When do you know you have done enough to make your marriage work?

Question

You always hear people say, try and make your marriage work. But if you have married a woman for wrong reasons and even been stupid enough to have a baby together, does it make sense to try and make such a marriage work? If yes, then when have you tried enough?

Answer 1

If you love each other truly you can never try too hard. If you dont love each other it makes no sense to make it work as you are both missing out on true love.

Answer 2

I think it's less about knowing if you did enough and knowing what the root of the problem is and knowing what you need.

There are some things that can never be fixed, only improved. Fundamental characteristics of a person are things that can never change. You can't expect someone who is fundamentally a liar to never lie just like you can't expect that an alcoholic will never be affected by alcohol. All you can expect is that they can modify their behavior as best as possible. So the first step is figuing out what the root of the problem is. Is this something that can be changed or only modified? Because people don't change, they either just improve or falter.

But knowing the problem isn't enough. Your next step is figuring out whether her "improvements" upon her personality is enough to make this work. You may need (not want) more from her to have a healthy relationship. So this isn't just about what she can do, but whether that will be enough for real happiness (and keep in mind, this goes both ways).

If you realize that either what you need from her isn't enough or that she just can never become the person you need her to be, then you know you can't make it work. And while it's tough because you have a child and they are always the innocent victim, you also don't want to raise your child in a negative environment. better to be happy and single than married and miserable.

good luck!

Answer 3

Marriage, like other topics (e.g. politics, religion) are very sensitive issues to discuss. My opinion goes that marriage shouldn't be worked, it's not a job, but a relationship. You can't say you're married to a wrong woman. How did you know that? Why did you marry her in the first place? In all honesty, you married her because you thought she was the right woman, right? There is a saying in our country [Philippines] "Marriage isn't something you can drop like a hot potato when you burn" (or something like this). If you feel like you're working on your marriage, that's about the time you should be unmarried. You two don't deserve each other, better end it right there, than prolong the agony. So, my answer to your question really, is, when you feel you don't have anything more to give, then you've done enough.

Answer 4

I can truly understand your feelings on this because I too was in a somewhat similar situation. I felt I was really working at it I tried marriage counseling, talking with friends and everything else. When I eventually filed for divorce I even put that on hold because I wanted to try some more. I tried and tried more but to no improvement the only things that happened was I started spending more time away from the house by working a second full time job (I am in the military). My drinking went through the roof and almost had a mental breakdown because of trying so hard and all the stress I was getting from her. During this time we had a son and I helped to raise her daughter so there were 2 children I was dealing with. Sooner or later you have to be honest with yourself don't be like me and everything you are going through almost cost you your life
(I had thought about suicide) I had to be strong and divorce her and now I feel allot better mentally and physically.

Answer 5

If you are 100% not in love or loving your spouse then I would say it's over. When you are hurting 9 out of 10 times all of the time. You know you did not marry for the reasons that would keep a marriage together.
If you can imagine your life being lived without your spouse as your spouse and that thought makes you truly happy - then I would say that you have tried enough.

Answer 6

Yes, you need to try and make it work. This is the situation you and your wife made for this child. Please don't hurt it anymore by getting divorced, unless the child's safety is at stake. Go for marriage counseling. It will take a lot of time, especially since it got started on the wrong foot. But do give it a year of marriage counseling, and see if things are any better. You may even have to change counselors if things don't get a teeny bit better in the first few months.

Answer 7

yes, it makes sense to TRY and make the marriage work. That doesn't mean it will. You know you're tried hard enough when you've tried everything you can think of (for example--really listening to her side of things, trying to understand the situation from her point of view, marriage counseling, etc.) and aren't getting good results. It is best to raise a child in a two-parent home, but it's the worst thing you can do for the child to stay together just for the child's sake. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

You keep trying. You have a baby. You'll still be 'trying' when you are in your 30s, your 40s... all the way up to the end. That's what 'till death do us part' means. It is a vow, isn't it?
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention: there will be good times, too. And bad times. And times somewhere in-between. But what did you expect? You know how everyone lives with the fact that new cars depreciate as soon as you drive them off the lot? Yes, there's maintenance. Yes, there are breakdowns and yes, you get transportation. Sometimes you remember why you bought the damned car, even!

Answer 9

Some marriages do not work for thousands of reasons, but one of the reasons is that people do not try hard enough to make it work. You will know when you have tried enough, it`s when you will feel with all your heart that you cannot go on.

Answer 10

If you really feel in your heart that you have done enough to try and make your marriage work and it is still on the rocks then, let it go. Maybe the marriage has run it's course... unfortunately, that does happen sometimes. If there is nothing else left then, you just have to accept that and move on. Good Luck.

Answer 11

Well when there is a child involved I would say when you have exhausted every avenue to make a marriage work. Sometimes marriages just aren't going to work no matter how hard you try. So as long as you know you did all you could and you really tried then it still isn't going to work then I would say that's it. Good Luck....