evil stepmother....grounded for the summer!?

Question

i hate my stepmom. shes always so mean to me and tries to be my mom. she always says mean things about my mom and that totally makes me mad. i didnt know it but yesterday while i was visiting my mom and stepdad, she decided to go through my room. well, my backpack from school was still laying on the floor beside my desk and she went thru it and found a notebook that my BFF and i wrote nasty things about our stepmoms in and she read it. when I got home she freaked on me so i went to my friends house. when my dad came home she showed him the notebook and he called my cell and told me to get my "little butt home now." so my dad yelled at me and he grounded me for the summer. no friends over, i can only go to my moms, only 1 hour phone time a week. i get to keep my comp and ipod(thank goodness). im supposed to go on vacation with a friend in august but thats not gonna happen now. she keeps sayin its my fault, but she went thru MY room so...is there any way to maybe shorten my grounding?

Trevor R, im 14.

crc00000, i live with my dad and stepmom. i visit my mom and stepdad on the weekends and holidays.

Answer 1

First of all she shouldn't have been going through your things? Even if she thought you were doing drugs or something stupid like that she should have waited until you and your father were both there to do or say anything. You should be allowed to have privacy to write what you want and to express your feelings. They will probably shorten the punishment when they've calmed down even though they might not come right out and tell you because that would be admitting they made a mistake and one thing we parents hate to do is admit we've made mistakes
Give them a couple of days to calm down and then suggest to them that maybe you could all benefit from family counseling. A good counselor will tell them that you should be allowed to have your private thoughts kept private and will help you to find a way to make "that woman" understand that you have a mom that you love and she can't take her place. Good luck hon and think about buying some kind of box that will lock. When I was a teen I bought a metal cash box to keep my private things in. I found really unique places to keep the keys too. I never kept them with me but always in my room so it would be available when ever I needed it. I can pretty much tell you that they, especially "that woman", will not like you having a locked place to stash your things. Try the counseling thing though. They are more likely to listen to another adult who is impartial. Good luck sweetie and remember that it won't last forever.

Answer 2

This is really a difficult situation.I would ask your dad and stepmom to sit down with you and try to talk calmly about this.I assume a few days have passed so the emotions of the day should not be as raw. I don't know how long your parents have been divorced but it is always difficult for everyone.Both adults and children are forced to face new roles and challenges.Did you really give your stepmom a chance?Your stepmom is probably smart enough to know she cannot replace your mom but I would hope she'd at least like to be on friendly terms with you.I don't think that either household should say anything negative about the other household because it puts the children in the middle .Tell your dad and step mom that you are sorry for writing down bad things about your step mom but say that is how you feel.I would then discuss how you felt having your privacy invaded.Next ask your dad and stepmom if you can all have a fresh start and hopefully build bridges not barriers. Time can heal this situation but it will take the co-operation of you all.A family gets stronger when the members work together .Hopefully your dad and stepmom will be willing to give you a second chance and an opportunity to earn back your trip.Good luck.

Answer 3

I would go to your stepmom and say, "You have violated my first amandment as well as my six amandment." If you do not know what those are they are the right to free speech and the six amendment is that she has no right to search or seize any of your stuff. If I were you I would approach her nicley even though she is evil. Let her know that you were just venting feelings. Also ask your father if he would rather you do some other form of venting other then the notebook. Go to your stepmom and your dad and ask, "is there a way to vent my feelings that you would not read and is okay with you guys." The fact of the matter is that if you do not get your feelings out now then you may explode later on and I do not think that is what your father wants.

Answer 4

brings me back to my evil stepmom days
she had me brainwashed into believing my mom abandoned me.. when she really didnt
she caused me a lot of emotional problems
im finally back on track now that my dad divorced her

as for yours... she had no right going into your room and searching and has no right yelling at you..
but also.. if you are writing things like that.. next time leave them in a spot where she cannot find them
or do it in an online journal and make sure you delete your private data and cookies every day! do it under teen open diary or live journal and use a special email that only you know that way she cant track it..
but to ease the punishment. bite your tongue and apologize. say you were wrong to write it..
they will let up im sure..

Answer 5

I don't know why you live with your dad and step mom, but depending on the reasons behind the courts giving your dad custody, do you feel that you want to live with your mom now (if she is fit to do so)? Especially as you need a female role model now and if she is in stable condition to do so, see about that.

As far as the notebook issue,, both of them invaded your privacy and your right of freedom speech. That is how you feel and they can not change that. I honestly am pro-conversation about them not respecting your right to freedom of speech and emotion.

They are the parents and they can ground you, but you need to speak up for yourself.

The step mom might not be trying to play "mom" but she might just be trying to establish a relationship and maybe you are rebelling against it? (causing conflicts). There is many reasons why she acts this way as there is you act this way.

You need to request that she not talk bad about your mom, especially infront of you. Any child therapist, psycoloigicalist, behavioralist etc would recommend that. let them know it makes you angry and they have no right. It is only fair if they talk bad about your mom, you have the right to talk bad about your step mom. Make sense to me, right?

Need to have a talk with your dad alone and your mom alone as they both are the main parents.

Answer 6

As much as it may hurt, tell your stepmother you are sorry. Tell her how you overreacted from the heat-of-the-moment and calmly explain the reasons for it and how it angered you how she was slowly replacing your real mother. The more deep and personal it gets, the more she and your father will realize how much you are hurt by her. Make sure you apologize for rudeness, etc. and try being as kind as possible or doing small deeds or chores around the house. This will not only show them that you are sorry and sad about your stepmother, but it will loosen them up when they see you doing good. Hope it works, and good luck. ;-)

Answer 7

Tell your dad that she violated your privacy and she had no right to search through your backpack, anyways it would help if we could know how old you are, tell him why you don't like her, and you have a right to say nasty things about your step mom as long as you don't say it directly at her or she doesn't find out. Tell your mom about it maybe she can tell your dad.. To stop.

Answer 8

tell ur mom all the evil things she does and says about her. Say u were just getting her back for all the bad things she said about ur mom. AND shes the STEP-mom so she has no right to go through ur stuff cuz shes not even releated to u

Answer 9

wow, she's evil. you should apologize to her and say that you're really sorry that you acted so terrible, you just didn't want a replacement mom. next time, keep your notebooks somewhere else. you also need to explain to her that your space is your space. if you act like the angel you aren't, she'll probably forgive you. hope i could help!

Answer 10

Wow, grounded for the whole summer! I guess I'm lucky. My parents just put me over their knee and spank me. I'd much rather get a spanking then be grounded for that long.