you have son (12) from previous marraige that doesn't want to leave his father? Which means I am in a situation where I don't want to leave my son and my son doesn't want to leave his father. Frankly I am upset with my husband because he thinks it is so easy to up and leave and hasn't even thought about the legally aspect of all this. How is a mother just suppose to up and leave her child?
2007-06-17 02:20:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Travel ➔ United States ➔ Other - United States
Just by asking this question here on the web.......you are exacerbating the obvious problem in your marriage.."Non Communication".
Why don't you and your present husband try TALKING to each other. Discussions about your life together would go along way in making life work. Then discuss the situation with your child's father and see what can be worked out with him.
Even though your sons wishes are important he is not the one running the family or paying the bills, at 12 he will simply have to accept and make the best of decisions his parents
make in the best interest of All. and this is where it's at - family decisions should be in the best interest of all concerned not just one person.
2007-06-17 02:39:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You love your husband and you love your son... It is a tough situation. I suggest that you get the two of them together and have a family talk. The three of you sit down and you explain the situation that is at hand. And then sit back and listen to each of them. Is the job worth it? Can you work out visits for your son with his father? Is his father willing to visit your son? They need to know what your feelings are and the turmoil that you are going thru. Tell them upfront that you have these feelings and want them to understand
2007-06-17 09:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by apbacker 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, I think it relates to the "all about money" way of life that the U.S. is now all about...but you can't put a dollar amount on your twelve year old child. You brought him into the world, and you're supposed to be there for him. Love (as in that which you feel for your new husband) can be all encompassing, and blind you to what really matters. Your happiness in being near your son, in combination with his unhappiness at not being near you, should you leave, certainly should outweigh the new husband's happiness at making more money at a new job. Tell him that if he insists on making the decision of money over love that you wish him the best of luck at his new job. I feel great empathy for you, since neither decision will leave you without pain. Sometimes in life the right priority is hard to choose. In your case though, and only in my humble opinion, it's a no brain-er.
2007-06-17 09:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by matthew l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should have discussed it with you to make it a joint decision. But now that the decision is made, I would follow him. Your son is old enough to travel to both places and see both parents. The person who told you to divorce him, apparently doesn't realize what commitment is and shouldn't be advising. You said for better or worse. This is the worse right now in your eyes, but who knows, it could end up being the best thing in the long run. If not, maybe your husband will see you aren't happy and move you back by your baby.
2007-06-17 09:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, I can see how this would be difficult for you.In my opinion marriage vows pale in comparison to the commitment a person makes when they have a child. That being said I would answer a few questions in making such an important decision. (1) How much would moving out of state change your relationship with your son? (If he lives with you and/or you are a part of his daily life then it would change quite a bit. If you only see him every other week or some similar arrangement then the move would be less of a change.)
(2) Which relationship are you less inclined to see change, the one with your son or the one with your husband?
(3) Lastly, If you stay to be with your son will you resent him because it hurts your marriage; and if you move with your husband, will you resent him because you are not in the same state as your son?
2007-06-17 09:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You owe your son everything.
He has no choices in this.
You absolutely should not move your son away from his father.
What kind of husband would put you in this situation to begin with! He knew you had a responsiblity above and beyond him when you married him and if can't live within those boundaries than that is his problem.
Tell you husband in 6 years you'll go to the ends of the Earth with him, but until then you are not going anywhere!
2007-06-17 11:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You will have to figure out who is the most important to you. The man you'll be with for life, or a 12 year old who apparently gets his way everytime. If you pick the son, why did you get married to begin with? Maybe your husband wasn't able to get the type of job that has the pay scale this opportunity does. Sit down with your Husband and tell him what is bothering you, instead of posting your problems for millions to see.
2007-06-17 09:30:49 · answer #7 · answered by spiritwalker 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
While it's not easy, your son is probably old enough to choose who he wants to live with. You have to respect his wishes. If you force him to go with you, he's going to blame you for taking him away from his dad. You also have to support your husband's decisions. You did marry him 'for better or worse.' Have you even discussed this with your husband instead of just being upset? He might not even know. My brother lived with my dad after our parents divorced and things worked out just fine. My sister and I lived with our mom. Try having a little better outlook on this and maybe things won't be as bad as it seems. And talk to your husband!
2007-06-17 09:31:16 · answer #8 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your husband should have consulted you prior to accepting the job transfer. You and your son are his family, and your welfare should have been his first consideration.
That being said, I think your son's welfare should be your first consideration. Notwithstanding the legal aspects of your move (i.e., custody issues), if your son has a healthy, loving relationship with his real father, that link should not be broken.
Talk to your husband about the pros and cons of this move and see if he won't agree to stay.
2007-06-17 09:30:28 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle H 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You could always divorce him.
2007-06-17 09:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anthony F 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋