no interest in the bedroom except on computer?

Question

i have been with him 9 yrs 2times a month is all i get the rest of the time i am doing it .the other day i walk in and he's watching porn what the hell no kids just us .usually i don't have a problem with porn but he trie to lye when i caught him with my own eyes i love him and he fufills me when i get it but why are men so blind to the way they degrade us .As a freakish woman i am truly truly hurt

Answer 1

Porn to men can be very private. Sometimes what we are looking at is "fantasy" (not "vanilla" sex) and we are afraid how our wives would look at us if they saw what we were looking at/ interested in trying. Pornography, especially on the internet, allows us to see things we would normally never try and would be afraid to ask our partners to do with us. It is a "free sample" of what the acts are. Do you want to see a threesome or gangbang? There are DVDs and web sites for that. Interested in a multi-racial liaison? There are only a million DVDs or web sites for that, too.

Looking at these things doesn't mean that your husband finds you unattractive. It probably means that he doesn't want to scare you with what he is interested in exploring and is afraid of how you will react.

I think the best way to solve this problem is communication. You hear it a thousand times but it is the truth. Turn to him and say "I want more sex from you. What can I do to make you want to have more sex with me?" Don't be accusatory when you say it like it is his fault. Make it a project or game you two can do together. That is the best way to get the sex you want.

The second part of your problem with your husband is to show him he has nothing to be afraid of when it comes to sex with you. Why not initiate a discussion with him some night after sex and say something like "Sex has gotten pretty boring. What do you say we look at some porn together and try new things?" That brings you into his "world" and he will not be as scared to talk about it with you. It could even be a heck of a lot of fun!

At the same time, the minute you feel uncomfortable you need to tell him so. If he wants to bring someone else home for you (or him) you need to let him know exactly how you feel. Sex is one of the best things in marriage but it is also one of the fastest ways to ruin one, too.

Answer 2

Another porn widow. Join the club.
It's an epidemic now that porn is everywhere on the internet, and it's destroying countless marriages, and men are falling prey to this cheap fantasy sex and becoming addicted, which is exactly what porn is made to do to a man, because essentially it is aimed at getting him to pay for it, and porn producers are very rich people indeed.
Sit your husband down and tell him that he is destroying your sex life by fulfilling his desires with imaginary sex with women that don't give a shite about him, and a real woman that loves him is sitting right next to him, willing and available. Tell him that he needs to open his eyes to the destruction he is causing in your marriage and sex life.
I want to warn you now that if he is lying, he will probably deny that porn has an ill affect on your sex life, and he could be far down the porn addict road. The way to measure this is: if he lies, if he hides it, if he says he will stop and lies and doesn't, if he fails to see the destruction he is causing, and if he's in porn mode when walking down the street--looking for sleazy women and getting that glazed over look, or staring too long.
I hope you realize that you are not the cause of this at all. Newly married, I wondered why we weren't having sex but every two weeks, only to notice that my new husband ten years older than me was shutting windows all the time and turning off his computer whenever he got in the shower, suspicious behavior for sure. His addiction was well cemented into his life before he even met me. You can't be a new woman to have sex with everyday like porn can be, and nor should you try to fulfill such a desire.
There are all kinds of people in this forum that are going to give you bad advice, and jump on your case because they will defend porn vigilantly, especially the males that are porn addicts, and the wives that have low standards and are just glad to have a man around at all. Go with your gut...and your gut tells you that you are being replaced by porn. Don't listen to any of the shallow excuses, like "it's a guy thing" "men are visual creatures" "would you rather he cheated on you with a real person?" and other crap like that. Those excuses are as shallow as the porn itself.
I hope you can get through to your husband. Be ready for a lot of resistance and lying on his part.
If you go down the counseling road...investigate whether the counselor is pro-porn or not. You could really waste a lot of time and money on a counselor who naiively doesn't realize the gravity of this situation and looks at you as if you are the one with the problem.

Answer 3

I think if you're only getting sex twice a month, and you guys have no children, something is seriously wrong. I have four kids, and my husband and I have sex about 3 times a week.

There is nothing wrong with watching porn..I'm far from a prude, but it's not ok for your husband to be watching it secretly, and not engaging in real sex with you. I would have serious talk with him. Perhaps he has a problem. Alot of men become addicted to poronography.

Answer 4

Most guys don't see or understand how they degreade us with porn. The reason they watch is because they wacth something they can't have. If all women walk around naked but something covering our faces, they be so infocus on are heads instead of are bodys. So maybe he has a fastany he wants or a style he wants but isn't found in the relationship. (No offense). Talk to him about it, what the problem is, how you can fix, and how you and your parnter feels.

Answer 5

"To me it quite is one nonparticipatory parent or 2." To me, this particularly says all of it. you recognize in case you bypass away and conflict financially, you is purely no longer waiting to be there on your toddlers. Then they'll have 2 father and mom that are no longer in contact of their lives. in case you reside, a minimum of you would be waiting to spend time which includes your toddlers. i could say bypass forward and stay there, considering that your husband is happy with the association on the 2d and you earnings from it too. If I have been you, however, i could placed forth as a lot attempt as achievable to get a greater advantageous paying job. mutually as your residing project would paintings out now, i'm specific you do no longer desire to be in that residing project continuously. purely evaluate this a momentary project! an incredible sort of folk stay mutually for some volume of time, after making the alternative to split, as a results of financial burden of keeping apart. oftentimes it may be for a quick volume of time, like some weeks or some months, however the region in any different case isn't unusual.

Answer 6

it seems to me that your husband needs to be able to push your buttons like that mouse. take the computer and hide it, then, miss freaky, show him how much more he can get out of the real thing. good luck and have fun.
TRY MAKING A VIDEO OF YOURSELF, PUT IT ON DVD AND HAVE IT PLAYING THE NEXT TIME HE TURNS THAT COMPUTER ON.

Answer 7

Tell him you prefer he doesn't look at porn.

Answer 8

I know what is up with that girly, you two really need to talk