I cheated on my wife of 28 years. I am in deep depression. Will it ever lift?

Answer 1

have you told your wife yet? Telling her will lift some of the burden. Things may go awry for a time in the trust department, but a strong marriage can work thru it. humans are what we are...human. no one is a perfect being and it really sounds like you feel honest remorse. get the monkey off your back if you haven't already. if you feel she won't understand, talk to a good friend or a pastor. stop beating yourself up and start anew,okay?

Answer 2

Were you depressed before or after the affair. Is it because of what you did or did you think an affair would make you feel better. Ain't nothing you can do about yesterday. Did you apologize and recognize. 28 years is a long time. Have you forgiven yourself. Has she forgiven you. Does she even know about it. IF you love your wife and want to regain her trust you need to come clean inside and out. Whatever the reason for the depression , running to another woman sure didn't make things better. Be honest with yourself and your wife. It's up to you when the depression will lift based on your decision to do the right thing. Ain't no shame in that game.
Get yourself together man. Stand strong. Be an example to the ones coming behind you that may want to get married some day. Sure we make mistakes along the way but the life you choose to live is the pattern that other's will go by

Peace and Love

Answer 3

You're right to feel depressed. You've disappointed yourself, her, and the people around you. You wonder how you could have gone that direction after all this time. Your guilt is real, and it's tangible, eating right into your self-worth, and you even know the physical effects.

Guilt faced can be freed, but over time. A spiritual faith involving mercy and forgiveness can be a definite help. You realize no one's innocent and the worst of sins can be forgiven.

It's going to take time though buddy. I would guess that you've told your wife, or you'd be more anxious about hiding it than getting through your depression. So answer any questions she has openly. Talk to an accepting friend outside your marriage, maybe even a counselor. Sometimes meds are needed in the most extreme cases.

Say "I'm sorry" to her for the small parts and the deception that led to this. Come to terms with the vulnerability that put you there. Place new boundaries to ensure it won't happen. Improve what may have been lacking in the relationship.

When you find improvement in yourself as a person and in the marriage itself, you will find it easier to move on, because your guilt will have accomplished something truly redemptive. Let yourself feel it, grieve it, and in time, with the right repair, it will disappear, and along with it your depression.

Answer 4

I hope my soon to be ex is in a depression, he destroyed a 30 year marriage for an former alcoholic, druggie that had slept with most of the men where they worked. I guess he thought he could change her, the only thing that really makes me smile these days is that he found out different, she kicked him out after he was not a challenge to her anymore, she seemed to get her pleasure out of breaking up homes, not the men. I still have days and it has been 2 years that I wake up thinking it is a dream and it will be over. Really hurts to realize that someone you trusted that completely for that many years could do that to you. The one thing that I know is that my ex will never admit that he did anything wrong or that he is sorry, he is a very stubborn man and I'm sorry is not in his vocabulary. Maybe you will be lucky and your wife will forgive you, your depression will never lift until you come clean. Guilt can eat us alive, my ex will live with that like I said he will never say I'm sorry, don't be like that, it May hurt but it is the only way to try and get over the depression.

Answer 5

Not until you come clean and restore your integrity. She won't be happy, but a woman in a marriage for 28 years is usually secure enough in knowing that you love her that she will see it for what it was, and that there's no way any woman out there could compete with 28 years of watching a person grow, live, and create all those memories.
If she's hysterically angry, see a counselor together.
And now that you've realized the error you made, have you worked through in your own mind what was the foolish reason for doing so? Because you have to think that through in entirety, competely honest to yourself to understand and grow from the mistake. It sounds like you're a really good guy usually...and with that depression you have a good conscience, so I'm not worried about you for the long run, you'll be fine.

Answer 6

I just don't know where your mind was. Now you have to decide whether to tell your wife or not. I hope that you have left the other woman, if not, do so. Or you won't stand a chance of your marriage being strong again.

The depression will lift if you make some right choices and follow through. Good luck.

Answer 7

It will always be a monkey on your back. Time will help some, but it will stay in the back of your mind and you'll always feel bad about it. The truth would set you free from that if you think you can take the risk of her leaving you. I think your chances of keeping your wife would be better if you told her yourself rather than risking her finding out from someone else. That would really be bad and then you'd wish you would have told her yourself but it would be too late.

Answer 8

Boy, that's a tough one, but I would think long and hard about it before telling her what happened. Most people can't get over things like that. You'll most likely break your wife's heart if you tell her. It would probably be more kind of you not to. I know many people would think this is horrible advice, but I've read a lot of articles over the years that actually say the same thing. What's done is done. If you know you won't ever do it again, you should probably try to forgive yourself and get through it on your own, as hard as it may be.

If you do decide to tell her, I wish you luck. But like I said, I probably wouldn't.

Answer 9

You need to tell her that will be the first step to you coping. Secondly you two need to get counseling together, and that should help you guys. Find a way that she can forgive you and you can forgive yourself. You may want to see a doctor or a religious leader. But you two together need to get help that would actually help you and her the most, individually and jointly.

Good luck

Answer 10

tell her the truth and both of yall seek Christian counseling cause yall have been together for 28 years and its is worth fighting for!!!