mother goes regarding being disowned, one question that comes to mind is this.
Do you want me to enter into another marriage with someone for whom I have questionable feelings about?
And another question would be: Wouldn't it be irresponsible and more hurtful to marry someone I am not sure I love?
Don't write off these relationships, but don't marry just to satisfy others either.
I do not envy your circumstances. Best of Luck.
2007-06-18 03:57:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a major life altering decision. If you do not want to marry this girl, whether you have a child or not, you should not marry her. There will be heat from this decision for awhile, but it will eventually smooth over. Time heals many wounds. You cannot be denied access to your daughter. You will have to pay child support and if you cannot come to an amicable conclusion about visitation rights with your girlfriend, the judge will decide them for you when you go to court. Before court, make sure give your girlfriend child support payments before being forced to do so. It will look good to the judge who will be deciding your visitation. Make sure you get receipts for ALL money given to your girlfriend. I always try to stress this point. Many men go into court claiming to have already paid money to exes but unable to prove it.
I am sorry for your difficult circumstances. Maybe you should try sitting your GF down and talking to her, and explaining the way you feel. Let her know you don't want to be pressured about marriage anymore. It just may be possible you could change your mind down the line if you should choose to stay if she and your mom lighten up. But, definitely do not marry her if you don't want to.
Best wishes
2007-06-18 04:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mother would disown you because you don't want to ruin your life then she's not a very good mother! Marriage would be a huge, huge mistake for you! Quite frankly, living with your girlfriend and acting like your married was also a big mistake on your part. First, you need to sit down with your mother and tell her you can not and will not marry someone you don't really love. Tell her that you are having huge doubts, you don't think the marriage will last, and you don't want to go through divorce #2. Be very serious when you talk to her and do not allow her to talk you out of it. Then second, you need to sit down with your girlfriend, apologize and inform her that you can not marry her for the same reasons. Pack your bags and move out.
2007-06-18 04:25:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So now that you are able to stop playing house you dont want the real deal anymore? I dont understand, you have been living with her for 4 years, have a child, used other things as an excuse not to get married before, now you have new ones? Her qualities, you should have saw those qualities before your annulment and dissolved the relationship before. I wish you the best.
2007-06-18 03:54:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The quickest route to a divorce is to get married unwillingly. You should go with what your gut tells you to do. If you want to stay unmarried for a while, do it. Hate to sound like a cliche, but if your mom and girlfriend wanted you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Your mother will not disown you, as long as you are a good partner to your girlfriend and the best father you can be, give it some time to see if you want to get married, only then should you walk down the aisle. I don't want to sound rude, but your mother should really butt out of your relationship, it's none of her business.
2007-06-18 04:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want.
As you've already learned, marriage is tough enough without being forced into it bc of previous situations. You can still be a father to your daughter without being married to her mom....people do it all the time. There is no reason for your mom to disown you bc of your feelings. This doesn't have anything to do with her life. If you are providing for your daughter, your parental rights cannot be taken away.
2007-06-18 04:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need tho have a talk with your mother and girlfriend and tell how you feel about getting married right now. I understand that you dont want to rush into something and it turn out to be a bad thing I say take the time that you need to see if you want to marry this person.
2007-06-18 04:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by Dessert♦Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anyone pressure you into getting married, regardless of the circumstances. Marrying someone because of a child isn't a basis for a good marriage. Wait until you want to get married to do it. She can't keep your daughter from you forever. The two of you can go to court, set up child support and visitation if you decide to leave. Don't get sucked into a marriage you aren't ready for, but take care of your child, always!
2007-06-18 03:52:50 · answer #8 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, marry someone you are NOT in love with. While the pressure from them may be hard, it will be even harder to be in a loveless marriage and harder still to leave that marriage when you think you can suffer no more. Tell your mother to butt out, if she loves her that much, she can marry her. As far as seeing your daughter, as long as you pay your child support you can have visitation rights.
2007-06-18 04:18:05 · answer #9 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her. Are you listed as the childs father on her birth cirtificate? If so, go to court to set us child support payments and a visitation schedule. If not, take responibity and get these things done. Good luck
2007-06-18 04:09:02 · answer #10 · answered by J M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋