Revised poem..need your input again?

Question

Scary night!

There was a dead calm, a loud yell near by
Everyone frightened by the furious sound
In the forest, cries of horror scattering around
Getting closer, hurry let’s get inside

At night owls, wolves and coyotes all cried
In perfect harmony under the vivid sky
The earth shaken by this mysterious being in the dark
I only saw the shadow passed by the candlelight

Menacing and full of rage, grunting
Storming back in forth, everyone quiet
Stay put my heart’s pumping, danger outside
A lonely scream, I heard about a mile

The noise of the dry leaves by the old road
The suspense in our eyes, breathing deep and hard
Against the windows in the old forgotten house
Was our only salvation of staying alive

Sleepless night, too terrified to be asleep
Our bodies ached, our sweaty hands
The sunlight hitting our faces, blinding our eyes
I slowly got up and peak outside

Is it over? Hesitantly whispering to Matt
The beast is gone let’s all pack
The silence is chilling, a dog’s bark
I know for sure I’m not coming back

Answer 1

Solid prose. Gets the responce you wanted. Good one.

Answer 2

There was a dead calm, a loud yell near by,
Everyone frightened by the furious sound.
In the forest, cries of horror scattering around
Getting closer, hurry let’s get inside!

At night, owls, wolves and coyotes all cried
In perfect harmony under the vivid sky.
The earth shaken by this mysterious being in the dark,
I only saw the shadow passed by the candlelight.

Menacing and full of rage, grunting {I dunno, seems like something is missing from this line since all your lines seem to have a 4-beat meter.. it's like 1 beat is missing -- two syllables}
Storming back in forth, everyone quiet
Stay put my heart’s pumping, danger outside,
A lonely scream I heard about a mile.

The noise of the dry leaves by the old road,
The suspense in our eyes, breathing deep and hard
Against the windows in the old forgotten house
Was our only salvation of staying alive.

Sleepless night, too terrified to be asleep,
Our bodies ached, our sweaty hands.
The sunlight hitting our faces, blinding our eyes,
I slowly got up and PEEKED outside.

"Is it over?", hesitantly whispering to Matt,
"The beast is gone; let’s all pack."
The silence is chilling, a dog’s bark {add "is" and an adjective}
I know for sure... I’m not coming back!!!

GREAT JOB!!! I loved it!

Answer 3

females: Delilah Alice 6/10 Ellen Charlotte 2/10 Laurel Adelaide 2/10 Madeline Victoria 5/10 Alexandra Kathleen 5/10 Irene Lillian 2/10 Clara Josephine 6/10 Genevieve Elise 5/10 Lillian Isabelle 7/10 Evangeline Claire 7/10 Boys: Oliver Henry 5/10 Benjamin Charles - Charles after my brother and father 4/10 Nathaniel Thomas 4/10 Frederick William a million/10 Throdore Sean a million/10 Edward Joel 0/10 Lucas Carter a million/10 Robert Owen 0/10 Elliott Jude a million/10 Leonardo Daniel a million/10

Answer 4

Whoa, this one sent chills up and down my spine...