How to spice up a boring marriage?

Question

I love my husband. He works his butt off for me and the kids.
I stay home and watch the kids. We have 3 teen girls.
I feel that my marriage is boring, but I don't want a divorce. I love my husband too much. I have tried talking to him about this, but it always ends up in an argument.
I was just want more excitement in my life, and NO cheating is out of the question.
Thanks for the help!

Answer 1

You need to find a way to approach your husband about this in a way that he doesn't feel that you're blaming him for the lack of excitement. Try telling him that there are some things that you would like to start doing differently - don't go into what you want him to do differently. Just keep the conversation focused on yourself.

Make sure he understand that you know that he works his butt off. Tell him frequently how much you appreciate it, how much you appreciate being able to stay home and raise the kids. As you change and he sees that you're happier, he will be motivated to make some changes himself.

Now, you say you want more excitement from life but you can't expect to find all of that in your marriage. You need to seek your happiness yourself. Some changes you might want to consider are getting a part-time job in a field that you enjoy, that might be at a retail store or service - just about anything really but it should be something you actually like, not just a blah job. You said your girls are teens so you should be able to get away for a few hours in the day.

If you don't feel that you have skills to get a job you would enjoy try volunteering somewhere that you care about, I've found that nothing is more rewarding than helping others. I live near a womens shelter that I like to help out a few hours a week. It's not exciting work but it's seeing the people that I'm helping that I get my boost from.

You could also look into taking a class or two at a local school. Learning new things is always exciting. This could be anything from working on earning a degree to taking piano lessons or a photography class.

There are things you could do at home too. One of things I'm most excited about right now is re-decorating. We can't afford substantial new furniture so it's just new paint and a few new accessories but I'm having a great time. I'm being fearless with color and I love it! If you love cooking start experimenting with some new wonderful recipes. Find something you love and introduce your family to it.

Last but never least is sex, this is the part that your husband will be most excited about I imagine. I highly recommend 101 Nights of Great Sex by Laura Corn. The pages are marked His and Hers and they're sealed. The idea is that you take turns taking out a page (every week, every other week or one week a month) and do what it says to do without telling the other what that is. It adds some great anticipation for the end of the week. Marriage gets so monotonous after a long time and I think it's partly that anticipation and eagerness that's missing. This book really helps kick that up a notch. It's not kinky, maybe a few things you've never done before, maybe a few things you won't want to do at all but there will be enough of them that you'll love to get your motor running.

Answer 2

Well you have to look at in your husbands point of veiw. I know how I feel when I come home from work. Long hours stressed out I don't want to deal with any problems at home. Thats including my wife. But the only difference between me and most men is that, I care about my wife feelings to much to let my marriage go down the drain. I try my hardest to make her happy. There are days when I just want to be left alone for a little while to let get my head back on track, due to work related stress and hours. The only thing to make your life a little lifely is to have the both you understand each other feelings communication, respect for each other, and last but not least TRUST. Find out what your husband might like to do when he comes home from work. If you do that he might just warm up to for anything that you want to do. Makes some bets like if I make you your favorites meals that in return you take me out to dance and dinner stuff like that. Make your love life like if you were teenagers back then. The only people that know you the best is each other. Your likes and dislikes. Concentrate on those and you will find that your sexual and marriage life just got a little bit more exciteing.

Answer 3

There's a book I have entitled "Hot Monogamy". I think it might have little exercises to work on so that you can have good experiences without embarrassing each other. Like what I think is hot my husband thinks is disgusting. I can't help what I like--we both have to work at it...and we still are. He's more into it for the love aspect and I'm more into it for the raunchy part.

Maybe your husband feels like you're putting down his sexual technique (which I don't think you are!) and he gets hurt by this. I know it's hard to have a hot sex life when there are three teenaged girls in the house. Is there any way for you two to just go out now and again and forget for a little while that you're parents?

I wouldn't even consider leaving him for lack of a hot sex life. If there's one thing you can do to make him feel better (like maybe a short massage now and again), then I would do that, relax him, and then have sex with him. It might help to alleviate his stress first.

Answer 4

Find a class you two would like to take in the evenings or weekends if there are time, for example a cooking class or dancing class or something. This would add something to your lives rather than just the same things every day. If your husband refuses to attend classes with you or put any effort into trying to make you happier, start by doing more of the things you love yourself, make yourself busier and this may "unbore" you a bit.
Try going on more dates if you can afford it, for example dinners at restaurants, grabbing drinks at a local bar together. These are just some ideas im sure there are more

Answer 5

Is there something that you and your husband would enjoy doing together, just the two of you? Like, starting some kind of project, watching a series of some sort, etc. Not too time consuming, but something for just the two of you to look forward too. If finances allow it, why not take a spontanous trip - all of you or just the two of you.
With regard to bedroom issues, how about introducing some fun sex games to your husband (like the kind from adult type stores) and/or sex toys. You never know, he may be feeling the same way you are and doesn't know how to tell you. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

I'm not yet married but I think dating your husband again is definatly a good idea.... like Meet up with him in location e.g a bar or lounge.... act like total strangers meeting for the first time, flirt, and court eachother all over again

Lets not forget role playing! and get aways ;)

good luck!

Answer 7

get involved in groups (with three teens i;m not sure how's you do that but it's a suggestion anyway, try doing some thing that you've always wanted to try but lacked the nerve to (if that's the spice you're lookin' for) mainly just try to go places where you can meet new folks, it'll give you a lot to talk about

Answer 8

Take the initiative in the bedroom. Talk to him about his fantasies and see if you can fulfill them. Wear sexy lingerie. Set aside a night to 'date' each other, especially if you can arrange for a babysitter or for your kids to be at someone else's house for the night.

Answer 9

Watch some porn and learn some new tricks in bed. You have to be willing to sacrifice something in order to give more to your husband. Don't hold back. Get freaky!

Answer 10

Boy, I know exactly where you are at. Things my wife and I tried Get the book "101 NIGHTS OF GREAT SEX"

It has a good format for just your predicament.

Good luck!!