My husband went on a bender again this weekend...consuming about 6 gallons of wine (and no that isn't a typo)....we had a terrible fight last night where he said some really awful things to me (which he does every time we argue drunk or not) and this morning he was a total jerk...then I called him at 6 am to make sure he was ok and we had a long talk and he apologizes but you can tell he is still upset and then he sends me a text and says "is our marriage doomed"...I am depressed and confused...what do i do?
2007-06-18 03:32:48 · 27 answers · asked by Notagain 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't you think consuming 6 gallons of wine is an indicator of something?
2007-06-18 03:38:15 · answer #1 · answered by ohbuck26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want your marriage to work, get counseling. Especially for his drinking problem. Whether he wants to admit it or not, it IS a problem. If you get along otherwise, drinking aside, all marriages are worth working on. However, if he refuses to do anything about the drinking issue, I think your marriage is doomed. After the drinking issue has been addressed, then marriage counseling would be in order. You both are looking at things differently and need to get on the same page. I have been married for 26 years. First marriage ended in divorce because we never could talk about anything. This second marriage works because we can talk about anything. Nothing is off limits and when we NEED to talk, we don't go at each other's throats. I couldn't and wouldn't tolerate the "benders", a good time shouldn't involve drinking yourself into obliviian. (sorry about the spelling, but you get my drift.) Seek counseling and then you will know you did everything possible to save your marriage, if it doesn't work out at least you will know you tried.
2007-06-18 10:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by Grandma of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went thru this exact same thing with an ex. She would get drunk and pick a fight. Then the next day she would still be mad at me even though she couldn't remember what we argued about. She went to AA and got some help but it only uncovered more problems and why she was drinking so much. I left her because she was bringing out the worst in me.
2007-06-18 10:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by champion28601 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u cant really avoid argue because it makes ur relationship stonger too and sweeter but always remember not to hurt each other physically or verbal
u should always take time or think twice before opening ur mouth and say awful thing to ur partner, and remember even if ur partner is telling or saying awful things about u just take it, dont exchange awful things because it can make the the situation worst so just take it and be cool because it can calm him down and then when u are both calm thats the time that u can tell him ur inner most thought regarding the rpob. ot the issue between that two of u,
goodluck
and be patient
2007-06-18 10:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by 00_tyradjh_00 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like drinking is one problem that needs to be addressed right away if the two of you want to save your marriage, that is the first thing the two of you need to address. Second is the ugly things he is saying, he can never take them back. It sounds like the two of you need to sit down and see how you want to address this, the drinking needs to stop, because the stuff that happens when drunk or drinking do not get better, they tend to get worse. The hurtful things can probably be dealt with through counseling, but both of you need to go and be there willingly.
2007-06-18 10:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you never mentioned what is that really awful things he is always saying to you. But I think there is a deeper reason for your fight. Does he work? If not, why? Have you done something in the past that make him feel insecure or jealous? If you still love each other but trust becomes a problem then really that is a problem. Love is easier to revive than trust. But love conquers all...just be patient.
2007-06-18 10:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by Gem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he drink so much? This sounds like a classic case of a mean drunk that apologizes after the fact and begs for second chances, swearing that he will never do it again. If this trend keeps up, it is only a matter of time before he hits you during one of his episodes. How much are you willing to put up with? If it were me and I couldn't get him to seek help for his drinking, I would leave.
2007-06-18 10:40:36 · answer #7 · answered by marlio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are MARRIED!!!!! You shouldn't be talking about your problems by phone. You need to talk it through face to face. You aren't in high school anymore, both of you are adults. You need to tell him how you really feel and if he doesn't like what he is hearing let him walk away. You will end up in a better relationship than this one. There are plenty of men out there that will appreciate a wife like you that cares about their safety. Don't feel that you are stuck in that relationship forever when you are not. You just have to find the courage to open the other door and look what's behind it. You will probably like what's behind that one than the one you are in right now. Good Luck, and always look for happiness, even if that means starting over.
2007-06-18 10:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by mrz_lr 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would give him an ultimatum - stop drinking, or lose me!! Then, stick to what you say! If he doesn't want to stop drinking, you need to move on before you become more co-dependant than you already are!!
If he doesn't get help, his drinking and his abusive behavior will only get worse! You, however, are not responsible for him! He has to want to change, you can't force it! You have to take control of your own life and decide what you will and won't live with! Let him know that you love him but that you cannot tolerate his drinking binges anymore! Tell him that you are willing to help him through it if he is willing to get help, but otherwise you have to leave.
You should look into Alanon meetings!
Good luck!
2007-06-18 10:47:59 · answer #9 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a regular occurance maybe you're not meant to be together. People can say/do mean things but if it happens often I'd question if I/We were truly happy and in love.
You shouldn't be arguing to the point you call eachother names every time. This just shows you are fedup with eacother and are looking to "hurt" one another. It may not be physical but these types of bruises take longer to heal.
Try talking with him about it. Maybe you two would find that you agree things should be over and done with so you can get on with your lives. Just because you meet someone and think you're in love doesn't mean it is the case.
Maybe you're together our of convenience rather than love.
Think about it, talk it over (without get angry).
Marc
2007-06-18 10:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋