Is my husband addicted to internet porn?

Question

I'm not sure what to do here. I found out a few months ago that my husband has been masturbating to internet porn at least a few times a week. Now, this wouldn't normally bother me except for the fact that we now have NO sex life. I'm lucky if I get it once a month - it's that bad. I confronted him last night about it - and he was thoroughly embarassed...he thought I had no clue. He told me that men are visual and look at porn women as objects. There is no emotional attachment. Just a stress reliever. Additionally, he told me he was bored with our sex life. We were each other's firsts as well, and he told me he was curious about being with other women. I am extremely nervous about this. I tried to play it cool and understanding, but my mind is spinning out of control. We have a very loving relationship outside of this issue. He truly is a wonderful husband otherwise. I'm not sure where to go from here. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Is this a new thing for him? If so he'll get bored after awhile. Hopefully it's just a phase.

Answer 2

Your husband discovered porn on the net, like everybody else, and he went "there". Now he's hooked.
I am quite concerned for you. He isn't substituting your love life with porn, it's more like once a month he substitutes his porn for a little something with you. Porn is his main "lover". He's pretending he is getting those other women with porn.
The happy chemical release guilt cycle of porn and masturbation is just like any other addiction.
I'm also worried about this desire of his that he needs other women besides you, and that he is bored with your sex life. Porn is scripted, they are actors, and now he thinks that intimacy with a real woman should be acted out like a porn movie. But there is hope, because your husband told you a few things that at least were honest! In the worst cases the men will refuse to be honest.
You need to ask him to stop completely, and to cut him off the internet unless you are near, using a password to block him out when you are gone.
If he's a very loving person outside of this issue, then he will understand that he has a problem, and that giving you the control of computer use is not a control issue for you to control him, but rather that he relinquishes control to you, to help him stop. He has to agree to this, don't try to force him, or it will be a war.
He won't be able to stop on his own. He needs your help.

Answer 3

You are right to be concerned and the fact that he has promiseed to stop before, and still is doing it leads you to believe he really doesn't care who knows what he is doing. Meet with a divorce lawyer to discuss the possibilities & try to locate a psychologist so whatever he chooses you are prepared. The fact of the matter is that an internet porn addiction is usually the starting point for other sex addictions. The next step is usually him logging onto internet sex websites that feature other women & men like himself that love porn and sex. He;ll start talking to them about sex until that part of the addiction isn't keeping him going anymore. Then he may step it up even more and start meeting people for sex that he met online. I would have a frank talk with him regarding his addiction and how it is affecting you all. If it was my husband I would pack the computer up in a box and tell him that he needs to get psychological help for his addiction because he obviously doesn't care to do it for anyone who loves him because they have already told him to stop. He needs to choose between you or the other woman (the computer). If he chooses not to seak counseling give him the box the computer is in and tell him to leave immediately.

Answer 4

dont shut him out or turn away from him. Continue to reassure him that you love him, but let him know that you feel that the porn is hurting your relationship. Marriage and keeping the sexual excitement in it are things that you never stop working on. Ask him if there is anything that can bring the fun and excitement back to your sex life (within reason), and be willing to show him a strong sexy side to yourself if its lacking now. If your efforts don't change anything continue to talk to him about how its pulling you apart and if necessary go for counselling together. Dont bring it up to friends or family at this point if you can help it because that will only cause further friction between you. If he won't go, talk to someone yourself that can help you cope. One of the dangers of pornography is that it could lead to more damaging behavour for your marriage, like him having extramarital relationships. As long as you continue to show him you are willing to try to understand and work on enhancing the sex in your relationship, the rest is up to him. If he is not eventually willing to change his habits, and your are doing your best to help him, then you will have to reassess what your next step will be at that time. You should be each others stress relievers if you really love each other, not the internet.

Answer 5

He is committing on line infidelity. It is adultery, cyber sex. This behavior is totally unacceptable. He is a married man and he is cheating on you. The other woman is coming right into your home and he is having sex with her right in front of you. He can't have other women and stay married to you. This is going on all over the world and ruining marriage after marriage.

You are being totally disrespected. You are crazy to put up with that.

I would be calling the divorce lawyer and telling him that is what I am doing. I would give him the option to knock it off or I would go through with the divorce, no matter how well the rest of it is going the main trust is gone the respect he should have for you as his wife is gone.

You will find that these men, always try to blame it on the wife when they are the ones doing what's wrong.

If he hasn't already set up actual meetings, that will be next.

Answer 6

Ideas for you some but what to exspect if you do go through with this yes. First off I have to say this, becuase its a fact is that we men are always looking at other women and its always sexual with our wifes and girlfriends. Then to make it worse is only having sex with the first person you marrry. Come on people do you really think that men and women will be satisfied with only one person that they ever had sex with. For your husbands case he is not turned on by you somewhere along your marraige your sex life slowly dirfted away. Somehow you need to find out how that happened and its usally related to work, stress, kids and bills (debts) you still owe. Well that all just make marriage life sucks. I just want to add if you both want to have that sex drive then you need to look at porn also not the vidoes, but at the stuff they provide to couples to make sex fun. Dressing up as a nurse or a naughty bunny with ears. Toys experiment with them oils and with sex pills just get wild. Don't let him get what he want, becuase having another woman is just inviting trouble. There are alot of people that have gone this route due to lack of sex that they both accept it, but others times just ruins the marriage all together. I have to add this sometimes porn can get addictive and you might find yourself liking it too and it might just bring out the naughty person in you lol so good luck and be strong in your decision.

Answer 7

He needs to talk to someone because it is not alright to do what he is doing. He is turning away from you and getting what he needs from porn. If he is bored with your sex life then he should talked to you about the problem. He is just making excuses for what he is doing. If porn can take your place then when he gets bored with it he will find some other way to get rid of stress. How could you trust him? What he is doing is stupid and if he will not stop then you need to walk away from him before he breaks your heart.

Answer 8

This is a serious problem. Pornography is extremely addicting. Your husband sounds like a decent guy, but porn addiction can quickly take over a person's life and cause them to do the same sort of self-destructive things that people addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling do. You need to suggest that he seek help. If he is unwilling you need to emotionally prepare yourself. If he has lost interest in you sexually and is talking about other women, you most certainly will have infidelity to deal with. You can't force him to admit or deal with his problem, but you can take care of yourself. Seek support, maybe from a religious leader or support group. And remember that it has nothing to do with you.

Answer 9

Try to spice your sex life up! Be willing and open to experiment sexually in ways that you never have before! Greet your husband when he comes home or be waiting after the kids are in bed wearing sexy lingerie and perfume to entice him. Initiate sexual intimacy! For more ideas, you can always Go to the book store or shop for books on line for subjects dealing with this issue! You might also want to seek out a marriage counselor for the both of you! Good luck to you!

Answer 10

masturbating to porn is normal but when he allows it to take over his sex life with you then there are issues that need attended to.he is probably bored of the same old thing.I'm not saying just being with you,but the same old sex routine.The missionary positition and doggy style just doesn't always cut it.Try experimenting.Not to be smart here but give him felatio once in a while,try anal with him. You will get over the initial hurt to it and start to enjoy it.He told you he was curious of being with other women.You could be that other woman by changing your routine.

Porn is not cheating nor is it cybersex like sweet suzy mentioned! there is a huge difference here.She must be major prude and is very misinformed.

Answer 11

Watch the porn with him and tell him that you want to try some of the things you are seeing on there. Re enact it! I did that cause my hubby was doing the same thing for a while (but we still had alot of sex asides from the porn thing). That might spice things up a bit for you.