What can you do if your spouse constantly rebuffs you and shouts at you? I have kind of learned to live w/ it?

Question

Constant grunts, constant remarks, no cuddling, untouchable, grumpy....
Dependable, good provider....
I am dead inside?
Any help?

Answer 1

first off the shouting and remarks are classic signs of verbal abuse which more than half the time leads to physical abuse. You need to try to arrange someway for this person to get help or leave. Either they dont love you or something elses is going on. Usually when people do that to their spouse or partner they are trying to push you into breaking it off so they dont seem like they are jerks. They probablly have somebody else in mind or they just dont care about you and your feelings. But no matter what it is you dont have to take that kind of behavior from any one.

Answer 2

There is a problem and you need to find out what it is. If you are the wife, then try making yourself sexy with a new hairdo or some sexy lingerie. If you are the husband then maybe a nice haircut or something. If that doesn't work then it could be a psychological issue. Maybe try couseling. I am all for working on a marriage, but no one should have to feel dead inside because of the rebuffs from a spouse.

Answer 3

Funny you should ask that...I was just getting ready to ask the same thing...my husband is a good man and a good provider, but that's about it. He doesn't cheat and he doesn't beat on me, but I am still miserable. When I have (tried on more oocasions than I can count) talked to him about this, he yells at me that I don't have it so bad. I can only tell him I don't have it that good either. We did go to marriage counseling and it did help for a while, but now we are back, once again, to this point where I feel like nothing more than a live-in housekeeper. It's like a big roller coaster ride--at first it was fun, but now it's getting nauseating--it's time to get off a ride going nowhere. Don't get used to his being disprespectful of you--it's being disrespectful to yourself. Time to move on before you end up in my shoes--so sad and bitter you don't want anything to do with men ever again, if this is all there is to them...you can write me privately if you need to vent--not much I can do for you, but I can listen. Maybe together we can be strong and work up the courage to leave these men and become strong for ourselves without someone dragging us down and making us feel worthless...

Answer 4

Talk to a counselor. If you are dead inside that is not good. Perhaps you are depressed. Perhaps he is.

If it hasn't always been this way, when did it start? Was there something that kicked it off?

You need to move forward. I can't and won't say to get a divorce, because there are a lot of steps you need to take before you get to that point. However it may at some point come to that.

Also, this is common for a person dealing with alcohol or substance abuse. If there is alcohol or substance abuse on his part (or if you drink or do drugs) then you may want to try a local AA , NA or Al-anon meeting.

Answer 5

There is defintely something wrong here. You and your wife need to have a very intimate conversation. Why don't you ask her out to dinner, get dressed up, send her some flowers that day - prepare her for the evening. Make sure you say all the right things to her - you need to let her know how you feel right now in the marriage and ask her what she is feeling. If there are children, she may be overwhelmed; she may be going through something and has not told you, you have to let her know what your needs are. If nothing is happening - seek counsel. Do you attend church? Seek the counsel of your Pastor. If you want this marriage to work - and if she does, then you both have to work on it.

Answer 6

DO NOT GET USED TO IT!!!! Demand respect from this man. Start taking pride in yourself. If he sees that you've learned to live with this kind of behavior, why should he change? Start doing for yourself. Sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him that you love him... thank him for being dependable and a good provider.... tell him about all his positives... then tell him how you feel about the other stuff in a non-intimidating manner. Tell him that you can no longer tolerate it as it makes you feel less important to him. Ask him to please make an effort to stop this behavior. Suggest counseling together... if he refuses, then you go by yourself. Because one thing I've learned, you can only make changes in yourself.

I wish you lots of luck with this. I hope you find the courage to do this. Remember, abuse is not always just physical.... emotional abuse is the worse kind. Start taking care of yourself.

Answer 7

That is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship. I would seek couples therapy to try to save the marriage and to make both halves of the couple happier. Then if all else fails, time to get divorced and find someone that loves you the way you deserve. Being a good provider is not the be all and end all of everything, there is more to a relationship than that. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You might want to try marital counseling. Without going into your life too much, I would think that this has not always happened. You might want to find out what the underlying problem is. Then you also need to assess if that is where you are happiest in life. Also sit down with your spouse and address the issues. . .without any fingerpointing on either side. Good Luck

Answer 9

He knows you are there only because he is a 'good provider.' He has proven that by treating you like crap, and yet you continue to take it. This has lost his respect for you. And where there is no respect there can be no love.

It's your choice. You can try counseling, but I doubt he will go. He, after all, doesn't see it as a problem. If by some miracle he does go, then give it a try. You might be able to save your marriage.

Ultimately you will have to choose: comfort and security versus self-respect and independence.

Answer 10

Sounds like a miserable life, so he's a good provider, so what? You don't need him. You can either spend your life being unhappy but taken care of financially. Or you can leave and take care of yourself. Only then will you have a chance to find a man who doesn't treat you like dirt.