A question for anyone with lots of "life" experiences. There's an innocent baby on it's way.

Question

This new girl just started to work at Wal-mart the other week (where I work) and we have been talking alot duing break and after work about our lives and stuff. She is a really sweet girl who is really in a tough situation right now and I want to help her in any way I can. She is currently 3 months pregnant by her boyfriend who doesn't even want the baby and wants her to have an abortion. She tells me that he's mean and abussive to her and she's afraid she's gonna loose this baby if she stays with him ,but she don't see a way out. I have quickly grown to care for her and want to offer her more than just my friendship. We have discussed her coming to live with me where she would be safe and cared for and I would love her and her baby just as my own sense I don't have any kids and am not sure if I can have kids due to a past medical condition. I have prayed about this and feel that God may be bringing us together for a reason. (Don't answer yet, more details coming)

Last night we talked after work and she really sent me home with some deep thoughts. She admited that's she HAS TO get out soon ,but she diffently not gonna have this baby and introduce it to a man that's not gonna be there for all it's life! She wants somebody that is gonna love her and the baby equally and be a real father to it. She said that when the baby is born in January, she wants to put my name on the Birth Certificate as the father. Now, to me that was a very hard hitting statment and therefore that is why I am posting this question. I keep asking myself ,Am I ready for this? I'm 29 and I have never had this kind of responsibility so this would be a HUGE commitment like none other I've made! I personally feel I'm ready and could do it ,but I really have to be sure that with this girl ,it's Love and not just Lust I'm feeling right now for her. My mind is going crazy right now. This guy she is with is hitting her and I'm sure there's so much more to it.

She has a court date coming up 6/25 where she is charging him with Assult on a female and she's is thinking about telling the judge to dsmiss it in fear that he may do something really bad to her in the baby if he has to go to jail. I am wanting to somehow get her away from this situation ,but I also have a fear of him coming after me cause she tells me that he's a violent person. She's scared and I'm scared and an innocent baby hangs in the balance of it all. Can I provide her the love and support she really needs and above all can I be the father that my father nore her father has never been. I always said I would be, this could be my chance to prove it seeing how I'm not getting any younger. Wow, It's Father's Day and here's a question that pretains to that pretty much. Please give all and any advice of experience you can. This is serious ,so no stupid remarks please.

Answer 1

WHOA.It is a wonderful thing that you are considering, but you need to take yourself out of the equation and really think things over.First, you have to think about this unborn child, it needs a stable home, not a temporary home. Help the mom to be find services that can help her get a place of her own that she can safely take care of HER child.I do not think that you should move her in with you because you are putting yourself in danger with the BD.I would not involve myself with her for that reason and for the reason that she might end up with the guy again( hopefully not though).Please do not allow yourself to be named as the baby's father without some proper counseling, You could end up in a lot of truoble which could ruin your next potential relationship.There are plenty ways in which you can help her: You can help her find a service which can help her with an apartment and the baby, You can convince her to press charges on the abuser so that at least they can be safe.Don't feel sorry for her because of the situation that she is in and ruin your life trying to rescue her.It is very commendable that you want to help, but don't put yourself out over it.Don't start a relationship with her just because of what she is going through because that is not healthy for her or the child.Stay friends and see where it goes from there. You say you have been praying about the issue.Continue to do so but see all sides of the answer, not only the part that you want to fit you.I know you may feel like this is a sign from GOD but you have to look at the big picture.If a past medical condition has left you unable to have children, then pray about that and it shall come one day. Have children by or with someone that you love, not someone you like because they have a child.Trust me prayer works and soon everything will come to light, but don't make any life altering decisions until then. Just be careful that you are not being used and end up in some weird love triangle. You have at least 6 more months to see what happens with you before thae baby comes.I hope everything works out for the better. GOD Bless.

Answer 2

Wow, you have a huge dilema on your hands. First of all, your friend should get out of the relationship she is in quickly, and get a restraining order on this boyfriend of hers. I know,I know, restraining orders are just paper and can and are broken, but at least there is legal documentation of the abuse from the guy she is with. You also can file one if you feel threatened by him in any way. You have to really think and pray (which was very refreshing to hear you have been) for guidance, as having your name on the birth certificate has many many ramifications later on down the road should this not last.
There really is no easy answer to give you. Only support in what you are already doing. If it is meant to be, and God is guiding you in that direction, then it will work out. Sorry I couldn't give a better answer, but thought you could use some support.

Answer 3

It's fine to want to help her out, but keep in mind that alot of men have a "knight in shining armor" complex and don't fully realize what they are getting into because all they see is a "maiden" who needs saving.

If you are serious about her then instead of moving her in, help her get her own place and up on her own two feet. Treat her like a lady, not a shack up honey. If you are sincere then do this... and don't move her in until you two have dated and are married.

And whatever you do.. DO NOT PUT YOUR NAME ON THAT CHILD'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE. The child's dad may be a loser but that child deserves to know who it's real father is and you have no business putting your name on that certificate. If things don't work out then what? You've got to see past the feelings you are having right now and use your brain.... not your heart to see the whole picture and all the possible scenerios.

Answer 4

Since you're already questioning yourself about whether or not it's lust or love, it's probably NOT a good idea to put your name on the baby's certificate and not a good idea to go into a live-in situation. What you should do is try to get her to go back home and live with her parents or another relative. Then you can start a mature relationship of dating which may or may not lead to marriage. I'm not sure God would like it that much if you had her shack up with you, unmarried!

Answer 5

Be careful as the moment you are listed as the Father, you become responsible until the child is 18. Even if you don't stay together. It could be a ploy to get monetary support. I would reccomend helping as much as you can without allowing yourself to be used, but do not let your name go on the birth certificate. If at a later date, things are still great you can always legally adopt the child. I think you are kind hearted and can be used easily. Please be careful !!

Answer 6

Bless you for having such a compassionate heart and a willingness to step in and help someone in such a situation...after talking this over with my BF he suggested that she leave the father's name blank on the birth certificate (I did that with my daughter's) DO NOT allow her to put your name on it under any circumstances as you will be financially responsible for this child for 18yrs no matter what happens. Help her by helping her to help herself, perhaps stay at a cheap motel with you paying for part of it, or move in with family/friend or a shelter for abused women, these shelters are everywhere in every state just about. Make sure you are not being used as a financial "door mat" and that she take some responsibility for her situation as well, she got herself into it after all, she should be part of the solution. It sounds like your heart is in a good place in wanting to commit to her but is that what SHE wants with you? Be careful, be cautious, and above all, stay your loving self.

Answer 7

no one can tell you what is the right thing to do. you have to make sure that your heart and head are into this. i can tell you
that you have to be sure that you can handle this. being a step
parent is not easy. are you sure that you can truly love a child
that is not your blood. and what if things do not work out with
you and this girl? will you still love this child? have you heard
the song that says, i hope i am half the man he didn't have to
be? it is talking about a step-father. it takes a very special
person to fill the shoes that you are talking about. but like i
said before, no one can make that decision for you. you just
have to do some soul searching and decide for yourself. if it
is what you want, then don't let anyone change your mind.
good luck..

Answer 8

Are you serious ? You've only known this person for a few weeks and you are willing to let her move in and sign the birth certificate ? Dude , where are you from ? know this , if you sign that certificate you are legally bound for the next 18 years for child support . It's ok with me if it's ok with you but you're about to make a foolish mistake. It's alright to help people in need , as long as you don't cut your own throat.

Answer 9

Wow Skier, At first all I want to say is "RUN FOREST RUN!" but seriously, only you can decide where you would like your future to go. Whatever you decide, do it with all the love in your heart. I really hope you find a girl that is healthy and happy to share your life with, not someone that you have to "save" for your own good. I feel horrible for this girl, dose she have her own family she can turn to? I just think if you get involved with an unhealthy situation, you'll probably get hurt.

Answer 10

this is very serious, if you were my son I would have to council you to not put your name on the birth certificate. # 1 it would make you legally responsible for the child. #2 she should get him the abuser to sign away his parental rights, after the birth if its not in place she (and you) could be in for more court dates. yes, get her in a safe house. abused women have help as never before now, so she needs to ask for safety. #3. your heart is so kind, think it through ask what Jesus would do.