Permanent Vegetative State?

Question

Is it morally acceptable to cheat on your spouse if he or she is in a permanent vegetative state?

I should point out that this is a theoretical question. My spouse (Whillow95, below) is not in a permanent vegetative state.

Answer 1

Personally, I think it would be morally unacceptable NOT to, but . . . I wouldn't classify it as "cheating."

A relationship it which there was ever an expectation, spoken or unspoken, of never "moving on" or "finding love again" in the event of such a catastrophe was unhealthy to begin with. OTOH, if the very next day after the diagnosis, the other party is at the No-Tell Motel with their dental hygienist or tennis pro, THAT'S an indicator of an unhealthy (and unloving) relationship as well.

One owes it to one's spouse to care for them and not abandon them in such a circumstance. To watch over their care, to be mindful of their comfort, to honor their memory. But we honor those who have loved us best, in such a circumstance, by renewing the capacity to love they instilled us, and putting to good use the relationship skills they taught us, and allowing our lives and our hearts to move on.

As the Havamal says, "No good can come of a corpse." No good can come of letting one's ability to love shrivel and die, either.

Answer 2

Hi Robert,

OOOOOOOOO, what a fantastically loaded question! OK, "morally" by one person's morals is of course different for another person, and there are all kinds of marriage vows. The simple answer is that if your marriage vows either stated or unquestionably implied absolutely no cheating,no matter what, then the answer is yes. Unfortunately for circumstances which might arise when it seems that one should be released form that vow, like many years in the vegetative state with no chance of recovery.

On a less strict interpretation of one's vow, a person in that situation might reasonably ask himself or herself,what would my spouse say or do under the same circumstances. If I were in such a horrible state, I would want my husband to be happy and I would want him to find love and it wouldn't be cheating to me. Whether he would feel the same if the reverse were true, I can't say, and in truth, I wouldn't ask him because he is hellaciously insecure and wouldn't take well to me asking!!!

I think a person would have to look at their own circumstances and their own relationship with the comatose spouse and honestly answer the question, "What would he/she say if I asked him/her?" Then be honest and follow your heart.

Loved your wedding pictures!
Bright blessings,
Lady Morgana )0(

Answer 3

I think this would depend entirely on the person and his/her own morals. No one can say what is morally right for another person. I would like to think that I would not do it if my husband was in that state, but cannot say it with absolute certainty! I know that if I was in that state ( thinking about it in advance so to speak) I would want my husband to find happiness, and not be bound to a "vegetable". There are many people who will say that it is wrong, and maybe it is, but unless you have been in that position yourself you cannot judge another for their actions. Once a person enters into a permanent vegetative state, there is no hope of them coming out of it, and they may still live for another 10 years or more depending on their age, so it is unrealistic to expect the spouse never to fall in love again.A VERY difficult moral question! And I think the person who is living in that situation will just have to search their conscience and make up their own mind. As long as he/she is happy with his/her decision, and feel no guilt, then, for him/her, that is the right decision.

Answer 4

Dear Robert, all rule has it's exceptions. I Think that even the person who is in a vegetative condition should not think that the husband or wife is cheating on him or her. It's to be so cruel.
However, the person who is having sex with another person should have im mind that it must be total secret and should not be a love story. Just sex and that's all.
But if It's impossible to bear,and this person falls in love, the other woman or other mam, must understand that it's a secret and they should not have any kids. Otherwise the one who is in a vegetative condition may really suffer. And sometimes the pain is so unbearable that this person may die or enter in deep depression.
Therefore, i have to say to the ones who is need of some sex in this delicate situation, be very discrete.
To the ones who is facing the challenge of being Physically disabled, don't be selfish. The most important thing is the love. And sex doesn't mean love, but physical need.
The family also need to understand this situation and they should not try to "crucify" the person.
They MUST be mature, and again to understand that we, humans being, should move forward. And love has not all to do with sex.

Answer 5

Morality is an interesting thing. It seems to change with county and religious beliefs.

SO that all depends on you, your beliefs and the vows you took.

Most people answering here I am guess are western, and therefor indoctrinated with Christian beliefs, and Americans in particular come from very puritan stock. We can be really, really uptight about things like this.

There are places where you can sleep around, but don't ever burp. And there are places where the pleasure parts of women are still removed ( in Africa). There are places that if you do not burp after dinner you have been incredibly rude, indicating that the food was horrid, and the host awful. Who knows.

It all depends on who you ask.

Answer 6

As your wife, I'd have to say No.1 you know how I feel about being trapped in a vegetative state. No. 2 I want you to be happy but like one of the answers said not on the day I go into it.
I love you!~W

Answer 7

Yes

Answer 8

I would vote no. The vow is "for better or worse, in sickness and health, 'till death do us part".
It would be understandable, but I don't think it would be moral.

Answer 9

After a couple of years, yes.

Answer 10

I'd wait at least a year before dating...and only if the doctors said there was little to no chance of waking up.