How do I know the difference?

Question

I am married to a boy I have been seeing for about 8 years. About 5 years ago, we broke up for a few months and I dated another guy who I feel in love with. I swore from the second I met him, I would marry him. Well, we were young and things didn' t work out. I ended up back with my (now husband) during college and we ended up married.

However, I still think about the other guy. I still talk to him from time to time and I don't know what to do? Is it just that I have such fond memories that I don't want to let go, or is it that I am not in love with my husband? How do you know the difference?

I guess I didn't elaborate enough. I didn't realize so many people were going to be so hateful. My husband and I have been together 8 years. We are 23, so that means we started dating when we were 15. We dated for 3 years, broke up, and I dated someone else. My Husband and I got back together 6+ months later and have been together ever since. I still talk to this other MAN (sorry, saying boy is natural for a 1st grade teacher) because we have known each other our whole lives (since elementary) and our families are still close friends. That happens when your home town is less than 1000 people.

Basically I was just trying to figure out if these are just fond memories that I keep thinking back to, and if other married people have had the same types of thoughts at some point in time...or if I need to reevaluate my marriage. I love my husband so I don't know why I think these things. I have no intention of stopping conversations with my ex, as I am run into him each time i visit my fam.

My husband knows the other person (my husband is also from the same small town). My husband knows we dated, and that we still talk. He knows that our families are quite close, as well. Thank you to those of you who answered honestly without just passing judgement.

Answer 1

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. With time or memories can become distorted and we see only what we want to see. Things didn't work out for a reason. Was it because you to just went a different way or because your differences caused fights which broke you up? With that said, you are a married woman and there for you have a responsibility to be honest and faithful to your husband. Has he really done something bad or is it that you think you could be happier with another. Have you in your mind made this other guy so much better and you now want to believe your not in love with your husband? If things are just boring and routine, that can change. It doesn't mean your not in love with your husband, just that you want to spice it up again. I suggest talking to a marriage counselor. I think you have made the memories bigger and better then they are and it is clouding the actual love you have for your husband. Good Luck.

Answer 2

it's natural to think about past relationships, especially if they bring back good memories. I'm 51 and have MANY fond memories of past relationships BUT!!! if you love the person you are married to and care about his feelings and have a happy, fruitfull relationship. you shouldn't be talking to this other person without your husbands knowledge, trust me he won't understand if he finds out, and somehow they always do. this is a temptation you don't need, IF you want this marriage to work!!!! only you can answer the question, only you know if you still love your husband. your feelings change the longer you're with someone,it may not feel the same as it once did, but look at the BIG picture.the grass is almost never greener on the other side of the fence!!! you have alot of soul searching to do. i suggest you stop talking to the other until you know where you're at in your own mind. if your husband is good to you,works hard, and provides well. don't you think he deserves to be treated as YOU would want to be treated???? good, CARING men are harder to find these days. if you have one you better hold on to him, you may not find another. if you let him go and realize your mistake to late, good luck getting him back. someone else with more insight like a friend, will probably have him by then.

Answer 3

First of all you married a boy not a man and you must have been a girl not a woman. This isn't high school. You need to start sorting out your life and figure out how to be an adult before you start thinking about marriage with anyone. Since you already are married, then get counseling and get yourselves together. You can't possibly know who to be with when you don't know who you are. Grow up.

Answer 4

You need to sort out what you really want- is the grass going to be greener- are you going to break your husbands heart for what is just memories? I think you have some serious thinking to do and you are not going to find the answer on here.

Answer 5

First of all you should have married a man.

Next, I think you are pathetic. Too bad your husband doesn't know what you are thinking...he could probably get an anulment from your marriage...you weren't true to him since the start.

Make up your mind, and let your husband have his dignity.

Answer 6

theres a fine line between love and infatuation the best was and the easiest way to tell if its love that you feel for your husband is by sitting back can you picture your life with out your husband is he who you want to grow old with if you run into a bad time into your life is it him you want to help you or who you want to run to are you willing to live your life with out him and are you willing to let him be happy with someone else because if your hubby fonds out that your still talking to this other guy i am willing to bet he is gone

Answer 7

Quit messing with this other guy if you want to stay married.You are confusing yourself seeing you can be attracted to more than one person at a time.If you value your marriage ,end this relationship.

Answer 8

You married a boy??? Maybe that's the problem.