No living souls came after you,
During your living years.
Now even satan won't save you,
the meaning now is clear.
Point blank has whiped your dry world blank,
To the lifeless wooden floor you sank,
For you there's no adventure of hell,
The adventure that to have,
Your life you'd sell.
Torturing silence echos the walls,
In a room you'll spend eternity in,
The fires you left surround this room,
Yet you shant feel a thing.
So numb,
You've become.
When all evil,
Comes undone,
There's nothing left,
In hell for you,
Your dream of satan fearing you
Has now come true!
all found in hell
You've unleashed here,
Lifelessness of death's now what you fear.
2007-06-17 06:31:46 · 15 answers · asked by . 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music ➔ Lyrics
No, I don't.
Not criticism, or being mean or harsh - I just know what I like, and that's not it.
2007-06-17 06:34:46 · answer #1 · answered by Stuart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
*never use the same word to rhyme with it. [hint: you]
*make sure you don't use the same word in a line that, well. the blank .......blank part. yeah. you need another word for the first blank.
*you started off rhyming every other line and then you started to rhyme each line then back to every other line. keep the rhyming technique the same.
*ummmm make sure you rhyme, walls.....in....room...thing....nothing rhymes.
*the last paragraph needs some help......
in all its ok, but it just needs a re-write.
2007-06-17 13:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd go back to the drawing board.
2007-06-17 14:15:26 · answer #3 · answered by ear60008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could have put at least one cap in there tho
2007-06-17 13:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by capa-de-monty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, that is very nice!
you seem sad in a way but it tells hat happens when you don't follow the right rules in this world! nice job
2007-06-17 13:35:10 · answer #5 · answered by hahahaha 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
nice.
good luck with the turning it into a song.
2007-06-17 13:39:12 · answer #6 · answered by shesxalandslide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds ok although it needs a chorus and needs to be a bit longer ........what genre is it , rock rap, i doubt its country but......
2007-06-17 13:36:41 · answer #7 · answered by ~♥~Nay~♥~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kinda deep and dark but yah i rele do
2007-06-17 13:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by tpdncn 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i likee emm
2007-06-17 13:38:50 · answer #9 · answered by chanel princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sucks jk its ok
2007-06-17 13:34:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋