We are having our third baby in Sept. and lately we have been fightinh like crazy....not sure if it's just the hormones oe what the heck is going on!!! He refuses to help me with anything....I work a full time job then come home and make supper, bath our two children( 4yr & 1yr) and get them to bed. I do all the house work inside and out and he comes home from work and puts his feet up to relax, while i run around like a chicken with my head cut off! He tells me "YOUR PREGNANT....NOT DEAD!!!" so why are u winning. He can't understand why I'm so tired and mad at him. I need some advice Please!!!
2007-06-17 18:18:21 · 10 answers · asked by janinewood 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is withdrawing from this relationship passively, by not communicating with you but refusing to do his share of help. Sometimes when we don't know how to communicate what we feel, we just stop participating, kind of like a child holding it's breath or throwing a tantrum. He's trying to get attention. Fights are rarely about the thing at hand, they are usually about a power struggle. In this case, he's trying to claim some perceived loss of power, place in the relationship by making you do everything. You need to address this as it is very unhealthy for everyone.
2007-06-17 18:25:20 · answer #1 · answered by The Mind Whisperer 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, YOU have the control here, since you do all the work. My advice is to do the bare minimum. Take care of the kids first and foremost. Cook spaghetti for dinner, every night (something quick and easy). If you're too tired, don't vaccuum or clean the house. Let his laundry pile up (do the kids'). Skip the yardwork altogether, or better yet, pay a neighborhood kid to do it (and if he asks, explain, "since you won't, and I can't, I paid him). And maybe hire a cleaning or maid service to help (with the same explanation).
Demonstrate to him through your actions what it takes to makes the house run, and that you can't do it alone.
And when you're done and have the kids in bed, go to bed yourself. Get the rest you need.
And if he doesn't get off his ass to help, then seriously consider leaving. Sounds to me like he can't function on his own, and you got it down pat!
2007-06-18 01:36:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come home, sit down, and tell him that if he wants dinner, he can fix it himself. Take care of the kids, and let the housewrok go. when he starts complaining, tell him that you can either stay home and take care of the kids and the house, or you can go to work, and he can help you around the house. You have the right to refuse sex too. Next time he wants sex with you tell him no, that you are afraid that you will get pregnant and he will treat you badly again.
You did not do a very good job training that man. Girl, you should have laid down the law from the beginning.
2007-06-18 01:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come right out and tell him to get off his dead a** and help you. You are going to have to make him help you. Don't let him run over you. Stop doing anything for him. Don't wash his clothes, don't cook food for him, don't do anything for him. Don't do the yard work. Just take care of yourself and the kids and stop doing anything else for him. You have to make a stand. Don't let him talk to you that way either. You are not powerless, jump right dead in his business and don't accept anything less then him doing his fair share and then some because you are pg and he should be doing even more because of that.
2007-06-18 01:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are over doing it!
Life is too short and precious to stress about it all. Work on not stressing.
With little ones some things needs to just go to heck like our idea of a clean house. Impossible.
Let the dishes go for once, start just letting it go rather than fuming because he won't help. If he doesn't care, why should you.
Take care of yourself. Take a warm bath with bubbles. Paint your toe nails. Do for yourself and bare miminum for everything else. You deserve it.
.
2007-06-18 01:27:07 · answer #5 · answered by Ohmyheaven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I say hire a baby sitter and you two go out for the night maybe do something you both love. Maybe leave the kids with a family memeber and and renew your vows. Or hire a maid that can help out.
2007-06-18 01:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WoW! I feel for you. If things are as you say then I think a reasonable answer is Marriage counseling. He probably wont listen to you or sympathize and it sounds like he is being unreasonable. Don't fight with him about it but tell him however you think is best that you want him to go with you to a counselor. Tell him it is important and it truly is.
2007-06-18 01:26:28 · answer #7 · answered by . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs a wake up call !..tell him your his wife not his f#!%*! maid to start showing respect&considiration and do his 50% or get out .because it takes two to make it work.you deserved to treated like a laidy
2007-06-18 02:51:31 · answer #8 · answered by bodyman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you knew he was like that right? hes not changed you hae. well you can't just start like that and expect it to be great. so you hve done things wrong to begin with oh well can't help you
2007-06-22 00:13:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fake exhaustion and tell him it's his turn tonight.
2007-06-18 01:22:37 · answer #10 · answered by justpatagn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋