I would not earn his son's respect if I did not go to all his baseball games and such. I know I needed to do it, but I was not raised this way and I wanted more time to adjust. He was very demanding towards me and would always fight with me because of his son........I came back to my country to distance myself from the situation and think all over it. I told him I am willing to go back but he still wants me to think the way he and his family does, not giving me room to be myself. His daughter told me a lot of bad things about him because she was jealous of me being there and it seems he does not see that. How to convince him that I am willing to do but that love is free and it takes time to adjust and it takes TWO TO TANGO? We are not young anymore, and despite the differences I am willing to make it work, but he has to want that to. He makes things hard for both of us...and he told me if I don't share the same interests they can do very little for me. Is this American culture?
Help!
2007-06-17 08:13:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No,it's not.He sounds like a control freak.He married you and should recognize and respect your culture,and find ways to integrate it into your family
2007-06-17 08:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No this isn't American culture: It's this particular man.
What's making this difficult is that he is a grown man with children, already: He has his own ways of running his family, and this is how they live. Because he is already the head of his household, he expects you to follow along, and not get in the way of how he and his children do things. His daughter is jealous because she knows that you are taking attention away from her, as well. If you were an American woman, this situation would still be difficult to handle. Because you are a foreigner and have to adjust to daily life in another country, it makes everything that much worse.
In my opinion, he is being insensitive to you and your need to get used to the culture and to his family. I would suggest that you find a man who does not have children. The only way this situation will work is:
1. If the children accept you fully as a person and a mother-figure (because that is the role you would be taking)
and
2. He accepts you as a person who needs to adjust to a new family situation and a new culture. He should also accept YOUR culture, because he is supposed to be making a commitment to you.
If he and his family can't do these things, then it won't work out because you and they will always be at odds. Don't let him make you feel guilty for "not having the same interests". If he wanted an American woman, he should have found one.
Good luck, and I hope you make whatever choice you need to to be happy.
2007-06-17 08:33:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you should be willing to make compromises. It's just like my bf and I. We have to compromise because of our age difference. He is 19, and I'm 29, so it makes it a little more difficult. While your husband may be used to doing things a certain way, he must also be willing to make changes to accomodate your needs as well. If he's not willing to do that, then I don't think he's worth all the trouble. That is not American culture in my eyes honey. He's a pig.
2007-06-17 08:19:22 · answer #3 · answered by mini_me_kristi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. This is not American Culture.
But you did marry a demanding and controlling guy.
There's a lot of American guys out there that think that if they bring a wife from overseas, that she should be so grateful that he brought her to the US that she should be kissing his feet for the rest of his life. And a lot of these guys marry a foreigner because they can't cut it with an assertive American woman.
Just stay in your own country...you'll be happier in the end than with this guy and all his insecurities.
2007-06-17 08:33:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you married Tom Cruise.
No, this is not American culture. However, you married into a family with children, thereby becoming a stepmom. There's a longstanding negative connotation with stepfamilies. It will take a LOT for his kids to love and respect you, and I'm sure that going to his sons games will help with that. I'm not sure how your culture would go against your supporting a child's interests.
2007-06-17 08:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's the particular MAN. He is a controlling man who doesn't care how YOU feel! I wouldn't get back together with him until HE promises to give you some space and not force you to attend every single family event he likes to go to. He sounds very selfish to me. I'd divorce him unless he is willing to change if he is agree on getting consoling . It's sad for you that you married him before you knew him. American women have equal rights with men, so you only have to put up with the crap you choose to put up with. You are right, it takes two willing people to make a marriage work. Not one demanding everything from the other. and no this is not an American culture it is controlling problems and greed.
- best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-06-17 08:20:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No that's not the American culture. That is one man's selfish and controlling behavior. It's sad for you that you married him before you knew him. American women have equal rights with men, so you only have to put up with the crap you choose to put up with. You are right, it takes two willing people to make a marriage work. Not one demanding everything from the other.
2007-06-17 08:24:42 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like you are saying you weren't raised to nurture and support the children.My children would have been crushed if I hadn't gone to their sports events and school events.If you marry a man ,you marry his children. By not supporting the family as a whole you are rejecting him and his children.And he probably feels that if you had the least interest in being a good parent to his children, you would have been supporting them from the begining.Being a caring supportive person isn't something you work into,either you are or aren't. Sounds to me like you are selfish and just don't care if you bond with the children.And,No, it's not american culture.It's common sense in any family.Regardless of what country you are from.
2007-06-17 08:27:24 · answer #8 · answered by Rhea B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This isn't any culture, it's the particular MAN. He is a controlling man who doesn't care how YOU feel! I wouldn't get back together with him until HE promises to give you some space and not force you to attend every single family event he likes to go to. He sounds very selfish to me. I'd divorce him unless he is willing to change.
2007-06-17 08:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i develop into in a protracted distance relationship for some year, and that i'm able to be sure what he ability approximately being tied down. I bear in mind lacking going out with my acquaintances as a results of fact i develop into dealing with some concern over the telephone, feeling obligated to stay and communicate on line, or leaving the room whilst he noted as. i think of i might believe him if he's asserting tied down does not consult with you, yet extra to maximum of those circumstances, rather in the journey that your relationship develop into stable previous to the LD. i assume i might in simple terms ask him how he feels approximately marraige, with out including the extra string of words on the top (the ol' ball and chain, being tied down, etc.)
2016-10-09 09:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by metrick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋