Married for 10+ years. Spouse developed alcoholism, quit regular job, & for the last couple of years, spends most of his day either sleeping, or drinking at the computer in chat rooms (mostly with gay priests) & generally has been unsupportive of me (emotionally, financially, physically, sexually). I've asked in the past for him to seek help for his drinking, & told him of my needs/desires, & mostly he changes for a couple weeks, & then slides back after he feels the heat is off. I'm tired of this. He claims he loves me, but I think he loves having a wife paying 85% of the bills, keeping house, providing health insurance, etc. I told him 1 month ago that's it, & he wants yet another chance, & for the month, he's stopped drinking & picking up after himself. I told him I can't say I love him anymore, & I don't want a marriage of convenience. He wants to keep trying, but I feel I don't want to try anymore - I've been jerked around enough. How many chances is "fair"?
2007-06-17 04:02:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he won't get into AA, get rid of him. Hes playing the usual game of any abuser, when hes good, hes very very good, and when he knows you've fallen for it again, hes crawling back into the bottle.
For yourself, get to Alanon, thats for families of alcholics, they help you deal with why you allow this and how you can avoid it.
Otherwise, you are not only out of your marriage, you know you can't stand him and would be better off without him than with him. Just go.
I don't know if this is real or not in your case, but it certainly happens with depressing frequency, there are hundreds of thousands of homes that have this going on behind closed doors, and some of those doors are pretty fancy too.
2007-06-17 04:09:46 · answer #1 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok if understand you correctly you been putting up with this for more than 10yrs and it hasn't changed and your wondering if you given enough chances,i think you know the answer to this already nothing is going to change no matter how many chances you give it just depends on how long it takes you to get fed up and say the hell with this i deserve to be treated like a partner and not just a provider for a lazy drunk who isn't worth the sweat off of my ***.you decide how many chances are fair.
2007-06-17 04:11:42 · answer #2 · answered by windwalker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm only going to say this.. when in a relationship do you get to the point when enough is enough?....
......the answer is simple. you don't. a relationship or partnership is not easy and the path is not set in stone paved with gold. Its hard and has to be worked at everyday. There are always going to be ups and downs. But what I think you should do is the both of you go and get marriage counseling. Get the line of communication open again and be able to voice the both of your opinions. Then make your decision. hope this helps..take care.
2007-06-21 01:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by jason l 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he claims he loves you than he'll change 4 the better..tell him you need some timeaway for a few months.. give him chance 2 ''change''if he does i believe he needs another chance.. if he doesn't change..get rid of him..coz that only shows that he's not mature enough and ready 2 look after he's family.A man has his responsibilities and needs to see to it!1!i wish ur marriage all the best..hope ur husband changes for the better...
2007-06-17 04:21:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not about fair/not fair. This about you and your life. There is nothing wrong with taking care of someone who is limited or disabled, but this man is clearly not that.
You already know you are done, get moving lady, you have wasted enough time on this parasite as you need too!
Once you are gone he is either going to have to do for himself or find another money tree! But you will find something way more valuable then he ever will!
2007-06-17 04:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by mrsmommaid 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Like Oprah said, Believe them when they show you who they are the first time. This is not a fair marriage, and the only who seems to be benefiting is him. Let him know that there is a consequence if he does not drastically shape up, and follow through, don't just talk the talk.
Good Luck.
2007-06-17 04:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok first all good adult males are soft to the flaws they do being recieved nicely. 2d you will possibly no longer have the skill to get him back third you have discovered a surprising lesson and can locate yet another super guy who you will no longer lose considering which you will understand to take exhilaration in the small kindnesses that they provide wide-unfold to be nice. i would not provide up on him yet dont give way if he would not come back, merely ascertain you detect yet another super guy which you would be able to take exhilaration in and be pleased approximately.
2016-10-17 13:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. You will not regret it. They help the families and friends of alcoholics. Knowledge is power. They can help you more than anyone else. It is free, doesn't cost anything.
2007-06-17 04:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last chance was the last chance - and if your heart just isn't there anymore, what would you be holding onto?
The choice is your's...but sporadic "good behavior" followed by periods of drinking and everything else you mention seem to be what is in store for you.
2007-06-17 04:09:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your question should be....How much BS a woman should take before calling it quit!....You've given enough. Leave him and if he really wants to be with you then he will get his act together and get you back after afterword. Right now he's acting like a parasite.!
2007-06-17 04:11:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋