Is it true that a woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't and a man marries a woman...

Question

I've heard this expression a few times in my life and I've always wondered about it:

"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does."

I haven't been married so I don't know, but I'm curious about about other people's perspectives and experiences on it...

-Thanks!

Answer 1

I've heard it before also. It doesn't mean it is true. Every person it different. Every marriage is different. We all change as we mature and age.

Answer 2

Everyone changes. I certainly am not the same I was at 5 or 13 or 25 or 35 and I am sure when I am 70 I will be much different than I am now. When I comes to marriage it is the expectations that are not dealt with that result in one believing that their partner is no longer the person that they married. Man or woman.

Answer 3

There's a lot of truth to that saying. Guys usually marry what they see as a really sweet lady and their dream is that she's going to stay exactly like that forever like the princess in the fairy tales. Women usually marry a guy who seems to meet their needs and is perhaps nice and charming but he's got a few habits and attitudes that are just going to have to change and which point he'll be just right.

While that is generally fairly common, the reality is a lot different. First of all you can't change anyone at any time. You can sometimes make them aware that they need growth in a particular direction and if they happen to agree, you can be supportive as they struggle through that growth period. If they don't agree there's nothing to be done but to accept the person as he or she is and focus instead on admiring their strengths. One saying I rather like in this regard ... don't teach a pig how to sing, it's damn near impossible to do and it annoys the hell out of the pig.

The other reality though is that people never stay the same. As we go through life we experience many things, we learn many lessons, and these things change us. The changes are hopefully for the better but can sometimes also be for the worse. There are often some things about us that are stable and unchanging througout the decades of life, but those are few, often if you meet someone twenty years later you will find a completely different person in many regards. How different depends on how many life affecting experiences they had over that time.

So those are the realities. The saying illustrates our dreams and expectations as we go into a marriage, not how it actually turns out. While the woman does believe she can change her man, and though he will change over time, the changes won't usually be the ones she wanted. Similary the guy really wants that wonderful girlfried to remain the same always but of course she too will continue to grow and change and how sweet she remains is often dependent on how sweetly the fellow treats her in the longer term.

I hope that helps a little.

Answer 4

I didn't want my husband to change after we got married. I loved him for who he was and he hasn't done anything different in the year we've been married. I want him just the way he is. Although, I did have a friend who got married thinking the responsibility of being a husband would changer her man and it did the opposite. So I guess it depends on the relationship itself.

Regardless, don't expect anyone to change.

Answer 5

Everyone changes in one way or another. It is unrealistic though to think that you can change someone or that someone will never change (which may sound like a contradiction, but really it's not). I think it's the main source of conflict for most couples. I've found that phrase has been true in my marriage. It's the fundamentals of men and women and their in-born differences that make everything seem so complicated.

Answer 6

for me it wasn't so much a change, but just to grow up. no that does not mean he was acting like a child

see, i met my husband when we were in our early 20's. for both, our way of thinking was still immature and not very experienced in the world as far as having responsibilites or what not.

as you get older and go through things, life makes you grow up. also the added responsibility of having children, bills, and a career.

i think the problem becomes when that man still wants to act like a teenager and spend money without thinking or buy unnecessary things when household needs come first. or go out (all the time) instead of spending time with the children.

so i guess what i am trying to say, we as wives are not trying to change the man, but the circumstances are what changes and therefore, he needs to change according to that life style (that he has volunteerily entered into)

good question, really had to think about this one

Answer 7

Men do not want women to change as far as there appearance.Many men marry a beautiful woman,and 10 years later they are not so beautiful.Some of us women tend to let ourselves go once we are married.Some of us stop doing our hair,nails etc.We start wearing sweat pants instead of a nice outfit.We also gain 100 pounds.We need to make sure that we always worry about our appearance even if we have been married 20 years plus.It keeps our men happy.

Answer 8

Sometimes it is very true...

What most fail to realize is that we all change. One just hopes that couples can grow and change together.

If one is changing (growing) and the other does so in separate ways. It can create stress. I think whats worse than change is stagnation with one partner. When one partner is truly growing and the other wants to keep things just the way they are and fears and resents any change, I beleive it creates much more conflict than two people who can support and encourage each other's growth even if that growth isn't along the same paths all the time.

My 2 cents anyway...

Answer 9

When you marry someone, you should marry them for who they are. If there are some things that need changing, then you help them ease into a new lifestyle.

You can't change someone, they have to want to change. They also can't change overnight.

Every one changes throught a marriage. No one stays the same.

Answer 10

I think it's not always true but that it's probably true more often than not. The classic example is the woman who thinks the way her fiance treats her will change after he becomes her husband, like he's going to stop visiting his friends, cut back on playing video games, talk about his feelings more, etc. It's like she thinks a wedding has magical powers of transformation. If you get married on Saturday, the guy is going to be exactly the same on Sunday as he was on Friday.

Answer 11

I married my man for who he is and hope he wont change. So that part is wrong. But I think in every realtionship people change and are different from when they were dating. Sometimes its negative and others positive. It just depends on the marriage and how much people care about eachother.