How do I find the truth on if he was unfaithful?

Question

Out of the blue, I get a phonecall from my friend Beck. Beck tells me that a girl named Morgan has told her that she used to have a relationship with my boyfriend, 5 years ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. She gave disgusting details that made me sick to my stomach, but things in my mind just weren't adding up: the behavior sounds nothing like my boyfriend. Furthermore, this girl is, not his type; she's a druggie who apparently has a reptutation for being loose. Anyhow, this girl Morgan says she'll talk to me about anything, but she refuses to meet up with me and my boyfriend and talk about this in the open. He, of course, is vehemently denying the entire situtation; he says he doesn't even know her and wants to confront her. But she refuses. So now I'm stuck with "he said, she said" crap, and I don't know what to do. I'm left with two options, neither of which are good: 1) maybe he's just a liar, which how do I know?? and 2) if she's the liar, why did she do it?

Thank you for your objectivity and lack of bias. Deep down, I trust my gut and my boyfriend. But I'm not stupid or naive; I know many women are cheated on and then lied to; I think the thought that kept me in hesitance was the fact that many women don't want to believe their loved on is unfaithful and will to to great lengths to be in denial. I want to believe my boyfriend and my logic, but that little person inside of me says "You are so stupid; you're just like those blind women, you are a cuckold. Everyone is laughing at you for believing him!" But, I do believe him, and I don't believe her. I don't even know her! Which is why I can't figure out why she would do such a thing. Also, at 27-30 years of age, you would think that she would be beyond such middle school games. I guess at this point I have to suck it up and quit asking why. It happened, and as one poster mentioned, it's dead. I need to let her and Beck know that I don't believe it and I won't let this crap drive us apart.

Answer 1

You definitely dont need Beck and Morgan in your life. That to me seems the real issue here. And if you're unable to believe your boyfriend, then perhaps you dont need him in your life either.

Answer 2

What kind of 'friend' would give you disgusting details -- think about it - yes, a friend would tell you- but, a friend that is concerned for you- would never give you disgusting details - friends try to protect each other- not hurt each other..... It sounds like she is no friend at all - and, I think she's lying... there is one person that knows your boyfriend the best- and that somebody is YOU... you said it doesn't sound like him -- that is your gut instinct telling you.. that somebody is lying, and that somebody is not your boyfriend.
He wants to confront her -- also, what does THIS tell you-- it tells you he is not afraid of anything - because he is telling the truth- a lying boyfriend would NEVER say that - look at the signs --
why did this girl lie???
Well lets see...
could be because she is unhappy in her own life and sees you happy... maybe this unhappy girl doesn't like seeing somebody else happy..
could be...
because she has nothing better to do - maybe she did talk to Morgan girl - maybe she THOUGHT morgan meant your husband - maybe the names and places were wrong - maybe morgan doesn't know what the heck she is talking about -
maybe...
she is jealous because you spend all your time with your boyfriend, and she wants to go out with you - how good of a friend is this?

Signs say--- she's a liar - don't try to figure out why she lied --- instead- show her you are supportive of your husband, and you don't believe it for a second -- maybe the girl likes drama..and what did she just cause in your life ?? Drama!!!

Usually questions like this .. I would think the guy is cheating..but, in this situation..believe your boyfriend..

Answer 3

If you know in your heart that shes not his type then I'd believe him, you have five years with him but not five minutes with her.
As to why she would say something like that, two things come to mind, shes a druggie and anything she says is suspect, she could have said it because she was hoping for some sympathy from your friend so as to hit him up for money. Or she did it out of pure evil and wanted to be the snake in your garden of Eden. There really are such creatures who wish to see everyone in their level of misery and take joy in ruining happiness. He wants to confront her, she is afraid too. Come on, see it for what it is, just an attempt to ruin your relationship. Her brain is so fried she probably doesn't know your boyfriend from another guy who looked like him, or had the same first name, five years ago is a long time for a druggie.

Answer 4

Well, if your boyfriend is willing to confront her about this, then I would believe that he has nothing to hide. It seems to me that the only reason she does not want ot speak to the two of you together is because she knows that your boyfriend will be able to refute it in front of her, making her look like the lying person she is. As to why she would do it, well, only she will know this. Perhaps she has seen your boyfriend somewhere, and thinks he is hot? The bottom line really, is that you know your boyfriend, and if you think this is out of character for him to have done, then you are most likely right. Tell this girl that you are simply not going to play her little game, and are not interested in her drug induced fantasies, and go on with your lives. Don't punish your boyfriend for something that, in all liklihood, he never did. We all know that women can be B*****es, and will often go to great lengths to hurt someone else.

Answer 5

First of all, if this girl is a druggy and wants to meet with you in private to give you the juicy details of her affair with your boyfriend then I would not put too much stock in her.

Secondly, I know from experience that when guys do cheat that it's with someone who is not seemingly their type and is a lot of the times a sleeze. It's becuase they're living a double life.

What does your gut tell you? That's probably going to be the most reliable source.

Answer 6

You know I would say if he wants to confront her then he's done nothing wrong.....The fact that she won't accuse him to his face makes her dishonest..
I also just wonder if Beck had a motive in any of this..She may of just had your interest at heart.She may not have.
But...How did the topic even come up?
Eleven years...You know this guy pretty good.How could he be so disgusting with someone else...She didn't even tell you something similar to his true self..I would drop it....Someone here has a motive.It's not you and certainly not the BF.
.And you should let all parties know it's a dead subject. Good Luck

Answer 7

Beck and Morgan (if she exists) are playing with your mind. I would revise my friendship with Beck. Why does she want to upset you with something she heard from someone else and can`t proof it. The Morgan girl is a druggie, I bet she can`t even identify half the men she`s been with.

Answer 8

Your friend Beck isn't your friend to repeat malicious unfounded gossip to you like that knowing full well that it would cause trouble. That's a definite jealousy case if I ever heard one.

You should have never listened to it, but having listened to it, should never have confronted your boyfriend with it.

Some people are so unhappy in their lives that they will do anything to try to make others as unhappy. That sounds like Morgan's problem.

If I were you, I would let it go. I don't believe it's true, but even if it were, it's in the past - let it stay there.

And in the future, don't listen to gossip about your boyfriend.

Answer 9

Someone's got their wires crossed here. I'd say Morgan has confused your man with someone else. In any case....you've been together for eleven years! He obviously loves you, and would not be with you otherwise. Trust him honey, and laugh off the gossip! Don't let troublemakers come between what is obviously a great relationship! Good luck!

Answer 10

If there hasn't been any other situations that would make you question his fidelity to you than ignore this situation, there may have been something but it sounds unlikely and if it was, then it's clearly over now. Judge him on his actions now, and tell him that you are giving him one chance to come clean.
On the other hand if you've had suspicions before about him than you should really look into this further. My point being, use common sense and your instinct.
Good Luck