if youve been hurt alot by people and abused alot throughout your life by them, how do you start to trust?

Question

people in the future and no that their not going to betray you, abuse you in some way like people did to you in the past?
how can you drop the guard you put up? which will inevitably keep people away from you, also if you act hostile in your attitude because of what people have done to you in the past,
how can you stop this pattern?

Answer 1

I figured out what a big part of your problem is, you seem to be very intelligent. This of course makes our lives much too complicated, because it makes us think too much and question everything to the point that it can turn simple questions into seemingly realistic fears.

You are older now and need to realize that the people around you have changed and matured. It will be less likely to encounter such insensitive individuals anymore. There will always be some initial risks when dealing with someone new, but you will with a little practice be able to pick up on certain unhealthy behaveral aspects which you will learn to tell who is a good healthy person. It will take some fine tunning to develop this skill, and it is possible that you may get hurt, but I really believe that it wont ever be as bad as it was in your past.

Besides with you don't try and take a few risks you will never experience anything new and you will remain right where you are until you try. If it doesn't work the first time try again you never know what the possiabilities are going to be. If you are unhappy I don't think it can really get any worse, and when you get so low, the only thing from there is up.

I know your question is a good question I have often asked this myself and could use a little work on it too. I know it seems scary but I always thought it can't get any worse than being alone. Experiences will make you feel like you are not aging as this is caused from lack of experiencing a fulfilling life, the less I participate the older I feel too.

Answer 2

By becoming confident about YOURSELF

STEPS

1. Make a list of special talents you have, or of things you do that are good—morally or otherwise. Focusing on your attributes helps distract you from those parts of yourself that you think are flawed. It doesn't have to be a specific skill or activity either; it can be an approach or an attitude that you champion through life. Do you always stay calm, cool and collected, even in harried situations? Are you very patient with people? Do you always see the humorous side of things? Are you always there for your friends?
2. Find your passion. Whether it's baton twirling, martial arts, classic cars, or basket weaving, you will feel confident pursuing that endeavor by recognizing what you enjoy doing the most. More importantly, you'll be enjoying your progress.
3. Choose a role model, whether someone close to you, or someone famous. Think of the qualities that the role model displays, whether physical, emotional, moral, and/or spiritual. Work towards acquiring those.
4. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile work well).
5. Know that you have important things to say and do. When you feel strongly about something, speak loudly and clearly and make eye contact with people. Be yourself.
6. Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy diet and get enough exercise. Don't abuse your body, don't overload it, and don't deny it any of the things it needs. At the same time, don't obsess. Buying all the moisturizers, creams and conditioners will not bring you closer to who you want to be. Those things are only band-aids and make up. Confidence comes from within. Take the time to reflect on your life and do some emotional maintenance. In order to be confident, you must value yourself and understand that your well-being is important.
7. Stick up for yourself. If people put you down (and not in a good-natured, joking way), then let them know that their opinion of you is not held by everyone--most of all yourself. This may, at first, be hard to do. But once you stick up for yourself a few times, your confidence builds and you get more adept at it.
8. Celebrate your individuality. If you know you've got something special or different, then embrace it—don't hide it! That's diversity! You may wish that you were taller, or shorter, skinnier, stronger, whatever the case may be. But you need to realize that, if you were like everyone else, then you wouldn't be who you are. "What am I?" you ask; the answer's easy: You're a unique individual who is capable and growing and learning.
9. Take action. It is surprising how powerful the simple step of taking an action can be. And the action you take need not be something extravagant or grand. It could be something as simple as tackling a task that you have been procrastinating, such as writing a letter or tidying up that corner of the garage that has been out of control for the last several months. It could also be something as interesting as taking a class in yoga, art, interior design, anything that interests you that you haven't done yet. Whether large or small, action brings with it exhilaration, enthusiasm, and the confidence that other things can be done as well.

Answer 3

I think it's important to try to put the past behind you and go forward with the strength that you gained from enduring so much. We have to learn to accept each new person that comes into our lives as individuals and let their actions show you whether or not they can be trusted. I also found that forgiveness really helped me put those things behind me and move forward. I had to forgive those who hurt and abused me. It was a hard thing to do, but when I did it, they no longer had control over my mind or my emotions any more. Forgiving those who have hurt us doesn't mean we forget what they did, it just means we have forgiven those actions and are ready to put them away and live a new life going forward.

Answer 4

Have you heard the term 'armored marshmallow'?
All of us have this warm, soft center of who we are and when something or someone pokes it, it hurts.
As a response, we place armor in from of that area to reduce further damage. But the armor is cold and doesn't feel anything. We become numb.
The more we are poked, the larger the quantity and thicker the armor applied.
It's hard to remove it, once it's installed, because we like to protect our warm, soft center.
Be selective, and be wary, but make the choice to remove the armor piece by piece and understand that others will poke at it.
It may hurt a little a first, but remember that it's marshmallow.
It wont break. It bends and flexes.
And it changes it's shape a little every time it's poked.

Answer 5

.. also, some real good advice. listen to what people say...if it doesnt sit well with you and it makes you feel scared or strange. hit the road. at first the abuser will slip up and give things away during the bonding and romancing at the beginning. once you let anything slide by...when you get to the comfortable stage ...all of the bad..wiLL be unmuted and amplified. you can always smell a rat...just quit giving chances to people and forgiving them..then they will never learn how to get better, and learn their lessons. stop feeling sorry for being single and lonely and working so hard to make a new relationship work. thats how we get into these wrong relationships in the first place. listen to your instincts, listen to God. it will be there..most of the women i talk to that survive abuse...KNEW....but went forward in it anyway, SOMEHOW HOPEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT., OR THINKING THAT LOVE CAN CHANGE THEM SOMEHOW!!!! STOP IT!stop acting desperate....lonely was a picnic to the mess im in now....i wasted a year and a half...with a lier cheater abuser...psycopathic attempted murderer!!! they are out there...and they are loners with 2 or more cats!!!! !!!LIFE IT TOO SHORT...AND A MAN IS NOT WORTH TAKING A BEATING FOR!!! EMOTIONAL OR PHYSICAL. sorry im a bit upset yet...but the bible verse ISAIAH 91 is very helpfull. beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, and the garmet of praise to lift the burden of a heavy spirit. it talks about that and was very helpful for me. im upset, because i took 15 years off, worked hard took care of my family and wham, the first dumbass thats actually my age...i give a chance to. i was so wrong. i would have been better to date someone 20 years younger! not that i condon that. but it would have been better. in fact...this guy was the worst man i have ever met in my life. therefore...im done giving chances to men that are ignorant, over educated...this guy was a professional student, with no common sense, chances. He was semi robotic in the way he spoke. if they are lacking in anything that looks impairing at all...im outta there. no lies, no faults, just open honest companship, and if HE cant do that, then its not part of the human race...and im not going to finish raising someones mistake. Remember, some people did drugs to the point of non recovery in their past...also. becareful out there, and God Bless. ps. the psycopaths always love the nice sweet forgiving christian types. dont be too nice , and learn walk away without saying a word when something bad obviously happens...and lies and turnaround blame are flying out of his mouth.. best weapon, best method. still working on it. walk away. learn to do it early...learn to do it well...its going to be easier than down the road when your reputation is ruined and hes thinking youll let him get away with just about anything. END IT EARLY. DONT TRY TO CHANGE A MAN....THEY ARE NOT CHILDREN!!!!!! by the way older means nothing...he was 51, and i was 55. like i said a 20 year old would have been better. i have faith that someday i will find the right person.. im done compromising. i pray that you do too. oh loved the list. will do. thankyou

Answer 6

Live in the truth.

You can't go around expecting you will not find dysfunctional traits in others either. Not when " family" is being targeted and so many people are accepting of it starting with the family.

Answer 7

i've got dealt with a sprint of this myself. the substantial ingredient to undergo in recommendations is you could no longer administration what take place then, yet you could administration the type you react to it now. No, you could no longer forget approximately it, yet you could circulate on. understanding which you survived those issues make you extra durable, so so you might declare you elect for to be sturdy...YOU ALREADY ARE! the only way which you will emerge on the different section (the happy section i'm assuming you mean) is to settle for you could no longer administration or substitute it. They have been incorrect and to procure dealt with like crap. Are you going to furnish them extra power via letting their movements proceed to pull you down? i know that is complicated and it won't substitute in one day, yet attempt to "initiate a clean existence". you may initiate having happy moments with good buddies. once you have happy moments you start to realize despite take place interior the previous would not remember anymore. No you will in no way forget approximately, yet you could circulate on. good success and stay sturdy! you're no longer giving your self sufficient credit. you will in no way have the skill to forget approximately what take place. you may settle for that. the final thank you to settle for is to declare "ok assorted undesirable stuff take place and that i've got suffered lots, yet i'm no longer likely to go through at present." This needs to come back from you, from interior. in case you do no longer renowned which you're sturdy (and additionally you're) then you definitely won't get previous this. no person is physically powerful a hundred% of the time. all of us have down days. Take it at some point at a time. choose that at present you will do something relaxing. something. What could you do, then do it. Have some relaxing and verify out to allow bypass of the previous in undemanding terms for some hours a minimum of.

Answer 8

i'm not sure.....each time you go into a relationship you take this risk, but if you are cautious it's just like you start with the idea that it's going to fail....i guess the only way is to let your guard down and start with the idea that it's gonna work and that it's gonna be ok, and if you see a hint of "betrayal " start building an armour

Answer 9

Get some psychotherapy.

Until you do, you are likely to pick the same bad people to have in your life.