After 8 yrs. of marraige, my husband has taken control of our home's decor. Why??? Is he out of line?

Question

We are almost 50.Not kids any more.Our taste is very different. All my life I have loved to decorate & my friends think that I have a pretty good eye for things of beauty.Though I can't afford a lot, I enjoy high quality, soficicated decor that includes some color. This is what gives me joy & is a part of who I am. Last year we separated for 3 months. When I came back, he had removed the living room furniture & replaced it with something a friend sold him. since that time he has'nt quit. He's getting rid of pictures, flowers, etc. His style (not trying to be mean) he likes cheap looking & quality decor. He does'nt use any color. He only uses white, I can't put down any rugs or hang any curtains. He thinks these things don't look "cool".We have a 15 yr. daughter, we're a family. Why do I now have to live in his "bachlor's pad"?. Why is this so important to him when it means so much to me? When we are'nt fighting on this we enjoy each other. He says he loves me, but there's no me here

Answer 1

He may be irritated with you and using this ploy out of deep-seated anger. He may be exerting some power in the relationship or maybe he's found a new area of interest.

Choose rooms to decorate and you'll both learn to live with a little of the other type of style. Maybe he can do the den and you the living room, etc.

Answer 2

He might have lived in a house he hated for years without telling you. After you left, he decided to make some changes and now he doesn't want to go back.

You say you live in a house where there is no you. Did you ever consider that he was living for years in a house where there was no him? I understand that you would like your home to be beautiful, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If you want your marriage to work, you will have to learn to compromise. Try suggesting compromise to your husband, as well. Either decorate every room as a couple or divide up the rooms.

Remember, it is both of your home. You both have a right to express yourselves there, but you also have an obligation to each other.

My husband absolutely hates flowers and pictures on the wall. At first, I felt the house was a bit naked. Then, as time passed, I realized that I rather liked the more minimalist style and that it was much less maintenance.

My husband and I have some similar tastes and some tastes that are very different. I won the decorating argument in the living room. He wanted what my friend called "ghetto man village" and I wanted a nicely decorated conversation area. He ended up spending no time with me in that room and stayed in the basement family room. He just wasn't comfortable on the furniture and wasn't too happy with the way it was arranged.

It took me months, but I finally figured out that home is a place where you should feel comfortable and happy. I took that away from my husband temporarily. I would never do that again.

Answer 3

Just Curious..Who or what is he trying to look cool for all of a sudden!..You said his friend sold him some stuff. Is his friend a male or female? And you also said you were separated for 3 months..
Is it possible there is something else going on with your husband that you don't know..or not talking about?
Something just doesn't sound right..Is you husband involved with another man..wanting to change the house into a "Guys" place..
If that's not the case..Well either way I would sit and have a good talk with him..Perhaps just changing everything around to suit you both..Right now, it seems as though he wants you to get disgusted and leave..And you did say all this happened while you were separated..
Something just doesn't make since..
Either have a good talk with him, see a counselor or a lawyer..Good Luck!

Answer 4

Was there any "him" in there before you left, or did you just decorate to suit your sensibilities without giving your husband's tastes a second thought? You decorated and you left. He stayed and decorated to suit his tastes, which hadn't been taken into consideration before. I would recommend doing it all over TOGETHER. Each gives a little and takes a little. You might be surprised at what you can come up with by working together instead of making it all about you.

Answer 5

You are calling it a bachlor pad but he is thinking of it as his house too.

You want to decortate and you and you alone want to have the say in what goes up or is put down, yes, you may have good taste but when you have the only say it seems to be ok but when he wants to do it all weather you like is taste or not is not ok...??

It is not just your house to decorate and/or his house just to decorate. You two need to do these things together.

Answer 6

You poor thing, Youve got to put your foot down! Most men make terrible decorators, and I think it should be added to wedding vows- Do you agree to always let your wife do all home decorating? I guess you'll just have to stress to him how important it is to you, and if he complains, maybe you can let him decorate a room that you dont spend much time in.

Answer 7

middle age crazy..i would just let him have his way..you say you are 50? well, hang in there and enjoy the ride..what have you got to lose. My wife does all this stuff..and I go along..but why can't he have a say in how HE wants to live too? maybe its about getting older that makes men and women go a little crazy..just ignore the house for awhile ..he will get tired of doing this stuff..eventually..you will outlive him by 15 or 20 years..and then you can redecorate the way you want too...lol

Answer 8

I'm truly not trying to hurt your feelings by saying this, but really if this is the biggest issue in your marriage you should thank your lucky stars. There is no way to say it without sounding nasty and I really don't mean it that way.

Answer 9

I would say he still has some anger issues centered around you leaving. Get some counseling.

Answer 10

I don't know what to tell you except to see a counselor. This is obviously a symptom of a bigger issue.