Sexless Marriage?

Question

I am married to a wonderful woman. She is a terrific mother and wonder homemaker. Kind of a Martha Stewart type, but better looking. I love her dearly.

The problem is that she has absolutely no interest in sex whatsoever. Now, I'm not a sex addict, but I do need sex more than 3 times a year...and thats on a good year!

My question then is this...what do I do?? I need sex...do I pay a professional?...line up a regular booty call or just continue to "cuff the dummy?"

Answer 1

Welcome to my world! And here I thought I was the only one! Mine may be a little worse though because my wife has actually become very angry at all things that I do. For me the situation is bleak and after 25 years of marriage and 2 kids the end is looking very near. Life is too short and I cannot believe that my destiny is to be spent being this miserable.

Sometimes maybe ending a marriage is the best answer for all concerned..... I Hope so!

Good luck to you and I appreciate the chance to vent!

Answer 2

I would tell her you need to talk when you two have a few minutes alone together. Once you get her to sit down with you then you should tell her everything you said here like you love her dearly and she's a great wife, mother, homemaker etc. Then tell her, but I am having some issues with our sex life and tell her you love her very much and want to be intimate with her more often to show her how much you care and b/c it is an important part of a healthy relationship and ask her what you can do to spice things up for her to make it more worth while for both of you in the end.

Answer 3

I KNOW A LOT OF FEMALES ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT I SAY BUT OH WELL.
I think if a woman dose not have sex with her husband then she should not be mad when he cheats on her. It is her responsibility to keep her man happy. If she is only having sex three times a year then she has issues. And if you have talked to her about the lack of sex and it has not helped. Then i understand why you would go and sleep with someone else. I have been with my husband for 8 years and if i did not have sex with him i would understand why he would cheat on me.I think you need to find someone that dose not want a relationship and just wants to have casual sex. Or you can get a professional or handle it your self but that will only last so long. As long as you are safe with what ever you do i say go for it. I know to many men that go through this and i think it is ridicules that a woman will not satisfy her man. If you do cheat on her in this case i do not think it would be because you just don't want her you do but she just don't give it up and i fell so bad for you . Because you are missing out on a really special part of a relationship. Hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 4

I agree you need to talk to her, tell her all the things you said here about being a great wife, good looking, a great mother and how much you love her and that you need sex more often. But you also need to find out why she doesn't want sex in the first place. Is it uncomfortable, does it make her feel "dirty", is there more you could do to make it pleasing for her. Maybe she needs to see a doctor if there is a physical problem. Perhaps there is even a deeply buried psychological issue that she has never shared with you. Is she on medication, this can also affect her libido. These are things that need to be discussed thoroughly. But maintain the fidelity of your marriage, please don't stray, it is absolutely devistating to all involved.

Answer 5

I went through a phase not so long ago when I really went off sex and my husband did cheat on me.

It wasn't that I didn't love him, or not care about his needs I just didn't feel like sex, although I did go through the motions for his sake, at least twice a month, but that wasn't enough he wanted me to enjoy it too.

I eventually 'cured' the problem when I came off the depo injections, but by that time the damage had been done. We are still together but I have little respect for him and our whole relationship has changed. So he's now got the sex but I think he's a bigger w*nker than he was when he was pleasuring himself.

If you want the mature answer, try to work through this problem together. If you can't get through it then get a divorce. Do not go elsewhere or you may end up with the divorce anyway.

Answer 6

Does she use it to control you or is the drive simply just not there?

Is there a physical or psychological reason she is unwilling to address?

Sex is a part of a strong "intimate" marriage and if that area is lacking, there is something wrong. No one gets married to have a platonic relationship.

Talk to her about it, gently. If she is hostile and unwilling to address the issue at all, you could have more serious problems to deal with.

Whatever you do...don't cheat, don't stray. Stay loyal to her.
If you two can address the issue together, wonderful...

However, if you two can't fix this, it will likely be a cornerstone issue for splitting up. I hope not. If that happens, you never want to have had any extra marital relationship. Don't throw away your honor and your word on a few moments of cheap pleasure.

Answer 7

This happens in a lot of marriages - women are not turned on by sight and therefore, it takes a lot longer for them to get in the mood. Especially when their minds have been on work, housework, kids, laundry, etc. . . all day long - they are not able to switch from one thing to another quickly and usually think about several things at once. Men, on the other hand, have the ability to move from one box to another box - especially the sex box in the blink of an eye. Men's minds are less complex - (envy here) as they normally focus on one thing at a time. To obtain more sex, you need to start romancing her from the morning on - tell her she's beautiful and help her get the kids ready for school. Send her flowers during the day - call and tell her you were thinking of her and just wanted to say you love her and that she has an incredible sexy body. Come home and help with dinner, bathing the kids or whatever you can do to help around the house and when all is quiet, offer to massage your wife's feet and then move up her legs, etc. .

The reason sex goes so stale in marriage is because men and women are turned on differently and men don't want to put in all the effort they need to put in to get sex on their wife's mind - and that is how to get a woman in the mood - through her mind. Eyes do nothing for us.

Good luck.

Answer 8

it sounds like you are very fortunate to have such a agood wife, and mother for your kids. Your wife is also very fortunate that you love her so much and are so patient. I'd say your situation warrants some counseling, especially if your needs are not being met. A lot of times women get so tired with all of the household chores and running around, that they have very little energy for anything else. However, we have to do what we can to satisfy our husbands, because if we don't, someone else will. I'm not trying to say that men are dogs, it's just that those needs are very powerful for a man, and should be satisfied by his wife. Is there a way that she can be alleviated of a little bit of her work load so that she will have more of an interest? I hope that something can be worked out for the both of you.

Answer 9

I hate when women sexually abandon their husbands and then complain when their husband finally cheats. She needs to understand that not meeting you half-way at least makes you feel rejected and hurts your self esteem. If she has no drive whatsoever, and understands the impact her inactivity has on you, then she should be willing to seek help on the issue. I know at one point I had no drive, but it was an effect of having a thyroid disorder. Once I received the proper meds, my sex drive came back.

Polishing the bishop becomes real old, but if you are truly unhappy, and she refuses to get help for her problem, then maybe divorce is the answer. An affair would really hurt her if she found out, and since you do love her, you would never forgive yourself.

As for being too tired....please. It's just an excuse. Yes, helping her out at home would be great, but if I refused sex every time I was tired, I'd be doing it as often as your wife. That's why you sleep afterwards.

Answer 10

Marriage has to have sex! It is not the foudation of a marriage,but it is very important.If you are at the point where you are considering paying for sex. I would consider seperating.I am against that,but it is better to do that than stay in the marriage,and cheat.You need to talk to her,and find out why she does not like sex.Is she attracted to you.Ask her that.Maybe, the sex is too quick or mundane.