...so mad that you will be saying things just to make him/her mad at you too, is it considered as "putting words to your mouth"? And if so, it is considered legit? Or be considered as true or real statements? Can it be used against you? What if you were just saying those things just to really hurt, insult and make him/her more mad than you. You know, just to get even, so as both of you will be hurt. He/she hurt you badly that you hurt him/her back, stuff like that! Marvelous ideas and honest opinions are highly appreciated. I'm confused. Help!
2007-06-17 11:28:40 · 9 answers · asked by finding_answers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Isn't it that "actions speak louder than words"? If you say things that are not real, you know, just to hurt him/her, would you believe it? Knowing him/her all these years means you really don't know him/her that much! Can't you tell from what's true and what's made-up or just product of profuse anger? You're not in a court of law, why should the "anything you say will be used against you" prevail? If I say I have three feet, will you believe me? For me, to see is to believe, the rest are just for the sake of talking. Besides, a tooth for a tooth, so when you're hurt, you have to hurt back so that next time, each one will refrain from hurting because you & he/she don't want to be hurt! What do you think?
2007-06-19 12:07:05 · update #1
I think that after time we know our partners and we know their weak spots and what we could say that would hurt. I think those hateful words are true and do come out but I think the difference is they don't actually change our love/feelings. What I mean is, if you say something derogatory about them, you want to hurt them, but you still when the argument is over, have more positive feelings for them that are a greater sum than whatever negatives you threw out there. If you do zing someone badly, you really need to do a repair patch.
For example " John, I know I told you that you are the cheapest man in the world, but you know you are generous in so many other ways besides spending money"
I think if you say it, you own it, and you may say something that festers in the person until it spreads and destroys the relationship.
Face it, we need the people in our life to like us, like us quite a bit, so when you hit with a few home truths you really can rock your foundation in your relationship. If you need to hurt someone, and you find yourself in a relationship where you want to say things to really hurt and humilate them (I can't tell the difference between my pinkie and your winkie) then it might be a good HEALTHY choice for both of you to get to the root of why you want to hurt ( maybe you're still mad at him telling you your hiney looks big in your favorite shorts or his one night stand)
I am not saying that there aren't times when we don't want to really hurt our men in the heat of an arguement, but I think love kind of helps you keep your mouth zipped about certain things that you can't kiss and make-up. I think that it is a great question and I almost think what you are really asking is "Are their things in a relationship you can never say?" I think the answer is Yes.
2007-06-17 11:53:55 · answer #1 · answered by donny_mollysmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very destructive way to fight. And I don't see any point in discussing "If you can get away with saying mean things." People say things all the time that aren't true but people base their live around these things. Like the little girl who grew up being told she was fat and now wont eat. Words have power. example Bible, Torah, Koran, Declaration of Independence. Mean things, are mean things, Id rather be smacked up side the head than to have heard some of the things people tell each other in anger. Because generally anger allows for a looser tongue and you were just saying the things think, all along. And either way lie or not, the person will never think of you the same way they will always wonder if you really meant it.
2007-06-23 11:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by littlefariemom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the heat of anger we kinda lose the ability to think logically.....we put our mouth in gear before our brain so to speak. It is very common. I dont believe anything said in anger is the truth. Like you said, we say and do things on the spur of the moment to give back the hurt that they are making us feel. After an argument, the best thing the both of you can distance yourself from each other and cool down. When you both feel calm you should immediately talk about the argument so it doesnt fester. You will probably find that both of you are sorry for the things that were said. If you are confused and are wondering if the things he said were true, then the best person to ease your confusion is him. You will probably find that the things said in the heat of the moment were not meant. Talk to him as soon as possible....dont let it go unchecked for too long.
2007-06-17 18:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Anything you say can and will be used against you. Once it's out there, you can't take it back. It can't be blamed on the other person either.
Be the better person and learn to use the pause button in your brain.
Any way you look at it, intentionally hurting someone, whether they hurt you or not, is childish.
2007-06-17 18:35:19 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Putting words in your mouth is when someone twists the words you did say to mean something you didn't say. I think you should be careful with the words you use in a fight. Calling someone names and putting them down is hurtful. It can become abusive very quick. You are confused, and perhaps a little hostile.
2007-06-17 18:39:14 · answer #5 · answered by MotherMayI? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pushing each other's hot buttons when having an argument, or bringing up past stuff is just not 'fighting fair', and is immature. Usually what is being argued about is NOT the real issue, there are often things underlying it all.
2007-06-18 09:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I put up with 30 years of marriage having him do this to me, I said the hell with it and filed for a divorce! I'm not any help, sorry any thing you say or do will be held against you no matter how long ago it was.
2007-06-17 18:34:21 · answer #7 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He who angers you has conquered you*... It takes two to make an argument*. The thing you have to ask yourself is "can we disagree without being disagreeable*". Someone has to walk away or take a time out when you see its going in that direction*.Even if you win you lose*...
2007-06-17 18:40:04 · answer #8 · answered by dca2003311@yahoo.com 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is just a game!
2007-06-24 10:12:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋