Should discipline be given in private only?

Question

As an adolescent, I overheard mother (on the only occasion she used it) give my older brother two strokes of her leather belt.

I heard her tell him off and order him to pepare and approach her for the belt, then afterwards make him put the belt back in her room.

Answer 1

To a degree, yes...you should keep discipline somewhat within the home confines, if possible.

Besides, these days...you get arrested or have your kids taken from you if you "discipline" in public. LOL

...but to be honest, I believe a large part of what makes discipline effective is an "embarassment" factor.

..that and if your kids respect you, they want to please you and do not want to feel that you're disappointed in them.

The people who "don't believe" in physical punishment, likely have "spirited" kids...which in my book means "unruly", the kids that you want to strangle at movie theaters for kicking the back of your chair or for running through the clothes racks at Walmart.

God forbid people, curb those friggin' kids already.

I have two sons, ages 13/14...both 4.0 honors students and not because I expect it of them, they seem to have high expectations of themselves.

My son says that he will parent much like me when he has children, that is a definitive compliment...one that shows that there is respect, as well as love in our relationship.

Besides, you smack hands as a baby...to precaution mostly and only after two verbal warnings, the first calm and the second not so calm. LOL

Three strikes yer' out.

I would first say, "Momma says no...that can hurt you or that is not to be touched"...the second warning involved picking up the child and setting them somewhere, holding by the shoulders and directly looking straight into the eyes.

"Momma said NO...are you paying better attention this time, because there will be no more warnings", "Next time you WILL have your hand smacked...are we clear?"

Rarely hit the third mark, but if we did...guess what happened? LOL

As they get older, you graduate to the tush...but by then you have established very defined rules, by-laws and consequences.

...and played out the consequences like clockwork, no being wishy-washy.

Your kids know the rules and the "exact" consequences for breaking them...so it isn't even heated when punishment is laid down, it's just matter of fact.

By the time they were five, moot point really...rarely discipline beyond getting the evil "eye" from mom, which stopped them in their tracks.

By ten discipline seemed to be more of me being disappointed in them and them being really upset that I was?

I think people's biggest parenting issue regarding discipline is...consistency and continuity.

Say what you mean and do what you say, don't make idle threats and don't punish sometimes and not others.

Just makes kids continuously push the limits, because they have no idea where the limits are at any given moment.

...and for me, the biggest rule of thumb.


"NEVER" hit your child with anything but your own hand, a parent should always feel and know exactly what they are inflicting on their child....how can you know the sting your child feels, if you are not in turn feeling it yourself?

My mother spanked me more times than I can even recall growing up, but that is the point...I don't even recall them individually, except the two times she was so angry that she grabbed and used something other than her hand.

Once a wooden spoon and once a plastic hanger, I completely deserved the spankings likely...but she was oblivious to the pain that the two objects inflicted and went a tad overboard.

I only remember those two occasions, so I always swore that if I spanked my sons...I would always feel the sting with them and would always do exactly three swaps, so everyone knew what would be the punishment in advance .

No surprises.

Anyway, that's my take...but it has worked thus far.

I just went to my son's middle school graduation recently, they both graduated together...since one was promoted a grade a year ago, I couldn't have been more proud.

I left with a huge handful of awards for them and was complimented over a hundred times about how sweet, polite and well-mannered they are...even the lunch personel wanted to meet me and tell me that the boys were favorites of theirs, it was surreal and wonderful.

...so if I went wrong somewhere, it hasn't hit yet.

And don't tell me, I'd rather remain in denial. LOL

Answer 2

I have four children under the age of 6 who are very, shall we say, "spirited". Anyway, I don't believe in hitting my children under any circumstances. However, I don't believe in just disciplining in private either. The consequences of their actions are the same whether we are in public or private. If you are not consistent, what your children will learn is that if they misbehave in public, you won't do anything. Trust me, that is not the message you want to send unless you want kids that no one else wants to be around. The best thing to do is just be consistent always. As far as the belt thing with your mother goes, my father used a belt on us when we were kids too. The only thing I know to tell you is that maybe your mom did the only thing that she knew how to do at the time. Back then, a lot less was known about parenting and the long term effects of corporal punishment and even less was talked about in terms of effective discipline. I say, let bygones be bygones and do the best you can to learn from your mother's mistakes to avoid repeating them.

Answer 3

Only 2 hits with the belt, wow, he must of felt lucky. Most parents I know really blister their kids behind, and I dont mean real blisters.Kids these days, need a good butt busting, then you wouldnt hear and see on the news how a 13 year old boy killed the neighbors 5 year old child, because she was "bothering him". Come one parents dont let the law scare you, into thinking its called child abuse, if you spank your child when he/she is bad. Yes you can go too far in a beating where the child is limp, but a good ole spanking as done to alot of people, through out their childhood lives turned out very good people.

Answer 4

Your brother needs to stand up for himself. You're an adolescent and he's older. what is he like 16 and he's letting his mother strike him with a belt. NO WAY NO HOW Tell him to fight back. She is an abusive mother and he is too old for that kind of punishment

Answer 5

as a mother or father who had youngsters in personal university we needed to signal a agreement and in it we allowed corporal punishment.additionally as a little one of the 50s a couple of swats at the butt under no circumstances harm someone we marvel why youngsters are impolite,don't have any self area,and commonly act as brats good the bible says it first-rate"spare the rod break the little one"

Answer 6

I don't believe in hitting with anything violence breeds violence there are better ways of disciplining a child

Answer 7

I don't believe in striking children at all, there are so many other ways to discipline a child and yes it should be done in private.

Answer 8

yes private onlyit hurts enough to get beat but to do it in public is way more embarassing

Answer 9

wow seems odd to "strap" teenagers...

I think its not an appropriate punishment for kids that age, better to take away priviliges like computer or TV or phone...

Answer 10

That means you were invading their space. No it shouldn't.