we have a great relationship in most ways until it comes to the bedroom, i know he works a lot, 6 days a week and is very tired. but he never makes time for me. we try to make time at the weekend, but he has no interest in giving me any sort of pleasure, it is all very robotic and then he gets his 'release' which is me doing it for him and expects me to finish myself as he cant be bothered, and oral is completely out though he loves me doing it. he does not see why this is a problem, and thinks i should just be grateful for what i have got. i am 23 and he is 36.
am i wrong for asking for more of him, or should he be willing to compromise if he really loves me?
2007-06-17 23:26:11 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i have tried the dressing nicely, buying lovely new underwear too, nothing kinky just nice and fresh stuff.
i have tried change of scenery, but nothing works.
it has been going on for over a year now, he has never been great at giving me pleasure and i could count on one hand the amount of times in our 3 years he has given me oral. i have tried talking to him, i have tried leaving it alone.
i tried to get him to pleasure me first and then do him but that did not work, he still cant be bothered and just grabs my hand and tells me to do it, i am fed up with pleasing myself. it was exciting at the start because he loved to watch now he rolls over to sleep.
i am too young to be so frustrated, but i am scared to walk away because i love him so much and we have such a great life in every other way.
2007-06-17 23:48:03 · update #1
Why not try and concentrate on other parts of your relationship and back off on this side of things and he may well come running back to you.
I am having the same sort of problem, and this is what iam going to try. Dont force him to have sex with you, let him come to you when he is ready. This way you will both enjoy it more.
2007-06-18 21:47:11 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a selfish guy!!! Sorry for being blunt but he doesn't know how to satisfy a woman. You are not wrong for wanting more from him, my husband works 12 hours a day 7 days a week and would never be so selfish, his main concern is that I am satisfied!!!
You need to talk about this, if this is a problem for you now it will only get worse. Has he always been this way or is this a sudden change? If it is a sudden change then maybe he has a problem which he is not telling you about, if he has always been like this then I'm sorry to say, you should re think your future with him. I believe that sex isn;t the be all and end all of a relationship, BUT is does play a very important part.
2007-06-17 23:33:44 · answer #2 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have a great life in every other way, but are you willing to live with this for the rest of your life? That is the question you need to ask yourself. He doesn't seem to think he is doing anything wrong yet it is really bothering you.
You have to decide what you really want and go from there. This is bothering you now... so what will you do once you are married and it's 10 years from now? Is this what you want?
Move on... you are not married yet and this is a HUGE red flag that you two are not compatible in the bedroom and this is a HUGE problem in a marriage.
You are still young and have the rest of your life. Don't get yourself stuck with this issue that is really bugging you for life. Move on and find someone who can be compatible with you in and out of the bedroom.
2007-06-18 00:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man's reaches his sexual peak at the age of 30. A woman reaches hers at 40 and so there can be a huge difficulty in finding time for love and co ordinating.
Working 6 days a week is also not helping, he is tired and his sex drive is lower than it would normally be. Most men at his age are still very virile and can usually keep their partners satisfied, so there isn't anything wrong, physically.
Mentally however, there are problems and they need to be overcome. One of the best ways is to talk about your problems and ask him to talk about his. He will be reluctant at first, but with a little encouragement, he should open up to you.
Ask him when he most feels like loving and then try to co ordinate with him. A change of location can also help, so instead of the bedroom, try the living room etc
variety is the spice of life.
2007-06-17 23:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by Robin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes he is being selfish but just talking wont solve anything! I dont mean dont talk to him but try this first.
His work may well be proving a difficulty for him, try to make some time for both of you and make sure you are both in the mood, a film of dressing up nice could help.
If he is feeling like less of a man because he carn't do this for you then the conversation however you word it will be arkward and difficult.
But you carn't go through life 'unsatified' im glad you are taking into consideration the factor his work takes on him.
Try to be considerate and good luck.
2007-06-17 23:41:02 · answer #5 · answered by ben_m_g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say just stop giving it to him and when he wants. When he wants it bad enough tell him its time to do what you want and if he doesn't then its not worth it. You could always start pleasuring yourself and when he ask for sex tell him no and that you are almost done and you are going to sleep. That might wake him up. Plus you are way to young you could go out and get any other guy you want. If your love life is a problem now it might get worse when you finally marry him.
2007-06-17 23:33:14 · answer #6 · answered by maverick29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not satisfied in bed now, and he doesn't even try, you should not be engaged. He is not going to get any better after the wedding. You will have to live miserable like that for the rest of your life. If he really loved you, he would want you to be satisfied. If it were me, I would give him an untimatum--either you start being more sensitive about my needs or you are history!!
He is very lucky to have a young girl like you!!
2007-06-17 23:32:27 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would try backing off, act as if your too busy for anything anyway, and as if you could take it or leave it, dont give him any release either telling him ur knackered etc. it will make him want you more. i had the opposite situation, i had no drive while my fiance was so high, but him mithering me made me not want it even more, when he got annoyed and backed off for a while or so it made me want him even more, and i wanted him to want me again. (try not to let it rule you and cause arguments, there will be a way around it)if he still doesnt want it after youve backed off, then you may have to face that he just has low sex drive and decide what you both should do, either him pleasuring you without intercourse or invest in a rampant rabbit.(if he loves you he will want to make you happy)
2007-06-18 00:09:30 · answer #8 · answered by dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems you're compromising yourself to a certain extent. There is no reason to settle and be "grateful" for what you received, since it isn't fair reciprocation. Age is irrelevant in the equation. You have every right to not just ask, but demand more. He's S.E.L.F.I.S.H.! The situation has nothing to do with compromise from you OR him. It has everything to do with communication, acknowledgement, satisfaction and respect.
2007-06-17 23:36:45 · answer #9 · answered by Aria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm..I guess the age difference may be a toll on him too.. Its not wrong of you to ask more from him. If he really loves you and you all are getting into marriage, you all should be discussing over this.. Good sex is important in all relationships and marriage and both parties must contribute in order to make it work out well.. Talk to him first and see what you can get out of him.. If its creativity, you can get him some magazines or videos to enhance both of your sex life...
Good luck!
2007-06-17 23:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by jacquesLee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋