When should I throw in the towel?

Question

I've been married for 3 years. My husband is 11 years older than I. We've have issuses just like all married couples. Between us we have 7 kids (his 5 are grown and gone and I have 2...one in college and one that's 12) These are my issues: -I can't seem to get our families to blend. He has all girls and they have very dull/dry attitudes and I don't know how to connect with them. -He does not do anything for my 18-yr old son in college. -He refuses to put my name on the deed to his house which he owned before we got married and this makes me feel totally disconnected within the marriage -He drinks too much -I'm a highly sexual individual and he is not so there is very little passion and intamacy between us -Lately, I'm finding myself NOT enjoying him -We hardly talk or sleep in the same bed -Sometimes I find myself saying I hate him and my life -I can hardly stand being around his girls when they are over because they shut everyone out. Is it time 2 let this go?

Answer 1

With the exception of the twelve year old, who isn't his, your children are grown and gone, and would have probably little to say about the seperation. I also imagine your twelve year old has his own opinions, as it effects the children when the parents are stressed, and unhappy. I would say that you need to sit down with him and talk about this, and seriously consider ending this. I don't usually petition for the demise of a marriage, however it is clear that you are unhappy, SERIOUSLY unhappy. There is no reason for it to be that way. It seems like you are just going through the motions for the sake of marriage, when in reality it isn't worth the time or effort if he isn't going to be a part of it. Offer to go to marriage counseling, and see if there is a flicker of hope to save this. If there is, and you want to try, with his effort, then do so. Otherwise bail now before you are so miserable that you cheat, or he cheats or what ever. Don't become complacent to unhappiness---you deserve better.

As far as his children, there is nothing that you can do to change them. They will be and do what they chose. Even if there is resentment about you "taking the role" of mom, it isn't your burden, nor are you responsible to ensure their happiness, they are adults--they need to grow up. Stop worrying so much about the adult children's childish behavior and start worrying about you and your happiness--you still have one to go, and that child needs a happy place to be--not misery!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Why did you do this to yourself? Don't you know you're suppose to upgrade on your second marriage? I'm assuming you're no dummy here. Given that this is your second time around, it would be nearly impossible for you not know beforehand that 1) he was a heavy drinker and 2) that your families would not blend and 3) that you were more sexual than him. The reason why your hubby is not putting your name on the deed is because he's no dummy either. He already knows that your marriage will not last and he doesn't want to lose property that was acquired before your marriage. It's not marital property! It's only a 3 year marriage. You're not going to get any property, child support or alimony. So, if you can't stand what you did to yourself, it looks like you are going to have to get yourself out of your own mess.

Answer 3

Three years is a very short time when it comes to blending a family. But what stands out in your question is you seem to be focusing on all the negative aspects of your marriage but not in the sense of how can I fix it. Often if one person in the marriage is feeling disconnected so is the other one. Just from your question it looks as if communication (or lack of it ) is a factor. His unwillingness to put your name on the deed may stem from the feelings he is perceiving from you. If he can sense how unhappy you are why would he want your name on the home? You need to worry less about the dull/dry attitudes of his children and work on the most important relationship in this marriage-yours and your husband. One of the hardest families to blend is one that has already grown up. So try to remember the qualities that drew you to your husband. Talk to him in a calm manner about what the two of you can do to get back on the road to a happy marriage. Try to draw out your husband to express what his concerns and fears are in your marriage. If possible look into available programs for help within marriages and for blended families. I wish you well.

Answer 4

Maybe his kids got their dull/dry attitude from him. You have to understand where he is coming from. If you had a house would you leave it to him or your kids? That is his house im sure he wants to leave it to his children. If you are not sleeping in the same bed and it doesnt bother him then what is the point of being married. If I were you I would leave.

Answer 5

After this much time, this is how it is and how it's almost certainly going to be. Can you stand this for the long haul? If all that you say is true, then why are you married to this person? The daughter thing sounds rather inconsequential, but the rest - he doesn't sound like he's married to you, so why are you married to him?

Answer 6

def time to let go ...once in a relationship and u start to find faults ..then u will just find more and more and in the end u will hate im for it ...get out now so u may still remain on a friendly term ...what ever was there there isnt now

Answer 7

If you're not going to work on this situation, yes; it's time to let go. Most likely, you should not have married this man. He doesn't sound like a good risk.

Answer 8

I'm trying to figure out why you got married in the first place.

Answer 9

Sounds like it is WAY past time.