guys, I need honesty. For ones who have cheated in committed relationship (>1 year) or marriage,?

Question

and your gf or wife found out. Who has stayed faithful after cheating once and been caught? and who hasn't? Please elaborate. I just found out my fiance of more than 3 years cheated on me. He insists it was one time a while back when he was confused about us. Should I give him the time of day, or is it true that "once a cheater, always a cheater?"

Answer 1

Just because he cheated once does not necessarily mean he will do it again. Depends on the person. My husband and I were married 9 years. He cheated on me. We were having lots of problems at the time. After a year apart, I forgave him (no, you never forget) and we have been fine since then. That was almost 10 years ago. Follow your heart. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Answer 2

It is up to you, you can try and work on thing and hope that it all works out or you leave now and leave him be. There are a few things you have to remember that if you stay you will need to work on forgiving him about cheating or it will not work at all. It will keep eating you up and you will bring it up when you get into arguments. As for the saying once a cheater always a cheater I do not believe that it is a true statement for all. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

This is a hard one, as all guys are different.
Yes i have cheated on girlfriends in the past, one was after 3 years in the relationship, another was about a year into it.

I am now married and wouldn't dream of cheating on my wife. makes me i'll to think about it.

I'm not sure of the reasons for cheating on previous partners, i can really only think that it was sexual desire, there was no mental connection or attraction with the girls i cheated with, purely sexual.

Having said this, i think the "once a cheater always a cheater" is mostly true to in the current relationship, there was obviously a reason he cheated on you, and why would that reason not still be there? He could be entirely different with his next partner though - as in my case.

I wouldn't give him the time of day, as he obviously doesnt to you. I'm sure theres many guys out there who would respect you more than this guy, i know its easier said than done... but do you really want to wonder the rest of your relationship with him?

Get out before it gets too hard to leave.

Answer 4

Star,

I would look for case history. Has your beau been around with the ladies a lot lately? If so, with whom? Often more than not the environment he allows himself into will define the status of if he is going to continue this.

A question you might pose would be to the women he works with. I am sure that you can do that without him knowing. In fact if they answer that he hasn't been hitting on them and talks about you all day long incessantly to them you can be assured of his committment to you.

If he is actually committed to you then both you and he actually scored some points. First off, he would be highly ashamed of his actions and also highly embarrased by the moment. By being confused and making a mistake he is also letting down his armor to show a weakness to you so that he can put on his armor in a fashion that is more capable to protecting his mental mindset.

Its not always true "Once a cheater,..." That depicts a line of thought of Habitual cheaters. Those who have gone out and done it over and over and ... There is little room for recovery there unless there was a heart-turning soul-rending experience that led them back to fidelity. However, there are exceptions to both rules.

A quick poll of the people around him could give you more insight into the matter. Remember, if he's sincere you need to be extremely tactfull with his information as it might not be public knowledge just yet. (for the guys out there, follow same suit.)

--ShadowGate

Answer 5

We had infidelity in our relationship at the very beginning (over 10 years ago), worked it out, went through two years of hell rebuilding trust, and are now secure in our relationship.

But we both know that if one of us cheats now, it's over. This IS our "second chance".

If you think the relationship is worth saving, work on it and give him a second chance. If he is unfaithful again, kick him to the curb and don't look back. Once can be a mistake. Twice isn't.

Answer 6

I have been on all sides of the cheating triangle. In my experience a cheater can change but not usually in that relationship. There are exceptions, but they are so far and few that it is negligible to mention.

Answer 7

Can you go out & cheat on him? And if you say, NO... why not? - and if you say because I would never do that to someone I love... then respect yourself & love yourself the same way that you love him! Confused? - If you allow this, then he will more than likely do it again. Give yourself some time to breath & to think. Don't make a rash decision!

Answer 8

well i --- to my knowledge --- was never found out and it was only when i wanted to stop cheating that i did --- until then i was terrible ---- for reasons other than cheating my marriage of 30 years fell apart and i found another lady --- i learned from my mistakes and would never cheat on her in mind or fact --- best wishes

Answer 9

i think what you have to ask yourself is,why is he your fiance of 3 yrs????and not your husband yet??!! don't marry him ,you deserve better and you can find it!!!good luck!!