Father and emotional abuse?

Question

My father always ignored me growing up. He would always tune me out if I talked for too long and would yell at me for making the slightest mistakes. I developed a habit of perpetually saying "I'm sorry" and I always end up with guys who are emotionally abusive. My sister didn't have the same problem as me. I'm trying to overcome it. Anybody have any advice?

yeah, in recent years if he's made me mad, I've started to go toe to toe with him. I've found it helps a lot. But still have a long way to go.

Answer 1

I think its very important to seek God. Remember, God is your "Heavenly Father" and an example of what a loving father should be: graceful, compassionate, loving, kind, patient and just.

A lot of women have difficulty even calling God "Father" because of their abusive childhoods at the hands of their earthly fathers. So it may be difficult for you to turn to Him as your Father. But know that He cares for you and wants to heal you.

As you come to know God and trust Him as your Father, explore the word of God. Come to know what God wants out of each of us, and seek no less than a man committed to wanting the same thing. Those who truly love God obey Him; and those who obey Him shun abuse (emotionally, physically and sexually) and exhibit fruits of the Spirit (kindness, gentleness, self-control, love, peace, etc. - Gal 5:22-23).

This can be done - I know, my wife has struggled with more difficult issues with her dad than you mentioned. But seeking God with one's whole heart will help that person heal and help them focus on what's important in life: living for God's glory.

Answer 2

In the future, when you are dating a guy, the first time he makes you feel embarrassed or small for doing or saying something, that's it. Stop it then and don't go out with him again. It takes time to get to know people and their true personalities, but you can choose to get out at the first sign that this guy is emotionally abusive. A relationship should make you feel good about yourself and your guy should make you feel special. It doesn't take too long to tell if a guy is going to be sensitive to your feelings and needs. Remember that actions speak louder than words.

Answer 3

Yes. Father yourself. We often look to parents to give us perfect love. We sometimes forget that they are human, too, full of imperfection and to concentrate on their imperfection IS AN IMPERFECT WAY OF LOOKING AT THEM. Just because one is an adult does NOT mean they know how to love positively. Forgive him for his ignorance. Move on.

The thing is, you know deep down how true love works. Remember a bad experience with your dad where he treated you a way you didn't like. Now, imagine the loving way you would have wanted to be treated. If you can imagine that, then you have all the love you need right there inside you. Now imagine a guy in your life treating you like crap in front of this imagined all-loving father of yours. What would that loving dad of yours say to the guy? Good. Now say it to the guy that's treating you bad. (I think a loving father would kick that guy's @$$ for treating you bad.)

If you want these bad people out of your life and attract the good ones, then you need to realize that with all your strengths and weaknesses, you are perfectly ok as you are right now. You'll naturally stand up for yourself when anyone says otherwise to you because you know they're just not right.

You are human. You are not meant to be perfect. It's funny if anyone would blame you for not being perfect. Because they're right! You're not. What you are is absolutely beautiful and if the guys you are with cannot see that, then that's THEIR imperfection. It's your job alone to come to see yourself as beautiful inside and out and surround yourself with loving people who agree with you. If they don't, don't waste your time trying to convince them. Convince YOU and those negative people will naturally fall out of your life because you won't be interested in dealing with them.

Answer 4

tough question.
your father is where it started ,mabe you should work it out there first untill you both feel it's resolved.then you can move forword with more confidence that you are loved and unconditional value has no depth.