What’s the best advice you’ve been given about dealing with life’s ups and downs?

Question

I’ve certainly had my ups and downs in life, and my life has also been very public. I’ve always managed to hold my head high, and picked myself up, dusted myself off, and found the courage to start again. Love and support from family and friends has carried me through my toughest times, and I’m interested to hear from New Zealanders about what has helped them survive the hard times in their lives.

For more details about me, read the Yahoo!Xtra Answers blog... http://nz.blogs.yahoo.com/answers/35/suzanne-paul-on-answers

Answer 1

I"ve had my ups and downs but one thing i will never forget is what my mother told me "that any day above ground is a good day"

Answer 2

Hi Suzanne,
I think the best advice is to realise that 'every cloud has a silver lining' and to believe that everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes it's very hard to see or understand the reason at the time of bad things happening, but when you look back on things you will often see or understand how much those events have probably changed your life for the better.
I am not a firm believer in God, but believe more in fate & that some things are just meant to happen.
I have had lots of downs over the past 5-6 years after having a great successful career, but the downs have made me see things from a completely different perspective & led to a better understanding of how some people behave, especially in times of stress. It certainly is a time when you find out who your real friends are.
I find it helpful to look for the learning experiences involved and appreciate that although it might not have been pleasant, it has been character-building & put me on a different path that has resulted in beneficial experiences that I would not have discovered if not for the downs.
So, as others have said, with every down there is usually a corresponding up cycle that you can look forward to.
Just hang in there with the knowledge that there will be light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Wishing you all the best of luck in the future, Joanne.

Answer 3

Hi Suzanne. Having been through the three toughest years of my life, I've discovered that I'm the answer!! I've had minimal amounts of love and support, and understandably most people don't know how to provide support in really tough situations-especially when they've had no experience of it personally.I keep a couple of things in mind: 1) If I'm in a tough bind, I'll work out if I can change whats happening-if I can I do, if I can't, I calm down and accept that that's the way it is.A small scale indication of that is being stuck in a traffic jam and being late to a meeting.There's nothing you can do, so turn up your stereo and enjoy watching people around you picking their noses. 2) I remain optimistic at all times and it ALWAYS gets me through a day -I reckon you'd go insane if you weren't.I learned a few years ago that if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got. 3)I don't suffer fools lightly so instead of getting angry and frustrated with them, I deal with situations head on, honestly and minus emotion.Its so much easier when you take away the emotion-don't wreck someone elses day! 4)Find someone to spoil. You won't have to look hard to find a person who needs a hug, a smile, a casserole, a homemade card or a groovy jumper you found in an op shop their exact size and colour. The benefits you get from making a difference in someone else's life are incredible - try it, you'll love it!And somewhere, soon, you'll have it paid forward to you. 5) Laugh loud and often. Find something evey day that amuses you be it a a Far Side Calendar, a child or Borat - laughing is exercise for your soul. 6)Find passion. For Art, for driving, for wine tasting, for crocheting - anything that creates a numb mind space for you to relax but excites you every time you think about doing it - yes that too if that's what does it for you!! I have absolutely no doubt Suzanne that your passion for everything you've done has picked you up and put you back on your feet - some of us are just built like that and the rest of us can learn!!

Answer 4

Be very, very wary of calling your state's CPS office on him. That could cause more trouble than it's worth, unless there is physical or sexual abuse. Find someone to be your advocate for dealing with CPS before you call them, though, because they will remove the child from both of their custody. In the mean time, you need to contact a family attorney to formally set up custody and visitation. Anything like that must be on paper, filed, and made so by a judge. You can sometimes do things like that pro se, but that would mean getting his cooperation, which seems unlikely. Make the first move with this and it'll go better for the both of you. Good luck. Oh, yes, document everything. Phone messages, diaper rash (and if you use a digital camera, the opposing attorney can't say the dates aren't correct. EXIF data is digitally stored and cannot be changed, so the date will be set in stone). I just got through dealing with juvenile court and I am an advocate in training to be a voice for parents involved with CPS. I don't know everything, but I've been there already.

Answer 5

Firstly a big congrats on your DWTS win, well done, outstanding effort. Okay I have a few thoughts on this topic.
(Sorry this is so long)

Firstly (and most importantly), a problem is as bad as the amount of focus you give it. Problems are only opportunities in disguise. That doesn't mean pretending that problems don't exist, but rather focus all your energy on the solution and not the problem. Most highly successful entrepreneurs are unabashed optimists. There is a very good reason for that.

We all have things to be truly grateful for. Whether it's our kids, our home, our pets, getting stuck into the garden, that great book we found and can't put down, the concert we're going to, that CD we found and can't stop playing, that new friend we've made or long lost friend we've gotten back in touch with, Going for a walk or run etc. Find out what makes you feel good and do it.

Demonstrate an act of kindness every day. I know it may sound corny, but it is so important. It could be as simple as helping someone you can see is struggling to carry their groceries, offering to babysit for friends who you know could really do with a night out to themselves, helping someone get that job or work experience or giving a lift to the neighbours whose car has just broken down. It's so easy and the opportunities are everywhere. Your self-esteem will pay dividends.

Take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. There's no great conspiracy against you. Everything happens for a reason. Avoid the victim mentality. You can't control others, but you can control yourself. If something untoward occurs, take an honest look at yourself and think "What can I learn from this?". Taking responsibility for your own life is very empowering.

I believe it's very important to get into positive patterns of thinking. It doesn't mean you're walking around looking lobotomised with a dumb grin on your face all the time, but rather becoming more aware of your emotions and being able to think hang-on, this doesn't feel good, time to change focus.

Finally, always act with integrity, even in the face of adversity. Deliver on your commitments. Never stoop to gossip, rudeness or arrogance. Always carry your head up high and make sure the person looking back at you in the mirror is one you like.

Answer 6

Life has dealt many ups and downs to me also - I think it does to everyone. In many ways I deal with life in the same way as Suzanne has - pick up - dust off and head out there........ even if there seems like a bleak cold fog as I leave the front door. Honesty and decency give strength.

Looking for a silver lining in every cloud is a 'pick me up' as there always is something to be gained from adversity. People - those we would not normally think of - can give us so much. Treating everyone as an equal - none of us are better than anyone else - ( excluding those who cheat and lie) Knowing money is not the only wealth in life.

I look at my inner intentions and question my own integrity and motivation - internal honesty is the only real honesty. If I do not meet an inner level of honesty, I scold myself.

Being caring, kind, having a constant sense of humour - enjoying music and keeping from attending 'self pity parties' is a key to enjoying the 'now'. Happiness is a voyage not a destination :-)

I wrote a motivational book based on my own experiences - writing in its self is a very rewarding and positive way forward.

Its not the experiences e get in life that counts, its how we deal with them. None of us are exempt from feeling low - having a day with the pillow over our heads - but that time is a good time to work out the way out from under the pillow.

Other peoples opinions of us are not our business.

At 50 years of age I have learnt 1 very special thing and that is to be thankful that I have the time to give something back day but also enjoy the rewards of what life delivers.

Finally I get very motivated by people who inspire others - I think many NZers have enjoyed some very natural and wonderful inspiration from Suzanne Paul since she began showing us all a personal side of her nature! Thanks for the opportunity to write this .

Answer 7

You are an inspiration to everyone Suzanne. When I have had terrible things happen in my life, which I have, I have done the same as you. Picked myself up and carry on. As hard as it is, it can be achieved. Family and Friends are who help you get through, with their love and support, but I also think it comes from within. I personally speak to the universe. I ask the universe for guidance to get me through the toughest of days and when I get through each day, I remember to thank the universe for giving the courage and strength. The way it works is like this. You ask the universe for what ever you need, sometimes it may take a while, and things may come into your life to help you achieve that thing you need, but eventually you get there. You are best to start with little things like perhaps finding a carpark. Give it a try, it truelly works. Every day I speak to the universe and it certainly works for me. I mean to say I never ask to win lotto or huge things like that, I just ask for small things such as to get me from A to B safely etc... You also have to say this little phrase to yourself whenever you think about it. 'I make a stonger commitment to myself'. Give that a try also. And if people annoy you, or are horrible to you in any way, you say (not to their face, but when you turn your back on them), "peace be to you brother or sister". You will be amazed at the results. I got this information from a book I read. The book is called 'The cosmic ordering service' written by Barbel Mohr. A great book which should be on everyones bookshelf.

Answer 8

(Not something that Suzanne Paul needs to know as I'm sure she practices this already...)

I've struggled all my life with a negative stressy attitude my family seems determined to pass on through the generations, bless 'em!

Two things I've found vital to change this:
a) understanding that how you react to things is always a CHOICE on your part
b) reading somewhere that at the end of the day, whether it's been mostly good or mostly hard, focus on what was GOOD about your day, even (or especially) the little things.

Push the negative thoughts out of your mind with positive ones, and eventually you'll find the positive takes over - it's a great habit to get your brain into!

Answer 9

I went through a messy marriage breakup (quite a while ago). My husband had been selliing off my shares without my knowledge. (He also had a girlfriend or two stashed away). I was at my lowest ebb, having just lost my dad. I still don't know where it came from but out of nowhere my sense of humour returned with a vengeance, along with my fighting spirit.
I moved out with our three children to a cheap shabby flat and somehow had the best time in my life. I found me and my kids. Also the undying support of family.
I have recently comeback again after having an aneurysm leak on the brain. Without my sense of humour and kids, I would have had half a life. Like you Suzanne I am a fighter. It's not easy but like you I have ben blessed with a wicked sense of humour. I am sure this is what has made the difference between acceptance or desperation

Answer 10

When my dear mother passed away in 1998, due to my fathers night work, I 'inherited' my then 11 year old sister to raise. Having not had my own children it was certainly an eye opener and a complete change in lifestyle and prioritising. Things which I had previously stressed over and thought important were put on the back burner and in time they diminished as really not being important or worth the worry.
This change in my life really made me look at events/stress in a different light.
Most things that are thrown at me now are catagorised as 'that's life' things are sent to try us, we deal with it in the most unstressful way we can then 'move on'.
Not everything turns out the way we want, my mother had a saying 'when in doubt, DON'T' It's a good moto for me to live by and I've used it many times.
Life isn't easy and it's certainly unpredicable. But sometimes out of a bad situation good comes your way. In my life, if my mother hadn't of passed away, I wouldn't have changed employment (due to my new child care requirements), where I met my now husband.
Suzanne, your an inspiration to us all. We have shared in the limited media highlights of your ups, whilst your downs have been thrown in our faces heavily by the same people. You always manage to put on a brave face and even have the integrety to pledge a oath to pay back all your creditors.
All the best for your future and I hope your rib has healed!!

Answer 11

Life is like a Bell Curve. See the share market it fluctuates all the time. Your emotions up and down. Your health like a roller coaster goes in circles. Your business increases and decreases. Nothing is steady. Everything is moving. In life you need to accept challenges. Changes are imminent. If there is sadness, joy will follow, if winter comes can spring be far behind. The law of polarity applies to every human being who walks on this earh. If there is a cliff, there is a valley, if there is a left there is a right. Every thing has a polar opposite. If you are are loosing very soon you are going to win. If you are crying very soon you are going to laugh. In Sales the more "nos" you here, it gives me joy because the "Yes" is going to follow. Life in a race. Everyone should participate and give the very best. There is no chance for pessimist in this world. The world is full of opportunity. The world is your Oyster. Limitation and Lack are for loosers. Abundance and Health is your birth right.