Why is it that we men are so drawn to porn? Women please help!?

Question

I have always had a collection of porn, whether it be magazines, videos, and/or dvds. I enjoy watching it but my spouse hates it beyond belief. Why do men and women normally feel so differently about such things. I don't believe I have any sort of addiction but tv and other sources are making it out to be that anyone that has any of this medium be under extreme scrutiny.

Answer 1

Men are programmed to be visual creatures. It's the way nature made you, so that you would be attracted to females and keep the human race going. Women have been conditioned by our society to think of this as being looked at as "sex objects" and don't have the understanding of what's really going on. Not all of us think this way, though.

Answer 2

Finally a question from a man on the morality of porn. I love that this finally happened. Thank-you for being the male to finally ask! You have no idea how refreshing it is!

I would love to analyze porn to completion here, but there's not enough room to write a 50,000 word essay. So a few basics as fast as I can: Porn should be a rare thing. I don't think it's natural to watch other people have sex. That said, I think on a rare occasion it can be arousing, should the video be respectful of women.
But the porn out there usually is demeaning to women. The women are submissive and unnatural in their desires, and the male culture has cultivated you to believe in treating women as objects since you were a 12 year old looking at your first porn mag. Think about how you would feel if men were valued for their sex appeal solely, therefore becoming toys to women. You wouldn't like it, especially since the world has a history of sexist controlling inequality.
The women in these videos generally are the under-educated and those that have learned to play the attention game. A woman with self-respect will find it disgusting and classless because she has far more valuable things to offer than just her looks, and she knows it, hence she looks down on such women as cheap.
Your wife has integrity and dignity. She doesn't want shallow sex in her home. You should respect that and throw it all out. You should keep your eyes on the prize, else you lose the prize...your wife. To women, fidelity can be the most important part of a marriage, the cornerstone, and that they have nothing if they don't have that. I'm not kidding here---NOTHING, if they don't have that, then they think the rest is a scam.
There are a couple more important elements. How secure your wife feels in your relationship, how honest and open you are, and lastly, if she feels that you are a womanizer who stares at women and tries to hide it, (they're always unsuccessful, women know that glazed over look) and if she feels that you have a player side to you. If she does, then she will certainly never be comfortable with porn in her home.
There's nothing wrong with saying, wow, Angelina Jolie sure is hot! That isn't generally threatening.
But there's a lot wrong with telling your wife that you only have eyes for her and then proceeding to sneak "using" porn and then lie or deny it.
You may email me if you like, or pose another question, I'd love to continue this discussion.

Answer 3

To some degree, men are visual and enjoy looking. that's normal enough. If you are using porn rather than being intimate with your wife, that IS a problem.

Now, women, me being one of them, hate feeling that their man 'needs' other women. They feel that their man compares them to idealized, siliconed and airbrushed bimbettes.

Also, many porn stars come from abused backgrounds, and many women dislike the idea that these women are essentially being taken advantage of over and over. They are objectified, and become mindless receptiles for the lust of men. Really, it is kinda creepy to think that this woman on-screen is willing to do porn only because step-dad, or uncle was slipping into her bed when she was a child and now all her boundaries are trashed.

If you have a 'collection' I might question if you like it, or NEED it. But only you know.

Anyway, that is part of why some women hate it.

Answer 4

FIRST: Emotionally, it's how we're wired. Men are external beings, we focus on what we can see. Women internalize and therefore don't obsess with body so much. They obsess with THEIR bodies because it's what men like.

SECOND: Socially, men subconsciously crave a woman to make them look good. Long ago it was considered honorable to have a beautiful woman at your side and that traditian carries today to some extent. A man with a beautiful woman is generally envied.

THIRD: Physcially, there's the science of it all. You can look at the simple fact that men have external sex organs, women have internal ones. Their physical bodies mirror their internal workings. Men crave what they see on the outside, women crave closeness on the inside.

FOURTH: Mentally, opposites attract. It's just how we're built, dude.

FIFTH: You don't need porn to survive. If it offends your wife (I assume it's your wife), you should drop it. The whole point of marriage is save yourself for that one person, and as a man, that means reserving your eyes for only your spouse. How can she feel loved and respected if you don't cherish and honor her and ONLY her?

Sigh. And people wonder why the family system in this demented world is so messed up.

Answer 5

I have to say that it isn't only men who enjoy porn, I've always had a "fondness" for it. It really doesn't have anything to do with the actual people in the porn, it's the act of sex itself. It's like the start of a relationship (the good part anyway) over and over. Without having to physically go through it yourself. It's a way to experience fantasies without having to go out and find "scary" people who would be willing to play. My spouse doesn't really get into watching porn, so it's not only women who are against it.
It's a hell of alot better than living the dream.
Just respect your wife by not having it on when your attention should be on her. Watch it by yourself and then she'll benefit by the results.

Answer 6

It's a form of cheating on your wife

You wouldn't want your daughter being in one

how do you know you're not an addict

if your spouse hates it beyond belief that should be reason enough for you to stop - if you can't or won't stop isn't that a sign of being an addict?

just have a burning of the porn ceremony with your wife and find a new hobby

enough said...

Answer 7

In my opinion when a man looks at porn and the g/f or wife finds out or knows its hurtful to the women, we start to think ok when he is making love to me is he thinking about me or the girl on porn and just that thought then makes you wonder beyond the porn... why look at that garbage when you have a beautiful, sexy, looking girlfriend or wife right there.... i will never understand a man looking at porn no reason for it...

Answer 8

Porn is a designer drug, aimed right at the visual centres of a man's brain.

Porn is colourful, emotional, simple. It attracts the very primitive emotions that exist in a male and it's DESIGNED to do just that.

It has nothing to do with your partner - to say otherwise is like comparing a tobacco smoker who tries and gets hooked on pot. The pot is designed to be addictive.

And so is porn. Porn is literally a designer drug and I don't think there are many males who can resist it.

Answer 9

It's funny to see some of these answers. My wife and i both enjoy watching porn, neither of us have a problem with it. It's external stimulii, and nothing more than a bit of fun.
Some people also have fantacy's, that their partners might not feel comfortable acting out... so why is ok to deprive someone of that? it's not...
Would all you people rather your husbands watch porn, or go out and get the real thing somewhere else?

Answer 10

Men are way more visual. They always have a collection somewhere, some guys are just more extensive than others. We all have computers - and to the women who think "not my guy" - think again.

My theory is if women could rub one out in less than a minute, they would have more porn, too.

I think a lot of women are insecure about their bodies and think they will not be good enough without a big pair of fake boobies. So make sure you let your wife know that she is beautiful to you, and leave out any negative comments.

Answer 11

I have no idea, I think men that look at this stuff after they already have a spouse have a problem with there self. Insecure and do not even realize it. If a man looks at this, he is cheating on his wife. Where is the respect to love and look at only her body and not other women bodies.