husband wants to save old stuff?

Question

my husband and I just bought our first home. I told him to "sort through his clothes and things he hasn't used in the last 5 years. and he won't throw any of it out. he has clothes in 4 garbage bags he hasn't worn in 17yr( we have been married that long) he is 50yr old. and he has an old clock/radio from the 50's that belonged to his grandmother(doesn't work at all- he doesn't know how to fix it either) and an old gun rack of his dead father. he doesn't own ANY GUNS!! how to get him to part with these and not end up in a dead argument(he won't get rid of ever) he said when and if he dies BEFORE me THEN I can get rid of these things until then they are cluttering up the new "office room" and the 2 car garage that we argued over for 2 years while looking for the "right " house is full of all his things that he doesn't use. and he saved 3 outdoor grills and they are cluttering up the backyard but he says he can fix them and make 1 new one. but he doesn't have time to fix them. what to do?

I watch this home improvement show on HGTV that takes 1 or 2 rooms and helps them go through their "stuff" and says for a rule if you haven't used in 5yrs throw it out. why can't he?? and the clothes in garbage bags what about those? he hasn't worn those in 17yr. and never will because they are in a car that doesn't work. I know its his stuff, but why can't he see that by putting it in the garage- he said he wanted to have to "fix the cars" during winter time in Ohio. the stuff then gives no room for cars to work on.?? why have a gun rack if you don't own any guns??? why have an old clock that doesn't work and there are 4 clocks in the house on walls.? and then 1 clock finally quit the other day and I through it out and he got it out of the garbage. why?? it don't work- and 4 that do work. 1 in living room , 2 in kitchen and still wants the clock that doesn't work. and then 6 plastic tubs of newspapers from 17yr of saving for "some day might need that information", WHY???

I wanted the new house to be a LITTLE more cleaner and be able to use all the space, but with this stuff in "the office room" it is now just a throw all space and has no door and looks into from living room. and the garage is also a throw all place just thrown in there. why can't he at least organize it up against the walls? out of middle of floor, he hasn't gone to the basement YET. but that it next for real!!! thinking of calling up the HGTV show and help me. seems like my only solution to this. since everyone that has responded has the same problem. and can't help. I have talked to him Patiently to him about not having the house turn into a "junk" house. but everything I throw in trash(that's mine) he takes out. I got a new set of pots and pans, put the old ones in the garbage bag before trash day and he has them in the basement- THE OLD ONES!!! why?? he don't cook- I do the cooking.!!! he has 4 containers of pennies and I have been wrapping those for gas- and the quarters,

our gas bill was 214$ for last month, wrapped up quarters in front of him- that he had in garage- and he asked where I got them- told him I had saved them. he believed me. he has 4 containers full of pennies too. wrapping those to use for buying things we need- gas for my car.
so I should just "wait" till he is dead to get rid of these things.? his aunt had to do that for his uncle that passed away 10yr ago. he had their backyard full of cars, trucks and even a bus that his uncle never fixed or got rid of. but his aunt did and since has had a nice yard to enjoy. why should we wait till they are dead to enjoy our house and yard and garage.?? and he has a dresser for his clothes- BUT_ WON'T PUT CLOTHES IN IT- ONLY ON TOP OF IT- WHY????? time to call this show for help.

Answer 1

rut roh. you married my father.
This is an actual mental illness. He's a packrat!
My mother hides her garbage until pickup day so that my father can't retrieve it.
She also goes through his piles of junk, and sneaks a piece into the garbage when he's not around.
You have to give him a specific area to put his clutter, and then when that is full and he tries to take over the rest of the house, say, sorry dear, but NO. And if at that point it escalates into an argument, let it. Otherwise he will take over your entire house.
My mom has had four dead cars in her yard, etc. At one point she called a towing company and had two removed without his consent. Sure, it led to an argument, but the cars were gone, weren't they!
Try buying him a book on the subject. He may never read it though, just squirrel it away. You could also suggest counseling on the issue, but he probably won't see it your way nor will go.
Insist that your half of the garage be for your car. If he wants to clutter up his half, then fine, he can shovel snow off his car in the winter.
I'm sorry I can't give you a cure-all, but there isn't one unless he sees that this is a mental illness.
And buy him a new grill for father's day. Then don't even ask, just have the other three removed.

Answer 2

I SAY GET OFF TO A NEW START AND THROW AWAY UNEEDED CLUTTER SLOWLY START TO THROW IT AWAY WITHOUT TELLING HIM IF HE HAS THAT MUCH STUFF AND DOESNT USE THEN HE WILL NEVER NOTICE THAT IT IS MISSING

Answer 3

Wow, and I thought that I was a pack rat. Now I know that I am not. At least no where near one as your husband is. I have heard about people like you described but have never met any. Well maybe , um I have no idea what to tell you. wish I did. It is his stuff, but it also your house too. Maybe he could buy or build him a storage shed to put all of his 17 year old junk in. I don't mean junk, I mean stuff. I think that is a great idea. A shed.

Answer 4

I wish I could tell you what to do, but unfortunately, my husband is the same! He has a garage that no one can get into, because it is stacked high with things that are either broken or old " memories" His workshop is so cluttered that I am sure he doesn't even know what he has in there either. Every now and then I go through his drawers, while he is at work, and I secretly throw out his old clothes. He never misses them, because they are all too old for him ever to wear! Although I have no advice for you, I do have a LOT of sympathy, and hope you find some solution.

Answer 5

You buy him a brand new Weber because you love him and tell him he can get rid of the three broken ones now.
Sentimental stuff from dead relatives need kept until he ready to part with it. Just keep saying the depression is over you aren't going to need all this stuff. If he hasn't used it in five years it is either junk or sentimental.

Answer 6

I will be watching this for myself. I have the opposite gender situation. I recently married and she moved her possessions into a 2000 sq foot house that was basically empty when it was just me.
Now after a year I have this huge attitude because it is difficult to navigate through the house. There is not a square foot including the 2 car garage that is spare. I actually hate to be there and would rather just stay in my car until the last minute. She is a wonderful giving person so I have no complaints there ...it is just all the junk. Tons of it. I am suffocating. One example: 150 pounds of cookware (it is stacked in the garage, crammed full in the kitchen, and even stored in a pile in the so called living room) and we eat out most days.
My wife gets enthused about decorating the house but I am chocked off by all the stuff ...I cannot see beyond the stuff.

Ok so I know this isn't an answer but maybe it helps you go on.

Answer 7

Hes a packrat...Its not hard to deal with u just gotta figure out the little tricks. Most of my family are packrats...Let him keep the things that are of sentimental value. Like his dads gun rack and grandmas clock/radio...work them in to the decor of ur new home...But as far as the clothes and things go...throw them out. Not all at once a little here and there. He wont even miss the stuff trust me. Oh and get him a new grill...that way when u get rid of the other 3 he cant be pissed.

Answer 8

Watch HGTV- they have a segment every day dealing with pack rats-and how to help them get organized. You also have to realize that some of the things have sentimental value to your hubby and that needs to be respected. Try to find a solution that gives both of you what you want and creates a win/win situation.

Answer 9

My Dad is 80 years old and has been like this since childhood and so was his folks. To them this is a security issue. They lived through some very hard times and throwing things away was considered a waste and almost on the same level as a sin. The problem is much deeper than just having too much stuff. You are either dealing with security issues that your hubby has or a power struggle. For some reason he may see all of his stuff scattered everywhere as a symbol his power or control over his world. Does he have a job where he is under the control of others all the time? Does he complain a lot about his boss or job? He may need some professional help. I grew up in this situation and find even myself falling to the "keep everything" trap. I have told my hubby to tell me out right when he sees me getting this way. It has worked so far for me as I listen to my mate when he tells me I am going too far. Good Luck. Being married to a pack rat is very trying.

Answer 10

What you're describing sounds like a condition called "compulsive hoarding" or "pathological hoarding." Both involve the accumulation of large amounts of material goods, most of which appear completely useless. Pathological hoarding is frequently seen in people with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) or similar conditions, and most hoarders will not seek medical or psychological assistance because they simply don't see their behavior as a problem. In all honesty, I would consider mentioning his behavior to his physician and go from there. Having that much "stuff" in the house is not only a nuisance, but can lead to dangerous (think firetrap) or unhygienic (think "stuff attracts rodents looking for warm place to stay"). Do keep in mind that his behavior is more indicative of a condition, rather than an attempt to undermine and irritate you.