ergent!!!!!!?

Question

ok here is the situation, im pre-engaged. meaning i havent asked but we talked about it and thats what we wanted. anyways things are not going as well as planned 2 months ago. I love her with all my heart and wish that we could me together. the thing is, is that she lives in new hampshire and is going the be a senior next year, im graduated (2005) and in the air force now. i just turned 20 and she is still 17 going on 18 in a few months. i know that we are young and this is primarily the reason why im asking for help. her mom doesnt want us to get married right off the bat. she wants her daughter to be independent for aleast a year and a half. but how are we suppost to figure this all out if she cant even come visit me for the summer. all i ask is at most 2 weeks but her mom wont allow it. she thinks that things will go on and prob thinks ill marry her now at this time. but its not like that, i want her to come out so she can see what its going to be like when she comes to live with me

Answer 1

Congratulations on graduating and pursuing a military career. You sound like a very level headed guy.
I can understand your frustration with this situation, but 17 is very young. I have a 23 year old daughter. I can tell you that when she was 17, I would not have allowed her to spend two weeks alone with her boyfriend during the summer. Right now, her mother is responsible for her legally to a degree. I am not saying the "no" answer is the correct one in your situation, but it is the one you should respect as she is your potential, future mother-in-law. Your gf will appreciate your respectfulness toward her mother's wishes too. Perhaps you could get away and visit her at her home (with Mom around) over the summer.

Answer 2

Been there, let me tell you, listen to her mom!
Get some real life under your belts first. If I had it to do over again, I would still have married my husband, but, your bet I'd have waited! My husband and I were just turned 20-21 when we got married, and then surprise, I had not 1 but 2 pill babies!! no career, no college, just straight into marriage and motherhood,and then he got stationed in Germany for a year! We both missed out on so much that you are not even aware of yet. Slow down, its true, if its real love, don't doubt it. It will live, even if you date other people, you'll never feel about anyone else the way you feel about each other.
Listen to her mother, and give it I'd say at least
a year, or two even. Agree to get out, date a little. make friends of each other. Nothing builds a friendship better than time and a little distance!

Answer 3

17??????????????????

And you're 20.

And mom doesn't want you in the immediate picture.

First (and boy oh boy do I mean first) be aware that mommy dearest will toss your sorry a$$ in jail for having sex with a minor. Don't go there until she's 18. You don't want to deal with both the penal system and a court martial.

Second. A senior in high school does not need to be engaged. That's your need. You love her. You want and need the commitment. If I was that high school senior's mother, I'd make gut wrenchingly sure that my daughter wanted exactly the same thing.

Or?

Or I'd be running interference like your GF's mom is doing. If you love her like you say you do, you'll have to show it by being patient By not demanding "right now" "two weeks" "this summer".

Your GF's mom has spent 18 years doing everything she can do make sure that her daughter can be happy and successful. If you can't show that you can be patient, that you want exactly the same thing for your GF, that you'll do whatever it takes (including waiting until she can legally vote and drink).....

Then you're toast.

I'd dig a hole under you, too. And I'm just a normal mom.

Answer 4

CALL OR WRITE THAT LAST LINE TO HER MOM. Make her a promise that you will not get married. If she still disagrees, you will have to wait the few months for her to turn 18 to come on her own. Remember, she is still living in Mom's house at 18 and Mom may still pull the strings. (I would).

In my heart, I think Mom is right. You are just starting to get training for a career! That is all the military will offer you anyway. And your gf will have 'no specific training' when she graduates from hi school. It would be better for you and her to get SOMETHING GOING FOR HERSELF before she attempts to get married. LIFE TOGETHER WILL REALLY NEED TWO INCOMES, AND IT WILL BE HARD WITH ONE OF THEM BEING MINIMUM WAGE. You sound reasonable, so what is the hurry? Love does not change from waiting. And if it did, you are better off for it.

I am not suggesting that she attends College, unless she wants to. She can be working towards an AA at the least. She should; at least, get trained in some field that she can earn more than minimum wage when she does start working. It is ideal for ANY woman to be independent and have something to bring to the "table" when she gets engaged.

You can be as careful as you want, accidents do happen and you two could be parents 9 months after you are married and she will be staying home and you two will be living on one income and a lot of stess that you can avoid.

The hardest part of growing up is being PATIENT. TRY IT. FORGET THE TWO WEEKS, CAUSE IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. You don't want to make an enemy of her Mom!

REMEMBER, GOOD THINGS DO COME TO THOSE THAT WAIT! Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

I wouldn't allow my 17yr old daughter to go visit a grown man in the military either. Nice try but I wouldn't believe that all you want it to show her where you live. Send some pictures. Or better yet, you can pay for a hotel room for a weekend for her and her mom and invite them to visit.

When you grow up and become a parent, and you have a daughter that is 17, I want you to think about what you are asking this girl's mom to do. You can wait, if its true love, it'll wait too.

Answer 6

Think about this--if you get married, it will be FOR LIFE. Waiting for a couple of months to see her should not be a big deal, not if this love is true and will last forever. Let your girlfriend get on her feet and be able to support herself. That's important! What if something happened to you some day down the line (God forbid) and she had to fend for herself and raise your children alone? You would want her to be able to do that without a struggle. You truly love her...let her finish school first, and respect the wishes of her mother. Her mom will be your family, too. Good luck!

Answer 7

I personally think co habitating before marriage helps u learn a lot about a person. U don't want to jump into it at all. She's still young and maybe on a different maturity level than you. She may think she's grown but what teenager doesn't? U may wanna wait and especially if you're going away for a minute it will prove if she's faithful or not.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Her mom is right, she should go to college and then if you both feel the same get married, go do your tour and let her finish her education, vist with mom's permission at their home

Answer 10

all she needs to see is you and know you and if she is cool with all that then she doesnt need to come with you to see what it will be like. respect each other. wait. mom sounds like she has a good idea of a good plan.