LOL.. before you get mad - this is not really about my personal situation... I just wondered how many of you are in relationships where your spouse has a friendship with someone of the opposite sex... I don't mean just casual - I mean a close relationship - lunch, going by their house, etc.. but not romantic with them... How do you feel?
If not, why?
Curiosity of how others view this topic.
2007-06-16 16:19:21 · 24 answers · asked by Wildflower 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LOL - Pops - I am newly divorced mom of a beautiful 3 year old who I have sole custody of and is at the top of my game... she's sleeping in my room right now - trust me this question is not about me now - just have had this debate with friends and love your answers!
2007-06-16 16:27:31 · update #1
My fiancee has a couple of close female friends and I trust him. But I have also told him if he does ever cheat I would rather he come and tell me rather than keep it a secret, that I would still love him no matter what in the hopes if anything ever did eventuate he would say something. I also have male friends who I have placebic relationships with, they are really close mates but I would never have sex with them lol
2007-06-16 16:25:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong w/having a friend w/the opposite sex, but also there is a place to draw a line. Were they friends before they were married? If they are going to the friend for answers too often & not confiding w/their spouse, this could be a bit of an "over kill". If the spouse & wife go out to lunch/dinner fairly frequently that would be fine. But if the friend & the spouse are going out a lot for lunches etc. but they aren't w/their sopuses, this could definately cause a problem. Even going to the house once in awhile to visit would be OK, but not on a regular basis. Yes, friends do have opposite sex friends, but to an extent. IF it's becoming a problem in the marriage & it's like an over kill, then it would cause me a problem! My son had a great relationship w/a female friend. There was absolutly NOTHING going on sexually between them. They did everything together before they got married & she was not going to give up my son's friendship because they were married. But, he also did favors for both of them. Helped finish their basement into a rec room & was a friend to both. Everything went fine between all of them. It just boils down to if it's causing problems between the couple & he seems to be taking the place of the husband too much & the husband feels like an outsider rather than to be included in the friendship. IF in any way sexual problems are becoming questionable, then there definately would be a problem w/anyone!!
2007-06-16 16:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that a spouse can have a fairly close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, especially if it's like a couple that they both get along with and he or she happens to enjoy the company of the husband and wife in that couple. I wouldn't want my wife to get too close to any men her own age, especially if I didn't know those men, because it can cross the line quickly. I'm sure she wouldn't want me to get too close to any women my own age, particularly attractive women that she doesn't know, for the same reason. If the spouse in question can't share everything that goes on in that relationship, that's a sign that it's going too far. They need to stop. If it remains open, then it's probably fine.
2007-06-16 16:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by fuzz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frankly, it is never a good idea. A spouse should never allow themselves to be in a situation where they are alone with anyone of the opposite sex.This eventually leads to temptation, in which most affairs could have been avoided. Not to mention people love to talk trash about others, which leds to gossiping even if it is innocent.
Those who have been marriage counselors, and claim to be too smart to get into such a situation as that, have fallen into that trap and found themselves divorced.
Temptation is there and nobody is free from it. It is just a matter of when in this situation, usually when you are at your weakest.
2007-06-16 16:39:25 · answer #4 · answered by Stormchaser 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi
Their is nothing wrong with having friend of either sexes. The problems comes of how much time is spend during the friendly, encounter relationships.
Going out to lunch: A married man without his wife, to me it doesn't sound right. A coincidental meeting at a coffee shop and ask to share the table and a conversation of 10 mins is nothing wrong.
If he is spending too much time with his"friend" it could pose a danger to his marriage. They might not plan for a romantic relationship to happend, but that's what could happen
2007-06-16 16:38:40 · answer #5 · answered by lilia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better yet......how do you know it isn't romantic????? No, it is NOT ok for a spouse to do the things you described. Something is amiss. How come the spouse doesn't take his/her spouse along?
I would be VERY suspicious of that situation but a lot of spouses fall for it.
Most of the time when someone asks a question from any source is is "about somebody else", not them. Good luck. Pops
2007-06-16 16:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by Pops 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to be the jealous type, so it would bother me. It shouldn't, because I trust him completely. He doesn't have any though - I think because he's just not the type of guy that can deal with a lot of estrogen. Having a wife and mom more than meets his quota.
As for me, I do have close friends of the opposite sex, and he couldn't care less. He's not a jealous guy and he trusts me. And I would not do anything to jeopardize that trust.
2007-06-16 16:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the relationship. Sometimes, people need to find someone outside their meaningful relationship to fulfill their interest in other subjects. These 'friendships' frequently turn into 'friends with benefits' then the marriage dissolves. It's a slippery slope and not an easy answer.
2007-06-16 16:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by The Ex Factor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a bit insecure... my partner has a hard time, but we work very hard to make sure that he has the freedom to have friendships, and I have the security to feel good about it. I admit freely that I could be far better about it than I am. I defend his right to have female friends.
I think I would draw the line at spending time alone together in one house or another though.... but that's my insecurity talking. I'm far more comfortable with online and telephone than in-person things.
2007-06-16 16:26:20 · answer #9 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex and we don't have a problem with it. When I was going to college I had a male friend that I would go out to lunch with a lot. There was not a problem with this because we were just friends and neither of us ever thought of taking it beyond this.
2007-06-16 16:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by nerakian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋