Strange sexual desire...Is it normal?

Question

I get really turned on when my husband is rough with me. I love it when he gives me orders (open your mouth, get on your knee, ect.) When he pulls my hair the harder the better. Holds me down, or even calls me a s*** while we are having sex. I lose my mind...To be honest this is almost the only way I enjoy it at all. He has told me that he feels uncomfortable doing it, and he only does it because he knows I like it. Well, that kinda took the fun out of it for me, but my question is why would anyone like being treated badly. And Why would I have fantasies about other guys doing things to me. I feel like a freak. What is wrong with me?

Oh I forgot to add that I think about sex almost constantly...they say hitting 30 will do that, but it don't seem normal.

Answer 1

Does you husband like that you do that? If he does then you are ok. Everyone has something that turns them on and may seem weird to others, but to each his own. If he isnt turned on by it, well, then you have a problem. Get over your guilt and enjoy! Have you ever heard of a "taken in hand" relationship? Check out the website. I think it goes by the same name.

Answer 2

It's all normal. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes when it comes to sexual desires. The fact that your husband doesn't enjoy the rough stuff may get to be an issue though. Are you able to enjoy it soft and sensual at times just to give him a little break from that? Hormones tend to peak in your 30s so yeah, you do want it more. One thing I wonder about is were you ever sexually abused as a child? That's not to say that could be the only reason for your preferences but it keeps coming to mind so I have to say it. If you are bothered by it or if it gets to be a problem between you and your husband, you may want to consider talking to a sex therapist to see if there is anything you can do to make it more enjoyable for you both.

Answer 3

I dont think you're a freak, i dont think theres anything wrong with you. Things were probably just getting a bit stale in your sex life and as you say, you want different things and have to have them to get the enjoyment now. I'm exactly the same, i like things rough, i love the whole hair pulling, physical roughness thing.. a big big turn on, however your husband obviously has different ideas. I dont know, he might feel like he's disrespecting you, even though you want it.
I think you deserve a "good on you" as you're strong enough to know what you want and ask your husband for it. Alot of women wouldnt do that... i wish mine would!!
Especially when you consider that's probably 90% of the reason people cheat, they're not getting the sex they want or need... much better you're open with him and know what you want than go looking somewhere else for it.

Stay Kinky ;-)

Answer 4

Oh, my God it looked as though I wrote this question!!!

This is the EXACT situation that I've been in!
We've been very close (emotionally, physically, sexually,...) over the last few months. (been together off and on since we were 15...then 25 got married, had kids, went thru a few rough years, and now we are together stronger ---and hornier---than ever!)
I have to say that I am not bothered at all by my submissive tendencies during sex with him. I did question it abit like psychologically....hmmmm why do I want this? But, then I realized (and so does he, that's huge by the way, that you are both on the same page with your desires, fantasies, ...) that I have always been a very, strong, dominant, independent woman. Here I am (in my 30s too---so maybe it's hormones as well, idk!) willing and WANTING to be alittle controlled. It's like getting to be out-of-control and still in-control at the same time. I trust him, so I know that he isn't going to actually HURT me or do anything that he knows I do NOT really want to do. In the end, I have fun hearing him be tough, strong, and powerful and he gets to have plenty of fun doing it!

We like to say, by day I am the tough one, by night, when the pants come off, HE'S IN CHARGE! As long as everyone agrees with the 'rules', it's fun!!!

Oh, and as far as the other guy thing. Um, yeah, I understand. Not that you don't love and thoroughly enjoy your husband, right? But, maybe you've been doing alittle dp (double penetration) with him and his fingers or him and a toy or whatever and so you are starting to think of the other 'options' for fulfilling this dp thing. Well, of course, it would be to be filled with 2 of the 'real thing', right? Understandable. As far as the realities though, that's tougher. To me, especially because you are married. There are just so many psychological issues that can come up. Marriages have been ruined for less, you know? So, that's a tough one.

But, at least, now you know....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
Good luck, take care, AND have FUN!!!

Answer 5

Well if it's not normal I'm in a lot of trouble, LOL. Personally I love the trash talk- not so much the orders or name calling but the verbal communication adds to my excitement. First because I know he is totally focused and enjoying me as much as I am enjoying him and second because sex isn't just physical it's mental to. Think of it as mental foreplay.

Answer 6

I think we all have our comfort zone when it comes to intimacy and yours is a lot more open and wild than most. Your husband may feel like he is demeaning you by being overly aggressive. Or he is afraid that he too might get a little more wild than he feels comfortable with. See if you can get him to be aggressive with you but in his own comfort zone. Maybe meeting in the middle will get both of you in the mood to try new things together.

Answer 7

Since it seems like you're unsure, see a psychiatrist find out if its normal for you not anyone else. Sometimes it could be something inside of you that you may be suppressing or it can be something that happend in your childhood. but no not normal meaning many people do not do it. so get some advice from a pro and see if it's something that you are suppressing or if its just for fun.

Answer 8

well ive heard theories that women are taught to be " good girls " and " good girls " dont enjoy bad sex. so having a guy order you around liek that takes the guilt out of it for you so u can enjoy it. this way your not doing anything wrong and hes " forcing " U into it so hes the bad guy.. thas a psychology explanation ive heard for it , but who really knows. point is whatever flaots your boat girlfirend,

Answer 9

I have been in those relationships and they are so passionate. Good for you to get a husband like that. Mine would never do that. He feels that it is disrespectful to me. I long for that. I am in my 30's. I would love for him to come up to me and rip off my clothes and ravage me and tell me what to do. He just doesn't get it. I have told him that. He has never done it furthermore, I don't think he has it in him to do it.
Sometimes do it like your husband wants to keep thins going for him also.

Answer 10

anything goes in sex in marriage as long as its JUST between you and your husband.ask him if he has any kinky stuff he would like to try.than do it for him weather you like it or not.your hubby should keep doing this because it gets YOU off.this is selfess love in sex.maybe compromise and keep your fantasies to the weekends.the other guy stuff you need to be careful with and don't acted on them. but the rough stuff, talking dirty,i wish my wife was more like you in this area.theres an old saying it goes like this;every mans dream is for his wife to be a lady in public and a whore in bed.