why do i hurt men is it because i dont love myself?

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Member since: August 21, 2006
Total points: 4,602 (Level 4)
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aning
S Do you think my life is over because of this?
i dont want to have a boyfriend, or a husband or get married, i dont want to have kids.
i dont think i could love someone really or make them happy, i just dont feel like anybody deserves me not even a child and for the child to suffer because i would be his or her mother.
i dont even want to meet with my textmate for three years though we have known a lot from each other, i avoid social interaction with men i feel inadequate, i mostly feel like killing myself but i just tell myself tomorrow is another day i serioulsy might get better, im turning 20 and turned down all the chances to have a relationship with men. and i cant even focus on my studies, i seriously feel that nothing is important anymore not even money, career, or my dreams, im losing all, its just empty, i know im depressed but i just cant even tell it to my parents cause its far too weird for them to understand that most days i wish to have cancer just so i could feel pain, and then perhaps i would want to cherish life

Answer 1

Stop fishing for sympathy whilst drowning in an ocean of self-pity. If anything you must not be afraid of other people's judgment's of you, and be be free to act without trying to make sure that nothing is "wrong." Why do other people control your happiness? Why do you "need" men to like you? Why on earth is such a silly thing worth contemplating suicide for? Do you enjoy feeling miserable?...ask yourself that...because I think you do.

Answer 2

20 isn't old, you still have an entire life time ahead of you - in fact it's more uncommon to meet a soul mate or get into a permanent relationship before 20 these days.

Sounds like you should go and get some help - by your own admission you're depressed and there IS help available. I know it may seem like it's the end of the world right now but it's not uncommon to feel this way... a great many people are depressed at some time of their life. Try talking about this to your parents and friends (perhaps your textmate?), I know that it's not easy but you will feel better for doing so in the end.

Good luck, don't give up & I hope things get better for you soon!

Answer 3

If you don't feel like being with men, that's fine. There's no law saying you HAVE to. Give it time. Either you'll grow to like men, and then seek one out, or you won't. Don't force yourself.

However from what you wrote it sounds like you have deeper problems than just men. Are you in college? Most colleges have free counseling that you can use to talk about your problems and maybe get some professional advice. If you're not in college, many towns have free or very low cost counselors available. Look in the phone book.

I hope you won't try suicide, I know it's a cliche but it really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Depression isn't just about feeling sad or empty, it's also about losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. But just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Trust me, things WILL get better.

P.S. My dad died recently of cancer. Believe me when I say that is one disease you do NOT want. (You want an end to your suffering, right?) There are many ways you can learn to cherish life, e.g. volunteering to help the less fortunate. A professional counselor can help you to see the good in life again, and to FEEL good in life too.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Oh dear. You need to get some help.

You have to love yourself. Forget men for the time being. Focus on you first of all because until you love yourself you will be unable to have a relationship.

You can learn to love yourself. You have to realize that you are a valuable person who deserves to be happy & to be loved. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself physically & mentally. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep. That will be a good start. Then you can practice saying daily affirmations, saying positive things to & about yourself. Gradually you can train yourself to be positive & happy. It takes time. Don't get discouraged. Speak to a counsellor or someone you trust about your feelings. You are not alone.

Take care. You don't have to feel this way anymore. Decide to make a change & then follow through. You deserve it.

You are a beautiful child of nature. Where did you get the idea that you are not important. Each of us is important. Cherish your life. It is a gift.

Answer 5

I Used to Make it a Point to Hurt every Boy friend I Had, After they confessed to me how they felt about me. I Learned at an early age, it stemmed from my father deserting me and my mother when I was Small. I never saw him again for years, so I Made my Boyfriends PAY For what My Father Did, In Leaving me.
Perhaps you Have some Deep Hurting Scars that you need to bring to the surface, and do some Forgiving. Or at least bring something into the open>>discuss it with someone You really trust. God loves You, and Has A Plan for You. Turn to Him for Help also. He will give you meaning in your Life, Trust Me.

Answer 6

girl..juz become a better person. realise ur faults, fix them. no it won't b easy n no, it won't happen over night. this will take a damn long time, but start to see the positive side of things. if u feel better bout urself, guys will come to u. cuz seriously, which guy is gonna *** to a depressed girl that wants to die or wateva. only some will if they're GENUINELY willing to help, n if they do, then u should see y they're doing it, n feel better taht there r good ppl in this world. start doing nice things from now on, even if they are little thing n u do them slowly. i hope u get better :D

Answer 7

You have major depression. Please get some help.
You dont have to tell your parents, go for a doctors visit and he can perscribe medication and couseling. This is your one and only life. Live it well. It sounds like you have some huge hurts and disappointments in life. Time to rewrite the self talk you have. If you are this bad you need to tell your parents. or ask your doctor to talk to them. If you kill yourself it is the worse thing you can ever do to them. Start taking long brisk walks. Find something to be passionate about. You don't have to have a bf or a husband or a child. But, you do need yourself. You need help to figure out how to get out of this depression. It is hard to ask for help. But hon, you really need it. Promise me you will get help

Answer 8

what a load of horse crap; there's nothing wrong with you except that your afraid, afraid of commitment, letting yourself get attached to someone else because your afraid of rejection and probably because it has already happened when you were a little younger, a lot of people go through life the same way. They build walls around themselves; and go through life in this narrow corridor, trying not to let anyone in..then one day they wake up a lot oldder and all depressed, because life has passed them by, and there all alone but have no one to blame except themselves..So; why should you go through life this way when you don't have to, your still young start dating sooner or later you'll find prince charming...just remember; you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince...

Answer 9

my dear!you know that you are something out of state but you see since you are young so you will definitely pickup from this trauma.i guess reading books might help you.hating boys is not such a bad thing.hate them now for time being...but all girls are not good and all boys are not bad......this you will see for yourself in the later time.so start hating boys as much as you can.....that makes you happy then afterwards you feel to be friendly with them..........so donna feel depressed just because you dont like them...afterall they are also humanbeings on this earth................you will definitely feel good soon....ALL THE BEST

from your
friend

Answer 10

Believe it or not, some people, men and women, are just not cut out for marriage -there are a lot of single people in this world. In your Q you asked is it because you don't love yourself and later in your Q you said you didn't think anyone deserved you,even a child-meaning you would not make them happy.

You are so young to feel this way -and don't blow this suggestion off but yhou might see your family d r. about depression because you really come off as severely depressed. Many of us at that age go through these feelings of inadequacies, feeling life isn't offeirng much and we have a sense of no direciton that we can see ahead of us. I went thru that and was very suicidal at age 40 and that is when I gave my life to the Lord, not out of despair totally but because the Lord had been after me for years to turn my life over to Him and I didn't want Him runing my life but the moment I let go and asked His forgiveness and to come into my life as my personal saviour, I experienced what the bible calls God's peace that goes beyond human understanding. Oh sure, I still had trials and problems -the devil, who is very real and hates God and those who believe on Him does all he can to make us give up on trusting God and at age 82, I am still doing battle but the book of Ephesians,chapter 6 tells how to fight back, not in our strength but in His.

If I had committed suicide, I wou ld not be spending eternity in heaven with the Lord because my chance would have been gone by my self-murder.

Like me, yhou will look back at this time and be grateful you kept on with life and whether you marry and have children-who knows but the One who created you and His Word says He has a plan for the life of everyone on earth,past,present and future and those who mess up did so because they did not come to Him for redemption from sin and it's eternal penalty. We either belong to satan or to God but we and we alone can make the choice. Do you want to be with the one who eternally hates you or the one who made you and loves you and forgives when you repent and confess you are a sinner (we come into this world with the sin nature going back to Adam and Eve who blew it in the Garden in diswobedience to the one rule God made). Your choice,dear.