Is this friendship over?

Question

I have been studying for 2 years and have a friend on the same course who has been very supportive. I totally forgot her telling me that her Mum was in hospital - I still have no recollection of it - but said I was really sorry and that cos I have been so busy recently, my brain has been like mush. She replied that no-one else had forgotten.

This made me feel real bad so I emailed her another apology and she replied that it was ok she didn't expect me to remember, she had supported me but when she needed support, she had found others to help.

I am not sure what to do now cos although I was a bad friend for forgetting her mother, I stood up for her when she fell out with someone else and have always kept in touch with her and helped her out when I could.

I am the sort of person who will help anyone out and have looked after peoples kids and pets when they needed it.... so what now?

Just thought you'd like to know... she has just emailed (in response to the guy who didn't like emails - it's our normal form of communication!) and I have replied so I guess we are still friends!!

Thanks for all the advice everyone, you really helped me x

Answer 1

Write her again and tell her that you truly are sorry and that it's killing you inside because you value your friendship with her so much and WANT to be by her side. However, tell her that you are going to give her the space and time she may want to get over being mad at you. No use trying to plead to someone who just won't listen. If your friendship with her is really valuable, just give her time but let her know that you are still there for her whenever she is ready to.

Answer 2

Ok, so you forgot something that was very important to her. Everyone makes mistakes. The very fact that you're trying to apologise and support her now means that you're a very good friend to her.

The fact that she's being a bit stubborn about it suggests that she's not really a true friend at all...but also could mean that she's just hurting. Leave the apology as it is, be prepared to support her if she needs it, but back off for a bit now. Give her some space and let her come to you. You've done the right thing, and if it's meant to be, it'll happen.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Just give her some time and space to cool off about it. She is under a lot of emotional stress at the moment, and she probably won't be acting like her normal self. I'd say stop apologising now though, you've said sorry and it was a genuine mistake, so if she wants to accept your apology she can, but you don't have to keep on and on feeling bad. Just be like you always have been with her, and if she can't get over this thing and keeps on giving you brush-offs then you'll know that the friendship really is over.

Answer 4

Just be supportive now. Your friend is upset. It takes time for that to go away. If you stick by her now and show your support, then she'll either come to and you'll be fine, or you'll drift apart. Either way, it happens. In any case, the friendship is not necessarily over. You let your friend down, but you are only human. In any case, why didn't she call you? Friendships run both ways, even if your mom is in the hospital. I don't intend that to place blame on her, but merely to emphasize that we are ALL only human. Your friend, if a real friend, should forgive you. If not, then it is time to move on anyway. Good luck!

p.s. Don't email her about this. CALL HER and talk to her. Of everything you did in this situation, the fact that you were impersonal and emailed would have bugged me more than the fact you forgot, but that is just me.

Answer 5

My mum is also in hospital. I do not expect from people to be with me. It's something personal. When you experience it you feel completely alone. But I must confess that all people calling me demonstrate their love, support and compassion which give me power to go forward, because I know my mum and me are loved by many many people.
She is not angry at you...I'm sure of...she is just very sensitive now. Stop apologising her. You already did it. Try to show her you love her and you'll be her friend for ever. when time passes, try to apologise to her and explain her that you passed a great school.

Answer 6

Be as honest as you can about it. From what you've written there it's easy to see your sorry.

The best friendships are built on honesty and understanding and that works both ways. She's out of order by being a "little off" but we all make mistakes. Given time, she will see how sorry you are.

I wouldn't say it's over.

Answer 7

It sounds as if your friend is just taking it out on you at the moment, im sure once her mother is out of hospital and she isnt worried about her anymore she will realise that she treated you unfairly. Dont blame yourself you havent done anything wrong, the best thing you can do is just try and be there for your friend if and when she needs you.

Answer 8

I think you need to be strong right now, she will come around soon, shes upset about her mother and is taking it out on you, she doesn't mean it, its true what they say "we hurt the people most close to us" Try not to make a fuss about it, once her mum is better she'll start to see things differently and glad that you are still there for her!

Answer 9

don't feel bad you did all you could. Friendship is unconditional if she cant See that then she isn't worth bothering with. Try one more time and then maybe say, look I am here when you want to talk and leave it at that. maybe she is stressed too?
Hope you work it out

Answer 10

Well make it up to her... send her a card maybe some flowers to cheer her up... Give her a visit... and reassure her that you'll always be there for her although you made a mistake and werent there for her the first time. and if you do go out to visit her... give her a big hug.. .letting her know things will be alright....