How Do You Know You Have the One?

Question

I know most people are going to tell me that if I'm asking this question, then he's not "the one" But, hear me out.

I'm very unsure of what makes a happy marriage. My parents were married for 22 years, but did not get along. They screamed, they yelled and my father (a good person just w/ a bad problem) drank a lot. Growing up, my parents never hugged and kissed, and they never sat around telling each other how much they loved each other. I don't even know the story of how my parents got engaged or anything. I know how they met, but that's it. They never divorced, because they could not afford it. Both my parents worked, but they still needed dual incomes.

Finally, 2 years ago, they divorced. It was a nightmare and not the least bit amicable.

Now, I'm 23 years old and in a serious relationship. I do love him and would love to get married, but I'm scared. What if he's all wrong for me. I do not want to be like my parents.

My boyfriend has habits, I don’t like. He’s very sensitive and is easy to talk to, but does not show emotion easily. I understand that this is his personality, but sometimes I want a little more. Unlike my parents, he never yells. He’s very calm and we rarely fight. We do disagree, but it’s rare. I usually do most of the nagging, as he is very laid back. He’s also a homebody, he doesn’t like going out very many places. I know this is due to this work schedule. He has a job where he works weekend, so on Friday and Saturday nights, we stay at home more then going out. On his days off, we do go places, but not often. He’s so laidback that he doesn’t care if he goes out and sweats to the mall. I believe in dressing for the occasion and being suitable. He also loves his computer, video games and his stupid blackberry. BTW, he’s 30. So, he’s past the bar/clubbing stage and drinking all night stuff. Which is fine, I like that maturity.

We are sort of opposites. I love wine and expensive restaurants, even though I can’t afford them. He sort of brings me down to a calm and reasonable level. I confined in him when I’m happy, sad, hurt, stressed, whatever. He’s the first person I go to.

My mother warns me that she does not think we are suitable. I’m not sure what to believe. My mother tells me to be very careful about who I get involved with. As you don’t know if they will change. I sort of believe her, but I sort of wonder if she just is disheartened by the years of a bad marriage.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

if you sit around thinking what if he changes..what if hes not the one what if..thats all your gonna do and will grow old alone.... so sweetie...i think your mother is afraid youll go through what she did and no mother wants to see our children hurt... but thats part of life..tell me please...do you see just him when in a room full of people?? does your heart pound faster?? do u light up when yous ee him and smile automaticlly?? do you wnat to be near him always and miss him even while hes working?? if you answer yes to this then id say your totlly in lvoe with him...
you and him need to talk..dear..communication before marriage and during is a must or it wont work... tell him what your feeling and what about him puzzles you ok?? discuss things with eachother and there will never be anymore confusion..ok?? hugsss sweetie and god bless

Answer 2

Honestly, it sounds like you have a pretty great relationship. The age difference might make for some differences in what you like to do in your free time, but you have to decide if that is something you are going to be able to live with for the rest of your life.

Don't listen to your mother. I know that is not what you want to hear and it is not what people tell you to do, but she is disheartened right now from a really long, bad marriage that she put herself through. You are NOT your mother, your relationships are going to be different. I can say this though, you are still young. You don't have to settle down anytime soon. People are waiting a lot longer to get married these days, so just take it as it comes.

You will know in time if he is the one or if you'd rather date around more. Good luck!

Answer 3

You are the ages of my husband and I when we were married!
You will just know when you have the one. Everything will let you know they are your soul mate. The way they smell is a smell you can't get enough of, you hands fit perfectly together, you never run out of stuff to say, you think about them constantly, and the kiss is absolutely perfect. As far as the dressing for the occasion, that is just part of who he is and it's something you will have to deal with. You can't try to change him... it will NOT work. No one will ever be perfect... fit the exact standards you have... but one will be close enough to perfect for you. The little things won't matter.

I've been married to the man I KNOW is my soulmate for almost two years... everything listed above is still true and it only gets better with time. I still get butterflies when he walks in the room and every kiss is magical. Good luck!

Answer 4

You know when I read this I could have sworn you were my daughter, also age 23 when she got married last year after a 2yr relationship with a 30yr man. After a years engagement, in which he lost his job and his house and they had to move in with me, they had a lovely wedding, that I paid for. She had a small inheritance, and paid for their part of it, the honeymoon and bought him a car. They bought a house in August(wedding was in June). By Oct he informed her that he didn't love her any more and had found "his true love" some girl that shared his hobbies, ren fairs, computer games and role playing games. Hopefully the divorce will be final in July, however my daughter is working two jobs just to try to keep her house. I have had to endure the stomping of my daughters heart by a man who refused to grow up.

Your question gives me a very bad feeling, I think you should listen to your mother on this.

Answer 5

I think that betty m. above me said it best. She is right, in everything she said. Good Luck

Answer 6

When you know that you ARE ready, you are; when you don't, you're not.