Married and want to be with another man... Cont.?

Question

Some of you want to know more background.... I am soon to be 47, been married 27 years, I have 3 kids, 2 adult and 1 a teenager. I also have a 30 yr. old stepson and 2 grandchildren. I don't think I am in love with my husband!!! we met when I was 19 back then he was everything I wanted, biker, parties, long hair, rough and tough friends. He's changed he's a warm, caring loving man.....But I am so BORED.... and it has nothing to do with the bedroom (its all good) but this other man makes me LAUGH and he talks to me and is interesting to listen to. I can't ask my husband to be these things... he can't its not in him. I know its wrong and I don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for, maybe if I see it than I will know, Don't be to quick to judge my friend or his religiuos beliefs, he has come a long way from where he has been. Its not all black and white there are a lot of gray area's. I hope I have answered your questions . thanks to all by cyber friends for you advice...

Answer 1

Ok ... I am going to go another way then most of the posters here. I believe that you should consider making a new life for yourself IF you can say you have addressed the following:

1. You have tried to improve the current situation at home and it (the boredom and lack of love) is not recoverable.
2. You understand that your relationships with all who know you now will be forever changed or will end totally and you can live with that (This includes your children who will most likely not understand).
3. You have real thoughts and beliefs that this other man can fulfill you for a long time ... and this is not a mid-life crisis that may end in the next few months or years with a feeling of ..."OMG ... what was I thinking?"

The reason I say that you may NEED to consider leaving is because sometimes in life, we may need to be selfish for ourselves. If you are living a life that is unhappy solely to please others then you need to make a change. Life is TOO Short and you are not 19 anymore. At 47, this may be your last chance to make a change (Sorry to be harsh, just a realist here). Just remember, if things do not work out with the change, there will be no going back to life the way it was, and you will find yourself trying to find love in an age group where it is fairly difficult!

Good luck to you and remember to consider the whole situation and the ramifications. Leaving may be right for you, but make sure it is well thought out.

Answer 2

You must find something constructive to do with your time. Take a college course, redecorate the house, join a health spa, plan some evenings out or a few weekend trips with your husband. Don't disrespect the man by cheating on him. And don't let another man see you in such a horrible light. Your husband hasn't had time to laugh it up and come up with smart conversation. He's been busy, working his butt off to keep you happy for 27 years. Should some other guy reap the benefits of his hard work? Should some other guy get to occupy your time, make you laugh and all the rest, when you have a loving husband at home who has dedicated his life to you? Wake up, girlfriend.

If you want witty conversation, you be the conversationist. When your man gets home, you put a smile on his face. Talk to him. Keep him abreast of the latest news, if nothing else. Be that fun girl he fell in love with. Laugh more yourself, and perhaps your husband will too. Whatever happens, don't take the chance of breaking his heart, because you're bored. That's not a good enough excuse. You would destroy everything he's worked for, and that's not fair.

Answer 3

First let me say that I don't think you will be judged by what you have said. It sounds like you miss the way your husband was. Sometimes it takes planning a little date here and there to help get things started again. Do you think that maybe you may like the attention that this other man is giving you? I really think that you should talk things over with your husband....not about the other guy, but about how you feel that things have slowed down between the two of you. Communication is key in relationships. Sometimes for something to be saved, you have to make the time.....you have a lot of years together to just throw them all away. I hope that this helps a little. I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 4

If you really aren't content in your marriage, do both yourself and your husband the favor of filing for a divorce and moving out. Why let your husband be the one left at home being none the wiser while you are having an emotional affair at the moment. 27 years are a lot of years to just throw away because a man makes you laugh. Perhaps both you and your husband stopped working on the marriage, perhaps things are boring because you both took it for granted. I dont know, you need to do what will make you happy, but at the same time, remember that you might be hurting your husband badly by doing this. I will wish you the best and hope that you find the happiness that you deserve.

Answer 5

I'm going to be blunt with you, you are old enough to handle it. You will be committing adultery. Your wedding vows are for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part. That includes being bored, or laughing your a** off.

You should be ashamed of yourself for what you are planning. Your husband has given you almost 3 decades of his life, your children together and the grandchildren.

If you are looking for someone to tell you it is okay to do this and some people on here might say go ahead and do it make yourself happy, but that still won't make it right. Adultery is a sin with dire consequences. You have free will to commit this sin, but you can not decide the consequences and you will pay them if you decide to go ahead with this very wrong decision, to leave the husband of your youth for someone you think is funnier. How very selfish of you.

I think you already feel guilty about it all and that's why you are on here looking for a way to do what you want and not feel so bad about it. I hope you will reconsider this very bad idea and stay with your husband, where you should be, stop talking to this other man, who is your temptation. Turn away from him and get back to your husband before you do this very, very bad act called adultery. You have no right to hurt your husband either.

Boredom is no excuse.

Answer 6

I learned a long time ago to be responsible for my own happiness. Your husband is not able to meet every whim you have and turning to another is not the answer-you will get bored with him too eventually. Decide to become interesting yourself. What can you do to make yourself more interesting? Look in the mirror and figure out what it is about YOU that is boring you-then make a change-More education perhaps? An exercise class? A spiritual journey? It is not the external situation that is boring you-it is what is inside that needs to change.
P.S. Count your blessings-It could be much worse. You have it within your power to become all that you need to have a happy life-don't blow it. Good luck!

Answer 7

You blame your husband for your own boredom and justify your behavior through this blame. This is not complex. Sadly you may throw away a 27 year relationship unnecessarily. Happiness stems from inside you. Not because another seems to offer stimulating conversation. Perhaps a little exploration into your own desires will quell the direction you are going in. When you are performing core desires your mind is set on those.

Answer 8

I don't think you are getting the answers you want, so you just keep asking. In my opinion you will never be happy with your ex high school sweetheart. He is just a fantasy.

If you want a real opinion about your relationship with this other man, then ask your husband. That will be an honest opinion. And you can watch his heart break right in two at the same time as you get your real answer.

I suggest that you get counseling with your husband. Just because your children are grown, does not mean they your decision will not affect them negatively.

Answer 9

I sure wouldn't give up a man that I have been with for 27 years for someone that makes me laugh. You say that you are bored? I always tell my kids that when they say they are bored....that they are bored because they must be boring. Find something exciting to do with your husband. Make an effort.

Answer 10

can't you realise that after 27 years of married life men can't laugh the same way they used to.running a family,children's affairs,job preasure,stress.worries about the future,economic uncertinity,fear of being unemployed,retirement plans.health care,inlaws,housing,insurance etc,etc makes a man serious.he has to meet up to all these challenges.he cant laugh anymore.

grow up yourself.be mature.thank him for not leaving you for all these years and being with you.
give in to your carnal desires at this age and ruin your family and children's future.no matter what stick with your husband.no time to play games.