How should I go about adapting my self esteem issues to the environment around me?

Question

This is my third question and I have not recieved any good advice on how I should go about becoming a more content and self motivated person. I have a hairy back and chest. My motivation, confidence, personal worth, and self esteem, since early high school has been low. Due to the remarks, insults, and situations I view involving men of hair. Im looking for a method that involves changing my internal perceptions of myself. This method would be better recieved if it were cost effective and permanent. I have these feelings of shame, of self loathing, and well just bad thoughts involving me, my family, and the world around. Ive tried shaving, wax, and all that ****. Hair grows back. I know why people want me to feel this way. It reminds them of our ancestoral relatives way down there in the evolutionary process. Im not an ape. But I am mentally broken down. Im not a deformed person. I know this. Im not really that portly either. I need a way to become a normal person, please.

Answer 1

What's the mystery? I'm sure you've gotten the correct answer at least twice before.

Counseling.

It's the only way to deal with self-loathing of any kind. It may be that you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth.

By the way - I went and looked at your other 2 pages with this question and you got superb answers. Some like hair some don't. Find someone who does and get help for your self-seteem... in a nutshell.

Answer 2

I am sure you don't want to hear this.
First, no one can make you feel anything, it is how you respond to what others say. Therefore, you must change your response to their message.
Second, you should stop thinking you are the only one who is like that. What helped my self-esteem was the realization that people who were making funny remarks about me had their own self-esteem problems and had to work on it all the time. Right now the only difference between you and them is that they are working on their problem and your not.
Third, end the pity party and wake up. I knew a lot of hairy people and they were proud of it, so proud it made me jealous. You could be the same way.
So, in the end you are making yourself feel the way you are, no one else. Knowing that, you can change the way you feel about yourself by realizing all the things you have to offer people. If you start offering to help people, despite what they think, their opinion will change and they will realize how valuable you are, but, again, you have to show them. If you don't they are not to blame.

Answer 3

You are already a normal person! The problem is that we are all our own worst critic.

Look, I have numerous "flaws" such as very pale skin (I always get jeers when I go swimming and people can see my pale body) and I'm also really large (6'5" and on the heavy side). As a kid I was always mocked for being fat, and picked on for being tall.

I could let the comments get to me, of course. But you know what? The people who are saying those hurtful things or coming to premature conclusions about me are the kinds of people I don't want to know anyway. They are shallow, vain, stupid people. All my friends are the types who don't judge people without getting to know them first.

Furthermore, why do you need to change your appearance anyway? If you're wearing a shirt, no one is going to see your hairyness. And if somebody in the locker room or on the beach sees you, so what? Most people won't really think much about it. If you're a friendly nice guy, that is who they will remember, not "the hairy back guy".

So here is what I recommend. If anyone makes a dumb comment about how you look, don't take it to heart. Instead, laugh along with them. Make a joke about yourself maybe. This will instantly have the effect of putting them in a position of feeling like a jacka** for being insensitive. At the same time, you will establish yourself as a nice, funny person.

For example, you are in a locker room about to go swimming in a public pool. Some jerk says, "whoa! Hairy back. What are you, a gorilla?"

Come right back and say, "that's right! My grandmother makes a mean banana casserole."

Now jerky guy is stopped in his tracks, because he didn't expect that reaction. He probably thought you'd be surly or show some hurt. But you didn't. It bounced right off you. Now you go for the jugular. Stick out hour hand for him to shake it and introduce yourself. "My name is (insert your name here). How ya doin?"

The guy will be floored. You turned around his insult into an introduction. He will actually feel grateful that you extended a hand in friendship. 99% of the time when someone insults you, it's because they are feeling kind of down on themselves. For you to forgive them and offer friendship will blow them away.

If you're a shy person, it will be hard to do this the first couple times, but force yourself to try it. Think to yourself, what have you got to lose? At best, you'll have another friend, at worst, the guy will continue to be a jerk and everyone else will be on your side because you met his challenge fairly and nicely. It will get easier with time and practice.

Answer 4

Look at me......I'm having a terrible time too.....Pinochio made it....so can we...chin up now....