Wife traded me in for a coworker after a long marriage. She never gave me a chance only saying that she was wanting a new life. Its been 10 months and when I see her because we have children together I get depressed. She acts like the divorce was no big deal but 17 years to me was a big deal. When I say depressed I mean mind numbing sad and tired depressed. Is this normal after a divorce? She was like my other half. I'm quiet and she was the life of the party.
2007-06-17 18:58:48 · 16 answers · asked by ramon s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Totally normal dude. But not healthy. Get some help to deal with the depression. See your doctor. It's not good for the kids to see you like that.
2007-06-17 19:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone reacts to a breakup, and even more so, a divorce differently. even when a relationship doesn't work out, you want to feel that it at least meant the same thing that it did to both of you. so seeing her seemingly move on so easily hurts. especially with someone who is the mother of your children. someone who balanced you, someone who, as jerry maguire would say, completed you.
so yes, i think 10 months is not that long and it's not that odd that you're still feeling depressed. getting a divorce is kinda like experiencing the death of a loved one, except instead of a person, it's a relationship that died. and for that reason, it's not such a terrible thing to experience sadness. it's part of the grieving process and you have to let it out.
i know it's hard to think about now, but eventually you will move on with your life. maybe not soon. maybe not for a while. but even if it's just for your children's sake, you need to be that great person that im sure you were when you were a father AND a husband.
talk to your friends. spend time engaging in whatever hobbies you have. focus your energy on your children. and when you feel sad because a song or place reminds you of her, just let it wash through you and do what you have to do so you can keep going.
good luck.
2007-06-17 19:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by mrtcrownaffair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal, because it takes longer for some people to get over a divorce. But, you need to go on with your life. The only one holding you back, is your own thinking. Once, you realize, your thoughts, you can snap back and don't let the negative and sad thoughts dwell or bring you down. Think of your kids, I'm sure they would like to have a happy father around too. Find things you like doing, get your mind and body busy, and you will not find the time to be sad. If you feel you are unable to do this on your own, then seek medical help, and you can always join a group of divorced parents. You did spend alot of time in your marriage, and think of the possitive things that resulted from it, like your children.
Good luck and God Bless.
2007-06-17 19:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by Emerald 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. That's perfectly normally especially considering the circumstances of your divorce. It's a double wammee. Not only do you have to deal with the divorce, you also have to deal with her betrayal. You are better off without her. She will do the same to him. She is his PITA (pain in the a**) now. I think it might really help if you spoke to a mental health therapist or a divorce counselor so that you can vent your spleen. As far as the depression goes, of course you're going to be depressed. Who wouldn't be unless they wanted out of the marriage. Just take it one day at a time. Make a list of all the things about her you can't stand. Consider it her loss.
17 years together is a lot of history to blow off with someone.
She sounds like a flaky, fickle, shallow loser.
2007-06-18 07:25:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being the more extroverted one, she chose the sparkle of rhinestones over the luster of gold. Your loss is doubled because she chose it and you still must see her because she is the mother of your kids. I hope she is a good mom!
The mind numbing sap of energy, the deep abyss of black sadness, the tears that seem to want to choke you but you need to hold them back when you see her.... is a loss of the light she provided you. And maybe she acts like it isn't a big deal because she can't deal with the pain you are in. And now, you absolutley must put the pain in a sealed box in your heart and be the dad your kids need. You can't think about what should be, only about what is.
You will heal. It will take time and a belief that what she did was not against you, but for herself. And you have to believe in yourself now. You can do this!
2007-06-18 18:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is an awful thing to lose your other half. You are grieving for a lost marriage. Counseling might help you. There are also support groups for divorcee's. You need to learn how to move on with your new life. Go on line to divorce support groups and find out about it.
2007-06-17 19:05:43 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's "known"? It has in easy terms been 3 days. If it hurts you to sleep interior the mattress you shared including your spouse, then by utilizing all skill sleep someplace else. that is not a question of normalcy. If something you do reasons severe affliction on your existence, jointly with lack of ability to get to artwork, etc, then that is not "known" for you. what's known for you won't be known for the subsequent person. all and sundry is somewhat distinctive. settle on your ameliorations, and be comfortable with the reality you have a top to be distinctive, not comparable to different persons. you're an unique, a distinctive, and there is no person else precisely such as you interior the full international. this is known. this is powerful. as quickly as we predict of we could be "like" different persons, that reasons affliction because of the fact the effortless fact is this is a contravention of your genuine Self. once you deny your actual Self you're injuring your self. that may not healthful and that is not ok so which you will try this to your self. merely settle for you're distinctive. i'm very sorry you're hurting, in discomfort. i'm sorry you're experiencing PTSD. I too have went with the aid of PTSD. this is terrible in spite of the shown fact that it could and does get extra advantageous in case you communicate approximately it lots with somebody you have confidence and experience risk-free with. i think of this separation is a lot too early so which you would be afflicted in case you're reacting "frequently". all and sundry is distinctive and acts in a distinctive way whilst dealing with something painful and stressful. merely supply your self time and a smash. enable your self to artwork with the aid of this on your guy or woman way and on your guy or woman time. stable success and please have a intense high quality day.
2016-10-17 21:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*hugs*
I know what you mean, I was married to for 17yrs as well. But things are reversed my side. I was the life of the party, and he was the quiet one. Let me tell you either side, it hurts just as much.
You need to get out and find a hobbies that you enjoy, and not to be nasty but stop living in her shadow.
Best wishes for you
2007-06-17 19:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by unity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. Yes it is normal you lost a part of you when she left. It takes time and alot of help from friends. It does get better.
2007-06-17 19:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes its normal but if you would go see doctorand tell him about this he'd give you something to help you get over this. its sad and yes youwould be sad but heck i mean shes happy and you will be once again but losing someone that long its hard to dobut you will be ok in time.
2007-06-21 17:16:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋