I met a man 6 years ago from the USA. We fell in love over the internet and he asked me to move to the USA because his Daughter was there also from a previous marriage. I moved with my children and we married not long after. I was told I would still recieve payments for 3 years but the payments stopped after 26 weeks. I was lucky and gained employment and helped to pay household expenses and bills that we incurred we setting up the family. My husband still to this day holds this over my head everytime we argue.Even though I found employment and had money from the sale of my home that was used prior to moving on visits to the USA - One xmas gifts for him and his child and motel and expenses when he visited me. Oh must I also add attorney bills to relocate the children. To this day we still have heated conversations and even though I do 99% of everything in the house I dont do it fast enough or he says things like I am embarraced to have people stay.(Just because I dont rinse the plates)
2007-06-17 00:12:17 · 13 answers · asked by SEL 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It has changed so much since we first met. I though he was different. He was charming - romantic - sweet - listened - was great with his child. As the years went on he hardly says 2 words to my children and he looks like he is forced to answer them. That started since we had a child together 2 years ago. My daughter acidently jammed his fingers and my husband went balistic. He told her not to touch him talk to him or look at him. I stepped up at that point and told him I am not allowing this. So he has backed away completly towards the children that are not his. Only talks when he grounds them - they are now grounded from ice as he used the ice but the kids didnt fill it. He spends all his time on the PC in the lounge room and has no activity with anyone - I would say he spends roughly 20 minutes in total with his 2 year old son. Has never bathed him - if he is to go to the park 19 times out of 20 it is with me.
2007-06-17 00:26:33 · update #1
Im in my 30's he is in the 40's. He is 9 years older then me, It has gotten to the point where he doesnt sleep in the room with me. He said it was because our son shares our bed. I put our son in his room and told my husband okay your right - we went to bed together. Our son woke I went to his room layed with him and when I returned to my room my husband was gone (Back to the loungeroom) I run all the errands - I do almosy everything to try to make him happy. The last 4 times we made love happened in the loungeroom - he never knocks that back bt yet he wont hug - kiss or touch me.
2007-06-17 00:34:31 · update #2
Just wanted to add - when I fel pregnant he told me it was over between us. I made plans to relocate home with my other children and he wanted me to get the child aborted. He went to work looking up DNA sites I was told from a co worker of his.
2007-06-17 00:37:16 · update #3
I have asked for councilling and when I decide to leave he says he needs his angina tablets/spray. So I feel guilty and apoligize. I am the only one that says sorry - and has to change.
2007-06-17 00:40:25 · update #4
Your poor children! how can you stay with him? really, did you read what you wrote? why are you still there? and don't be one of those pathetic woman that say "oh i love him"
How could you love a man like that .
Do the right thing!! these kids get one life so make it good!
Good luck to you and your children
2007-06-18 01:26:56 · answer #1 · answered by Boxer girl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you guys still arguing from something that happen 6 years ago? Whats done is done. He knew that there would be some financial issues that had to be taken care since you were moving your family from another country to be combined with his. Why is he now complaining about the way you are? He had to know that by meeting you over the internet and marrying quickly thereafter, he didn't have a chance to get to know you as a person. He knew what you said online, such as you only knew what he said online. You didn't actually get to see what he was about until you moved and married him. I would suggest marriage and individual counseling. If it hasn't gotten to the point of physical abuse, then work on the verbal.
2007-06-17 07:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do couples counseling immediately. He is abusing you. Professional can help him see how lucky he is to have you in the home and to stop abusing you.
Otherwise, tell him to get a dishwasher, a machine.
As far as him abusing you, if it continues, leave the home and walk around the block and return. If he gets furious over this, tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. Ask the police what your rights are. You might be able eventually to have HIM removed from the house, which will teach him a good lesson.
He is immature. He also might need a complete anxiety screening battery of tests to determine behavioral disorders and get help for these.
2007-06-17 07:20:55 · answer #3 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems his behaviour is worsening everyday that passes. no wonder his first marriage failed. its a pity you are already married. he is obviously using you and taking advantage of you. you say do 99% of everything, you gave him that chance from the start by paying his bills and incurring most if not all the expenses, he wanted someone to take care of him. its either he has a problem in which case get him counselled, or he is just not marriage material. In any case if he doesn't change move out and move on with your life and don't repeat this mistake.
2007-06-17 08:10:12 · answer #4 · answered by dezzy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couples "stories" do often differ from one another. I am sure that you are dead on just by the way you wrote everything. What is his side of this story? Anyway, it sounds like your marriage is over. But........it is not too late to try to fix it. Try your best to talk with this husband of yours one more time. Lay it out just like you did here. Find out first if he even wants to make this work. There is probably no need in putting forth all of the effort to make your marriage work if he doesn't want it too. As far as you doing all of the house work, chores and errands..........Rubbish.......Make him fend for himself. That is simply wrong. I help my wife with as much as possible. I don't treat her as a slave. I love her and I show it. Yours should do the same. (smile)
2007-06-17 09:26:04 · answer #5 · answered by Fergy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you married an abusive man who really doesn't love you. I think you need to see a divorce attorney instead of a counselor. Abusive men usually do not respond very well to counseling and it scares me that he wants you to murder your own baby through an abortion. Don't murder your baby by having an abortion. You should consider finding another place to live for the safety of yourself, your unborn child and your other children.
2007-06-17 08:22:06 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices, first you can stay with this jerk and put up with his c**p, or secondly you can get out of there and start your life all over again, but try to stay away from the Internet.
2007-06-17 07:35:48 · answer #7 · answered by MUSHMAN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time fall in love in person over a period of a few years so you two can really know each other first.
2007-06-17 07:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm..so many issues here! First and foremost...make sure the children are happy and looked after!! Do all you can do to make them feel safe and loved. You need to go to counselling...fast!! Just please see to your children....they are the most important here!
2007-06-17 07:39:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say,but you should admit that your marriage has failed.If you feel you have the strength ,do something about it,if not walk away,there's always time for a new begining.Just don't waste your time with someone who does not deserve it.
2007-06-17 07:20:20 · answer #10 · answered by misanthrop 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋