Dying within myself
this weakness taking over me
my strength leaving
this sickness overcoming
taking over me
taking the breathe from me
wondering how to overcome it
lungs feeling shallow
no grip, weakness in my legs
I’ve been attacked
emotionally I am frail
laying upon this floor
as I creep towards the door
maybe this is just a dream
but I swore I heard me scream
finding me on the floor
crumbled up like ashes
theirs so many things
I feel I can live for
if only I can get up off this floor
2007-06-17 18:15:59 · 13 answers · asked by Mee~mOe~ 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
this is a great one meemoe
i can feel the pain by your words....
>hugs<
2007-06-17 18:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cool poem... Nice to know another poet that enjoys rhymes like me. Writing one is a nice way of expressing emotions of anger or glee. Poetry can be written in any verse. But when thinking about making a masterpiece, my brain might burst. This looks to be written without a style of any kind. But great words and rhymes work very well when they combine. Thank you for sharing. Goodnight, I must get going.
2007-06-17 18:30:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yet another Brick interior the Wall (factors a million, 2, 3) - purple Floyd and a great hide via Korn one way Or yet another - Blondie yet another One Bites The dirt - Queen thoughts of yet another broken domicile - eco-friendly day (section 5 of the Jesus of Suburbia medley) no longer yet another Teenage Anthem - Wednesday 13
2016-09-28 00:13:18 · answer #3 · answered by monte 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like half of this poem and it starts with, "I've been attacked." Before that line the poem is hard to follow and it really stalls at the fifth line. Try to avoid the cliche' words of, "so, and only."
You're trying to paint a picture yet it is still difficult to see.
2007-06-18 04:39:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, kind of deep, but not too much so. Have you titled it, or considered a title? One little thing, third to last line, replace "theirs" with "there's". Overall very good, keep up the insightful work, waiting for more!
Thanks :-) *starred
2007-06-17 18:46:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its beautiful I love poetry I love writing poetry I think its so much fun and its not even hard! Gourgous poem! Keep up the work!
2007-06-17 18:18:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good one! I'm seeing the in reverse order. Do you write professionally?
2007-06-18 02:26:28 · answer #7 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes,i feel like that many times!it is hard to get up off the floor,when your soul is on it!
2007-06-17 20:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by ....FED UP............ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way too sometimes. Great poem.
2007-06-17 18:18:37 · answer #9 · answered by Chaun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good, I felt that.
Nice job.
2007-06-17 18:49:35 · answer #10 · answered by elliebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋